chasing your dreams ...

I had a good learning experience recently ...

I have been working in my company for the last 5 months . I joined as a college recruit , with little or no knowledge about the company ( not that it mattered much at that time ) . Later on entering the company , I was chosen from among the freshers to be in one of the most happening projects in the company called "iobi" , ( something like a yahoo messenger , but with much more functionality , imagine getting your phonecalls on your office monitor and then forwarding it to your home phone or vice versa, handling ur mails and voice mails and all that stuff thru one application on ur desktop ! ) . Well , it was amazing the way this product was projected to us as freshers , special care was taken to make it appear special and it did !
At this point I was chosen as a recruit for this project which incidentally required c++ training experience ... the irony of the situation was that most of the people there were compsci people ... I was one of the small no. of tronix junta ... i was chosen and put into a project for undisclosed reasons over the programming bonds from iits and iiits !

Anyway , it was an unique and novel situation to be in for me . Getting placed in this company was mainly due to my ignorance or computer science subjects ... and getting through the 2 hr interviews ( 1 tech -> hr :)) was a breeze . And then again , singled out for my ignorance of the computer science ( i did ask a question to the head of this project at his presentation to the freshers " what hopes does an enc guy have at ur project " ) ...and for asking the right question .
Coming through all this , the expectations from the people at the project actually was and is pretty high .

Initially , getting to just be with my project partners ( totally 8 in no.including me ) was something not so easy , but slowly , things got better . We got to know each other better and even the boss who was himself a student a year back at ISB and he , us .

Some of my preconcieved notions about working in a software company came crashing down literally ! The idea that individual labour brings about more productivity cannot true in a software company . However brilliant you are , if u just take the trouble to or let down ur ego for a second , you can hit upon a better solution that can make life much better for you and the company and everybody else as a consequence !! I always thought that problem should always be taken head on and being at it for long periods of time will eventually break it down . But often I realised that the reverse is true , instead of the problem , you can end up broken down ! Thats when someone called a "boss" comes into picture . Though , ideally , say according to a person like Ayn Rand , or IR Rao for that matter , you should be mature enough to know that already and its natural and all, this is exactly what the boss figure kind should be equipped to handle !
If hes heading a group of programmers , he should have been or should still be a programmer himself/herself and empathise with the employee and offer help , suggestions , criticism wherever required . Nothing can be more disconcerting than to be under the thought that ur boss doesn't care about you , in turn u dont care about the job , and ultimately u screw up ur career , not his !

I was at some point of time last week , literally bored with the work I was given , it was like asking 7 night mare bots to play against one hurt me plenty !! Thats when I said it out loud to him . He took me in to the conference room and we had a 1:1 talk on what my misgivings were . I got a good lecture about" following one's passions " . If you want to do something especially more than you are , you should be that much more enthu in achieving it . Sitting at a place and complaining that its not coming will get nobody nowhere . Well , I got the message very clearly and as a reward for being open mouthed , I did get some work in my favourite area : graphics .

Chasing my dreams in this field or any other is something which I have never done fully at any time . My sketching skills are still sketchy , poetry is highly dependant on my mood ... programming not worth mentioning , but at the source of the problem lies something , believing that things will happen on their own . It does to some extent , I understood ... but to take it that far where u want to go , there is no substitute for hard work . And thats why ...this is one dream I am prepared to catch , the prize to be paid for this I dont know , but I will make it worth it .....

"man is the fountainhead of creation " - ayn rand

the stack is filling up

Whats happening to me these days ? I honestly feel I am letting go of apprehensions much easier than i used to ... a few years back and in childhood . I was an able suitor sometime back and now I am a regular at the gym ... even the instructor calls me "body builder "...that he calls almost everyone is another story altogether . And then the latest to the list goes my bicycle !

Yes you read right , I bought a cycle ... initially I argued with myself that a bike was a better option and I could roam the city with it and take the babes with me and all that ... but coming to think of it , the buses were a better option for long distance transport and there were no babes to talk of ... no gf either . And on the poisitive side , the sheer thrill of going downhill on gravity is exhilirating and when you think of all the money and petrol you are saving , and the calories you are burning , with the cycle actually going places ! ( no offence to the gym cycle ) ... its a gr8 feeling .

Today , I took the initiative and with a little help from the roomie from a different zone , I managed to get up and come all the way to office in guindy from adyar , cycling on sardar patel road ! Sounds impressive right ? Well , the actual figures are something like this , its about 5 km and quite a bit of the distance is downhill ... any way ,the ride back home ought be quite a challenge then .

Another member to be added to the stack of activities is the french renaissance ... actually this only refers to moi...and my revived will to learn a little further in that romantic language ..,
It seems the company is going to be good , with the madamoiselle who returned 'false' to a certain function call I made and a few others .

With the performance appraisal approaching , I am beginning to feel that I am not upto the mark , considering the amount of work partners have done and are willing to do compared to me . The work is just not inspiring to me ... is my argument , whether its valid or not I don't know ... but thats the way it is .

The time is 8 :55 and the day begins now ...

post message

There is this thing in the stuff i work on , its called " post message " .... a VC++ function . It will ask some program to do a carry out some task and then continue on its path of execution .
I ve observed that this is the was that many people and teams also function in this and probably many other organisations . The boss gives the employee some work and goes on with his ... the teacher goes on teaching irrespective of whether the student has understood or not ... The prospective lover sends a bunch of messages on the mobile without waiting to check the reply to the first message he sent ... and after all the damage is done wonders why he didnt wait .
The disadvantages of this obvious , ... but that is the only way some things work ... I can think of a place where this method is both avoided and used a lot , the conference room. when one does not want anyone to ask any questions about what is going on , just don't give any details ...brush over and make sure everything sounds very convincing even its all crap . I ve seen it work with a lot of people ... even the most observant of leads sometimes go with the flow . The whole concept of email works on this principle ... if the recepient responds fine , otherwise what the hell... doesn't matter anyway !

Often the intranet chat also seems to take on this avatar ... where the person is not responding at will and to make her respond ... u need to post provocative messages or atleast something relatively more interesting than the previous time of post . If there was an award for the most creative ways of starting a chat ... i would definitely at least apply for it ! for I know some people who could be termed "cyber casanovas" .... one particular guy comes to my mind ... we used to call him "gutlee" , now hes breaking the hearts of many a mysore girl .

A very potent tool in the right hands , the intranet chat can also be a more potent tool in the hands of the organisation which wants to deal you a heavy hand ... cuase u would provide them with all the proof necessary to chuck u out if the necessity arose !! by chatting about all subjects under the sun ..on an infrastructure privided for "company purpaoses" whatever that may be .

All said and done , the electronic media is truly amazing ... with the kind of connectivity that we have now , theres no scope for romantic letters and long awaited telegrams and the like ,... everything is instantaneous and its all over in a few seconds ... this also applies to a lot of other things in the privacy of the home .

A thought to finish off" As the sphere of knowledge grows , the contact with the unknown increases .... " - psb

Its like a law, no contradiction anywhere and is universal ... think about it .

a rhythm or a groove ?

Things seem to be getting more and more familiar now . The code , the partners , the office and all the people who come here everyday . Initially I was timid and having just learnt a lot of etiquette and stuff from the non technical training was out to please everyone . Made a lot of acquaintances . Practically spoke to everyone I had met earlier in the training . There were a few people who I did want to say a lot to . I think I ve managed to do that to . And now , the scene is changing slowly . The bosses , the colleagues all appear human and not wretched participants in a rat race . One thing I discovered about all of them . They have a sense of devotion to work .... I used to find this in college too . I too have it in me ... and this place is bringing it out ... but there are good days and then there are bad days .

On a good day , I get to office on time , or just a few minutes late and everything goes gr8 , I ask all the right questions and have some of the answers . The attitude is good on such days ... I am out to grab things ,but when u are feeling tired and sleepy or just plain disinterested , it imiediately shows on the faces of people around you . It makes you wonder what the hell is wrong with them , when in fact the problem lies with u!!

I read enuff fundas and hear them too to last me for a life time . Some are given by caring seniors , who generally say, be careful , plan well in advance to do what you want in the future .
This is something I am immediately unable to answer .

I got an interesting perspective on this issue ... "I am new to this work , but I want to give it my best shot , and effort and that is my goal " , said my illustrious roomie . Made me wonder ...

The developments in the fiasco of proposal are not many , I still communicate regularly with the dame , and its fun becoz that urge of impressing her with stuff is gone . Now we are really friends .

The diwali holidays are approaching , and the company did its bit by giving a big box of sweets to all employees - including tech , non tech and everyone else ..the same type of box . To put it in c++

The Company superclass , gave each employee thread an object containing an array of sweets ... and this resulted in a response which when decoded said " Making progress everyday - the motto is alive " ....

Blog of the century

A few years back, when I was in college ... I was faced with a situation . The situation that everyman fears probably more than death itself . I personally find it difficultt to believe that anyone except someone exceptionally sure of hinmself , or someone who seriously doesn't are about the consequeces can go to a girl and say to her " will you marry me ? " .
Now the number of people I know have done exactly that has increased from one to two .

Now let me get into the narrative ....

A few days back in this company I work, I had proposed to a girl and she had rejected it ...not summarily , but with a very strange reply . She said that her love was abroad in the states and he never reciprocated this feeling . Come to think of it , it seemed totally ridiculous to me at that time , a software engineer falling falling for such a sentimental trap .

And I ... even after knowing this , fell into the very same trap ...or rather was embezzled deeper into it as I tried not to . And this eventually led to my asking her the question that can make or break a relationship once again ...

Using all the logic and reasoning I had learnt from books , movies ,friends , relatives , going to be relatives and personal introspection , I presented very convincing arguments . The result was announced initially by the opponent , but who can stand up to reason and reasoning . Through the course of the conversation , the truth emerged . I was eventually shocked . I initially assume that a person tells the truth . And in this case I must have been blinded by the situation's novelty and its implications .

The whole story of a sentimental lover dreaming about a lost cause and story of a virtual widow and all that ....was as it really is ... a cock and bull story ..a big crock of shit , As Al Pacino says in "Scent of a woman " . The truth emerged as the lover being very real and very close .... living , ironically in the place of my birth !

The story ended with the my experience being updated in the relationship dept . And also that all things are'nt what they seem to be ... people aren't always truthful , who knows the reasons ? but it still remains a fact . So now, I can proudly say that I am "just friends " with a person and this will make many people feel "j" ... :)

I personally always say the truth , at least I don't lie through my teeth ... selective presentation of facts is the safest and most diplomatic approach to life in the office and sometimes personal as well .

I still have serious doubts to the question of "falling in love " phenomenon . Something which is sometimes very interesting to think about and at others the most banal concept ever . Anyway , I have entered the "single and looking " phase again and will for some time in the future :(

So , guys whoever is reading this , never let feelings get over reason ... reason is always right and "Contradictions do not exist , examine your premises "

Tiny nothings = something

Nothing of great consequence or significance to report today , but a lot of little things do keeo happening all the time . The little pings on the intranet , which are so pleasant when they are unexpected or for that matter even unexpected ...from the girl you like . The word "like" is used here because I am not sure of the feeling . I could go on about that and beat around the bush for an eternity ... but whats the point .

There was a really cool game in the mail today , one in which the mouse control was laterally inverted and you have to direct a square through mazes ...pretty difficult at sight , but for a q3 defragger , its no big deal . She was struggling to get through the 10 th level . I came back and finished it at a stretch ( 20 in all ) . Thus the game ceased to excite once it was done . Anyway , sitting next to her and doing it itself was worth it :)

A really pleasant surprise greeted me the other day, when Shrikanth told me about his crush in college . I couln't have found a more similar case like mine , but I refrained to counsel too much , because I myself am an experimental model . And the implications of wrong counsel could be huge .

The roomie is doing a lot of things in secret ... he suddenly got a snail mail from Tampa , Florida yesterday which ! I was so surprised ...that I wanted to open it immediately , but that was against my policy and so he was spared some embarassment and me some shame .

My natural flair for comedy is coming out now,all the people are familiar now in the project and this is acting like a catalyst . Pjs are so many a day that even gutlee might be shamed by the sheer cheek of the ppl cracking them .

Went shopping over the weekend , to Saravana stores ... only to be stuck in a human traffic jam . Come to think of it , it would be infinitely enjoyable if there were only young women in the crowd and you are the only guy in it . But the truth is far from the opposite even. The crowd is predominantly female and all are aunties and ajjis and girls ... shoving and pushing without any restraint . I was taken aback and stayed that way until I was safely through the stampede .
The city is teaching me things in a way I never learnt before !

Nothing can always be shown as something if rephrased in the right way and thats what I did for you right now , ... enjoy