Insomniac mosquito?

There was a poem in my high school text book about mosquitoes... and I used to wonder , what a jobless guy the poet must have been! Now I take back my words as I realise how much havoc that silly little creature can wreak on one's life.

I spend only my nights at home on weekdays and this is the time I am supposed to sleep and rejuvenate myself for work later on. For the last one week though , I have been struggling to get a semblance of a proper sleep cycle in place. The reason being a sudden surge in the mosquito population in my area or maybe the impotence of a mosquito repellant called "Mortein" or "GoodKnight" . I think I am getting nearer to the state of an insomniac with 3 -4 hours of sleep everyday and declining brain power as a consequence. Sleep , used to be something which I could enjoy at anytime , any place no matter what ! I am infamous for falling asleep on moving buses while standing in a crowded train etc. and now this situation is ironic at the least .

Getting back to the main protagonist, the chennai f**king mosquito ... did you know that the culprit is a female mosquito?! I can understand women liking me , but the female of another species finding me so attractive as to kiss me on the face and lips everynight is ridiculous!
Although I do relish the final "Basic Instinct" like scene when I hunt them down and massacre them with blood splatterign all over ( the difference being thats probably my own blood). Whats so special about the mosquito that makes it such a villainous vermin? I can go on and on about this , but I ll get in a few important points as in a good group discussion .

1) They bite where it hurts (itches) most , the forehead , the lips , cheeks ... who am I kidding they bite anywhere , as if they care !
2) They have no self control, they sons of b*ithes suck so much blood that they are like drops of blood flying around and smashing them is the closest thing to revenge possible.
3) They buzz around annoyingly near the ear so that I get up even from my deepest dream into an awake nightmare.
4) They come in various sizes, and the bite is inversely proportional to the size. The small black and white ones are like the black adders of mosquitoes.
5) They are all females ! For a fact only the female mosquitoes bite ... the males are vegetarians , now here is a species in which the males are clearly lovable creatures...but are nt they the ones which fertilize the eggs of the females..so f*ck them too! Kill any mosquito on sight I say... bloody

I am cutting short on this list and hope to elaborate further , here are a few valuable tips to extract your well deserved share of vengeance , or vendetta if you d have it.

1) Get an empty plate and put some oil on it such that any fat mosquitoe once stuck in is stuck in it for the rest of its sorry life unless you kill it before its natural term of existance expires , and then just master the art of swinging the plate at any flying mosquitoe and enjoy! The detestable creatures get stuck in the muck so easily , you can already feel your mood lightening ! You can probably kill them off one by one after capturing them or just throw them away to suffer a sorry death over a few days... I would recommend the former coz you never know if they get up and fly away!

2) Get an empty glass glass( a glass tumbler ie) and try to capture a mosquito alive ! You could swat one such that its momentarily knocked out and then get to work ;). Put it in the glass , place the glass upside down and then you do a whole lot of things. ...
a) get a mosquito mat and let the fumes in and watch the fun!
b) get a magnifying glass and burn the little bastar*s
c) just shake them so hard their brains and other organs get exchanged !

3) You could also place a subject on a hot mosquito coil/ mat and watch the fun .
4) Ever tried drowning a mosquito? Well its tough , I guess the one I killed died out of shock rather than water entering its...lungs?


Hmm , thats quite an impressive list of ways to exact revenge ... maybe I can write a whole book about this! Lets see..