Hmm, this is a familiar topic for me . I have always been afflicted by this queer phenomenon . In school , I always thought that I was one guy , never identified my self as a part of any group . So when I expected some trouble , I was always a lonely sufferer . Waiting , for the misdeed to be discovered and then expecting the punishment was as you could imagine , hell . At times like these , it never occured to me to confide in anyone , not my parents , not my brother , not my so called friends . I was a loner .
As I grew up , this quality still remains , but as with many other aspects , its hidden in wrappers . For a person who wants to analyse the behaviour of an adult , especially in a place like an Office where things you say and do matter , his/her skill should lie in body language . The notion that nobody realises what you are up to is not at all valid , because at every interaction with a peer or a superior , you are judged . This might sound surprising , but I realised when I faced feedback from the bosses , that the impression they get is primarily from what you speak and do in front of everyone ... that is projection of the self to a crowd . This is a major factor in selling yourself ... because I know how powerful an impression a teacher creates in the classroom can be . Once again , Mr Rao comes to my mind .
How is this related to paranoia ?
The fact that you are being watched and judged is the answer . This can be seen visually at any workstation where the boss walks over suddenly and demands an explanation for that day's failure to deliver , or something similar . Things can get pretty ugly , when accusations ( maybe valid ) fly when the responsibility for an action is to be taken . But at the end of it all , it could be an excercise to check your behaviour in a real situation ... so the only way to stay ahead of this is to remain calm ... no matter what .
I can correlate this to another thing called killer instinct . The lack of paranoia , I would define as killer instinct in certain contexts . Certainly , in quake , if I never had paranoia , I could thrash anyone .
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
Friday, December 10, 2004
Yesterday , I relived some of the fun I used to have in my college days....
I have a colleague , who is from ECE just like me and a very fun loving guy ... somewhat like "matter" you could say . We have to submit an assignment ..in fact two by the approaching monday and we decided that tonight we would sit and finish it ..somewhat like our college sessional preparation . We had dinner at a place called Pizzaurant ...u know what it was about from the name . Over there we talked about the good old ECE days when a lot of over head transmission used to occur and things like DSP and signals and systems where things were so hopeless that it was like a 360 degree shift back to zero pressure !!
We commiserated about the plight of the EEE guys in my college and his college ( seems that the universal truth is true outside KREC ! ) . And during this deja vu , there was a "politician screwing " session going on . Two guys , a really old and a middle aged guy were facing the music from an NDTV newsreader ... he was asking them what the rationale behind Sonia Gandhi's , and other politicians' lavish birthday bashes was . To this , these guys answered with utmost contempt , the same old crap about Indian culture , people's love for the leader , wishes that she should live for a 100 years !! This was real fun to watch, this newsreader was screwing them left and right , from the top and bottom , no respect and all, only straight questions , in english ... was real fun watching them stutter and splutter trying to justify things with not one fact , but abstractions !
The fiasco entertained us for some time , then we got back to the office cafe to catch a coffee and get back to work . We used the special luxury couches placed there , and as expected couldn't get up , until hours later ... such is the power of the couch !
Bitching they say is for the ladies , I say men do it as much , could u call it dogging ? hehe
Well, if u haven't tried it , I highly recommend this to all, especially when u have a deliverable the next day , its the most fun to talk about all those meaningless little things which happen . Those pretty things who u always dreamed about at home . Those small hints of attraction , even bigger hints of "f**k off" and countless others . At some point of time , if u can just forget that u r in office and think of it as a mating ground or rather courting ground ... it makes a lot of sense . With the males(analysts) being optionally towards the younger (s/w engr ) .
I found out about some people who actually can live their lives sorting people they know into acquaintances , friends , lover(s)! , family , as if its an addressbook or something !! Well , in this work culture , that might be the right thing to do , or maybe it is the right thing to do anyways .
But , I ain't like that , and an old dog ain't learning new tricks until forced to .
Another kind of people I found out about , the ones who change colours like the chameleon . I know that in situations where they are screwed , people can be really down and really break down sometimes . And later when things are alright , come back and say that it was nothing and get back at you for being there !! Well .... personally, I dont care for such things much , dont know if its a good thing or not , consistency of behaviour or atleast character is a desirable thing ...at all places ...work, friendship and relationships . And that coming from the most impulsive guy around ... hey but I am consistently impulsive right ?
The day ended with a ride back home on a CBZ at 1 am , and getting back to office at 9 am is no small challenge .....
I have a colleague , who is from ECE just like me and a very fun loving guy ... somewhat like "matter" you could say . We have to submit an assignment ..in fact two by the approaching monday and we decided that tonight we would sit and finish it ..somewhat like our college sessional preparation . We had dinner at a place called Pizzaurant ...u know what it was about from the name . Over there we talked about the good old ECE days when a lot of over head transmission used to occur and things like DSP and signals and systems where things were so hopeless that it was like a 360 degree shift back to zero pressure !!
We commiserated about the plight of the EEE guys in my college and his college ( seems that the universal truth is true outside KREC ! ) . And during this deja vu , there was a "politician screwing " session going on . Two guys , a really old and a middle aged guy were facing the music from an NDTV newsreader ... he was asking them what the rationale behind Sonia Gandhi's , and other politicians' lavish birthday bashes was . To this , these guys answered with utmost contempt , the same old crap about Indian culture , people's love for the leader , wishes that she should live for a 100 years !! This was real fun to watch, this newsreader was screwing them left and right , from the top and bottom , no respect and all, only straight questions , in english ... was real fun watching them stutter and splutter trying to justify things with not one fact , but abstractions !
The fiasco entertained us for some time , then we got back to the office cafe to catch a coffee and get back to work . We used the special luxury couches placed there , and as expected couldn't get up , until hours later ... such is the power of the couch !
Bitching they say is for the ladies , I say men do it as much , could u call it dogging ? hehe
Well, if u haven't tried it , I highly recommend this to all, especially when u have a deliverable the next day , its the most fun to talk about all those meaningless little things which happen . Those pretty things who u always dreamed about at home . Those small hints of attraction , even bigger hints of "f**k off" and countless others . At some point of time , if u can just forget that u r in office and think of it as a mating ground or rather courting ground ... it makes a lot of sense . With the males(analysts) being optionally towards the younger (s/w engr ) .
I found out about some people who actually can live their lives sorting people they know into acquaintances , friends , lover(s)! , family , as if its an addressbook or something !! Well , in this work culture , that might be the right thing to do , or maybe it is the right thing to do anyways .
But , I ain't like that , and an old dog ain't learning new tricks until forced to .
Another kind of people I found out about , the ones who change colours like the chameleon . I know that in situations where they are screwed , people can be really down and really break down sometimes . And later when things are alright , come back and say that it was nothing and get back at you for being there !! Well .... personally, I dont care for such things much , dont know if its a good thing or not , consistency of behaviour or atleast character is a desirable thing ...at all places ...work, friendship and relationships . And that coming from the most impulsive guy around ... hey but I am consistently impulsive right ?
The day ended with a ride back home on a CBZ at 1 am , and getting back to office at 9 am is no small challenge .....
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
different faces of the s/w industry ..
I was sad and I was lonely ... a year ago
Going through the moves without much ado
All around me people were going places , they were getting placed
I ... watched on silently , nothing showing on my face
And then it happened on a sunny day ,
It was summer you see and the heat was holding sway ...
They came , they saw and they recruited me !
I was overcome with ...joy ? somewhat , but felt more like "why we?"
But that was long ago , and now I am something more ...
Learning the ropes in a different arena , I entered a novice to the s/w core ,
I worked and worked and still felt bad
Until I realised that there was much fun to be had ...
Be clearer to your boss , I learnt , for hes watching you
Wherever you are , good or bad !
So when you like some work say it so , and hate something ... could make you mad
Many things I learnt from this boss of mine ...
Saying what you feel can be done with a smile
Telling you to work can be made to feel like a cup of wine
Through a crisis you 'll be put ,
Just to see, how well you can earn your cut,..maybe ?
No way , its to see how you can handle your butt
The more levels there are between you and the boss
The more screwed becomes the words that are put .
A tear or two can easen things ... when you are under pressure
But boy can it screw up your future pleasure !
An enterprising attitude all the bosses seek ,
Show that you are strong , not that you are weak .
If you have an idea , make it a product and sell it to him ,
If he buys it , you be sure that chances are not actually slim!
At many times a thought comes by ,
Am i the winner in this bargain or is there is something beyond the blue sky ?
I get lost in thought , and am rudely awoken , by the harsh ceiling lights ...
The sky is blocked , the lights are there to remind you ... we are paying you so high ,
So you better work hard , cause the day of appraisal is ever so nigh !
Between the boss and I ,
Lies another experienced guy .
Hes the jack of all (MicroSoft) trades ,
Technically speaking , he would have got good grades (were in school).
The boss who was , has taken a break and the jack takes over and reports to him ...
A new complication enters our simple bug fixing life .
The communication to the highest branch now is filtered by a knowing hand .
A few days later , a feedback is in order says the experienced guy .
I am interested , because he said it , as he looked into my eye .
"Come out with what you think " he says ,
A thought not spoken , is a thought not used .
A mind capable of brilliant things , is being wasted by not .. marketing ..!?
"Come on, I know all of this", I thought , but being silent ... is it such an ill spot ?
Being capable is not enough , for this is not school ... or for that matter college
Where the grades can come and go , without a thought passing through the gray matter ...
More vital is to "do and show " , for a good deed done is not a good deed seen ...
Some facts are difficult to stomach , especially where you are told you suck !?
"I know what I am , what the f**k ? " comes to the tip of the tongue ...
But think some more , from the boss's shoes ,
Move with the peers and do what they do .
Taking an initiative is brownie point always ,
And it earns respect , for your dedication and creative ways .
Pressure can change things sometimes , the egg may become harder when boiled , or sometimes start cracking ...
The boss ain't eat no egg , he just likes watching and learning .
Tested and tried until you are for a better place to hold ...
A promotion will have to wait , my friend ... so be bold
And make progress everyday , without being told .
"Cause at the end of the day" , the boss will always say ...
An idea thought is of no use , ... produce it and sell it to him ,
then your chances aren't actually slim .
--- railmani
Going through the moves without much ado
All around me people were going places , they were getting placed
I ... watched on silently , nothing showing on my face
And then it happened on a sunny day ,
It was summer you see and the heat was holding sway ...
They came , they saw and they recruited me !
I was overcome with ...joy ? somewhat , but felt more like "why we?"
But that was long ago , and now I am something more ...
Learning the ropes in a different arena , I entered a novice to the s/w core ,
I worked and worked and still felt bad
Until I realised that there was much fun to be had ...
Be clearer to your boss , I learnt , for hes watching you
Wherever you are , good or bad !
So when you like some work say it so , and hate something ... could make you mad
Many things I learnt from this boss of mine ...
Saying what you feel can be done with a smile
Telling you to work can be made to feel like a cup of wine
Through a crisis you 'll be put ,
Just to see, how well you can earn your cut,..maybe ?
No way , its to see how you can handle your butt
The more levels there are between you and the boss
The more screwed becomes the words that are put .
A tear or two can easen things ... when you are under pressure
But boy can it screw up your future pleasure !
An enterprising attitude all the bosses seek ,
Show that you are strong , not that you are weak .
If you have an idea , make it a product and sell it to him ,
If he buys it , you be sure that chances are not actually slim!
At many times a thought comes by ,
Am i the winner in this bargain or is there is something beyond the blue sky ?
I get lost in thought , and am rudely awoken , by the harsh ceiling lights ...
The sky is blocked , the lights are there to remind you ... we are paying you so high ,
So you better work hard , cause the day of appraisal is ever so nigh !
Between the boss and I ,
Lies another experienced guy .
Hes the jack of all (MicroSoft) trades ,
Technically speaking , he would have got good grades (were in school).
The boss who was , has taken a break and the jack takes over and reports to him ...
A new complication enters our simple bug fixing life .
The communication to the highest branch now is filtered by a knowing hand .
A few days later , a feedback is in order says the experienced guy .
I am interested , because he said it , as he looked into my eye .
"Come out with what you think " he says ,
A thought not spoken , is a thought not used .
A mind capable of brilliant things , is being wasted by not .. marketing ..!?
"Come on, I know all of this", I thought , but being silent ... is it such an ill spot ?
Being capable is not enough , for this is not school ... or for that matter college
Where the grades can come and go , without a thought passing through the gray matter ...
More vital is to "do and show " , for a good deed done is not a good deed seen ...
Some facts are difficult to stomach , especially where you are told you suck !?
"I know what I am , what the f**k ? " comes to the tip of the tongue ...
But think some more , from the boss's shoes ,
Move with the peers and do what they do .
Taking an initiative is brownie point always ,
And it earns respect , for your dedication and creative ways .
Pressure can change things sometimes , the egg may become harder when boiled , or sometimes start cracking ...
The boss ain't eat no egg , he just likes watching and learning .
Tested and tried until you are for a better place to hold ...
A promotion will have to wait , my friend ... so be bold
And make progress everyday , without being told .
"Cause at the end of the day" , the boss will always say ...
An idea thought is of no use , ... produce it and sell it to him ,
then your chances aren't actually slim .
--- railmani
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