To read and to be led along...

The last weekend , I was fortunate to somehow get around to read a couple of good books . The first one was "To Kill a mocking bird" . And the other "One Night at a Call Center".



I bought this book last year at Blossoms if I remember right. But since my memory is almost always suspect , I ll leave it at that. The more important thing here is the book was lying in my house in a desolate bookshelf for a long time with other classics like "Moby dick" ( which is incidentally about a whale and not anything else mammalian) and "War and Peace" . To describe each and every book that lives in that book shelf would be really tiring to me to write and u to read , so I ll skip the crap and get to the point.

About the former , its a story about childhood , as seen through the eyes of a really young girl.
It addresses a whole plethora of issues , racism being the foremost. I remember how it used to feel when I had questions burning at the back of head all the time waiting to be answered . And when I finally figured it out , it was such a great experience that it has no substitute , not even Quake (!) . The way this books progresses is somewhat similar , one discovery after another through such an honest outlook , that I think we adults suppress so much , its killing a part of us slowly. When you saw something you did not understand ... when you were a child and had an adult around you who could answer these questions satisfactorily , that must have been the beginning of a very well learned life. I recall that I found most of my answers to unanswered questions through books , and many more questions still remain unanswered , but now the problem is I ve forgotten the questions !

The most impressive characters in this book.... almost all of them are very well constructed. The dude being the Mr.Atticus Finch whose harmless ,boring daddy image at the beginning turns to the thoroughly professional lawyer who will not compromise on his integrity for any reason, even threats to harm him in person. His handling of the curious children (his elder son and younger daughter ) is exemplary , if I could compare with any number of parents I have seen. No offence to any real parents , but that guy teaching his children strong principles , with solid reason behind every belief if something which I dream to achieve if and when I have children of my own. This gentleman not only handles his children well , but there is something which is said about him in the book. He's the same inside his house and outside on the streets. This is something which I have heard from my department (ECE- Electronics and Communication) H.O.D , Dr.P.Subbanna Bhat ... he said it once in a Conference hall , and I still had nt fallen asleep due to Quake stress . He said "Only when what you say , what you do ,what you preach , what you practice are the same , you have integrity .Most people have a rift somewhere in them , which makes one or more of these things go awry ...." something to this effect ..and then of course , like the rest of the half of college lectures , I was lost in uncontrollable involuntary nodding. So this character "Atticus Finch" is one of those guys who believes in being consistent in all versions of his interaction and I know chances of meeting his kind are far and few in between. That's enough about Mr.Finch I think , else I ll end up telling the whole story right here .

The youngest character and the narrator of this story is "Scout" . That's what everyone call this really young girl who does not want to be anything "girly". She reminds me of my child hood friend "Sushma" on whom I had a enormous crush for years until I met her a couple of years ago and all my child hood memories were shattered by what was left of her. Back to "Scout" ... shes the embodiment of curiosity , and she asks away questions and very often the answers are not easy to give . Like when I was a kid and I really wanted to know where babies came from. There were several theories floating around at that time. One of them was that if a bee stung a boy and a girl , the girl would then have the boys baby ! It was an ever greater mystery how the baby which I assumed was in the stomach of the mother would ever come except through the ..... And so my mind was so muddled up with alternative theories put forward or atleast repeated by my classmates , that when the actual stuff was taught to us in school , I could n't believe that what I was hearing was true! It seemed like there was something very uncomfortable about the entire topic , which I believe holds true to this day . Anyway "Scout" the girl asks such and many more questions. The best part about it is that there is someone who can give her a satisfactory answer bound by reason and not just mindless sentiment and emotion. Even when the answers are not satisfactory , the reasoning process of the child does not stop, and this is the most important quality any human being should possess. This I realized only after a very long time in my life. Along with her elder brother , she sets out on a learning adventure almost everyday in the book , and what a dream of brother shes got!

Mr Atticus' son's name is "Jem" , and the name just does nt do justice to what he could have probably grown upto be had he been real , or what he was even as a kid. Whats so special about the kid? He's a thinking boy who goes through that hated adolescent phase with a lot of questions and comes out with so many firm beliefs at the end of it , it makes me feel that I wish I was like him. I guess having a firm and loving mentor in his father (like mine) makes the difference between an average run of the mill guy to a good human being with a firm sense of justice . This is not the only characteristic of this boy , he's very adventurous and because of that ends up making great mistakes and consequently learns much greater lessons at such a young age. Being adventurous is not only important when we are kids , but it becomes all the more important when we are adults and life and work bogs us down. Making mistakes not only prepares us for a rough day , but makes us more rounded personalities. This boy impressed me with the dedication he shows to follow his father's words. The way he stands by his sister and father even when there is grave danger at hand. The sense of fairplay in him makes him feel great remorse when a negro is ill treated by just harsh words of a white prosecutor. He grasps some concepts like how the judicial system of having a jury of citizens is not foolproof and in cases of racial nature ,they become topsy turvy with such deep reasoning that his dad must have been one proud guy !

Well , that was a brief look at some of the main characters in that book . I wish to stop here because I don't know if I am doing any justice to the book by giving inklings of the characters involved. There are atleast 2 more important characters in this story , i ll just name them ... one of them is the black house maid and care taker of the children , "Calpurnia" is her name and she reminds me of "Mammy " in "Gone with the wind"( don't blame me if u have nt read tat one ! its a real killer though ...1024 pages !). I give the last but not the least position to the ultra introvert and indoors neighbor "Arthur Radley" ... he's a legend among the kids because nobody's ever seen him step out of the house. What could be the reason?

To find out that and much more , you ve got to read this book . Its not a scare even for the first timers or beginners with the time required I would say roughly 2 - 3 times of that taken for "5 . someone " . I guess most people I know who do read novels regularly have read it already and think its a great book. What I would advise someone whos going to read any book is to go for it without any prejudice about the name/author/cover and so many things , because I have been made to eat the dust so many times about misjudging a book by its cover , I never dismiss any book without reading at least a couple of chapters.

I started off with talking about 2 books , the other one being "one night at the call center" . I ll write about that hopefully this week. I have a many more interesting stories related to that ... more of that later .

Good night

railmani , 12 39 am , 15th April 2006.

Broad band Nightmare !

After a long and painful struggle with the broadband providers in Chennai , I ve decided to vent some of my frustration here . The whole thing began last year when broadband at home to me meant unlimited access to the world wide web and total freedom to go wherever and do whatever without worrying about any firewalls and moral policing. This dream of mine and the ability to afford it made me register for the bsnl dataone connection . This was supposed to use the land lord's (house owner's) land line connection as we (me and my room mate ) were erstwhile bachelors with little or no use for land lines when all things good or bad happen at work ! And so one fine , a bsnl guy comes to our place and says they are ready to set it all up! I was really excited and they managed to get it up and running in a mere 2 days ( we ll come to the comparisons with other services later) . This particular connection needed a login and password . At that time , it seemed fine , I mean how much trouble is it to login each time u turn on the comp?? But eventually it became evident there was a reason for this . The resources apparently were n't up and running all the time . And when someday I would come home really excited and just waiting to do some serious blogging / quaking , the ISP would f*** my dreams and just meanly deny any pleasure in life. Ok , sometimes broadband just doesn't connect you say, come on this is India and its a govt. organisation you are talking about . Anyway it used to be good whenever it did connect and I ve played some good games in Quake , and also downloaded some useless yet bulky files in the 2 am to 8 am slot which promises to make you an insomniac for sure ! After a couple of months we got our first bill , as part of the telephone bill and to our collective chagrin , we got some extra download bill ... something like 1000 bucks extra! Ok, we decided to really watch our backs and also our downloads and with extra care we managed to avoid any extra payment the following time. Again we followed the 2 to 8 funda and yet again we were f***ed big time ! So finally after getting no responses from the bsnl ppl, we decided to lose the registration fee and get this huge blood sucker off our backs . After heaving a sigh of relief , we got back to our humdrum lives .

I really missed quaking on broadband and after a couple of months , both of us ( hardcore gamers) decided to try out airtel broadband of which we had got some rave reviews from office folk and friends . It was startlingly simple to get in touch with a PR guy and also set up a meeting . The plan had to be unlimited download and at least 256 kbps ,and since we had two of us, we decided to go for a 256 kbps , unlimited which came up to a steep 1k nearly. We didnt care, all we wanted was to be logged on happily ever after . We rested with fond dreams and all the unpleasant memories of bsnl stashed away. After paying a 500 buck registration , some of the engineers came over and had a look at the existing infrastructure at the locality and came to the conclusion that a new "box" was needed to be put up on the wall of the house we lived in . I think that would act like a junction for more connections to be put up in our street. It was fine by me , but it wasnt for the house owner ...so at the end of the day , we started off with 500 bucks lesser than before and still no broadband! To get that money back , I had to go through a few phone calls and angry smses for a week or so . I did get back a DD with the original amount of Rs.500 , and that was the end of the airtel episode.

Afte another month of no internet , I decided to take the plunge once again and got in touch with Hathway Cable Internet providers. At that time I was ill informed about cable broadband and also the way this particular company operated. After meeting one the PS guys who was properly polite and even pretended to be from home town , I ended up paying Rs 2645 as refundable deposit + registration fees + rent for one month of 256 kbps unltd. I was really impressed when the cable guys came the next day and completed their job of getting the cable into my room. The next day which was a saturday the modem was in place and sometime before sunday afternoon , the connection was up and running. It was really cool and I was patting myself on my back. My new computer had enough bytes to chew on , I thought . But this joy was shortlived as I started downloading some big files , (quake videos and stuff) ... the download rate started off with something like 30 kbps which is pretty decent and then it just decayed steadily and came to 5 kbps!! which was literally daylight robbery . The time it would take to download for a 10 MB file was more than a few hours . By the time one of the hathway guys came to collect the "satisfied" signature from me , I was fuming through my ears. I refused outright to sign any document until he set the connection right. The engineer (thats what he called himself) tried downloading more than one file at a time and thankfully came to the same conclusion . He made me use the silly email service provided by hathway to send an e-mail to chennaihelp@hathway.net , which by the way I suspect is automated to reply " You request has been forwarded to the appropriate section. " or something like that . Anyway , the first time it said this , I was taken in by the promptness of the reply. The engineer took back the modem for "testing" and since then I ve not seen him or the modem again !!

After this incident I mailed these people and called up their customer support many times. The call would be received by a young guy/ girl , probably just out of college , who would n't know nuts about what is going on about my problem. I guess its not their fault that the information is not available to them . After many frustrating calls and irritated emails with names of the people involved and also the obscence fees collected for nothing , still there was no satisfying reply or information about anything. Finally on one fine day (or so i thought) I decided to go their office and confront them outright . After taking some vague directions from Ramana( a friend who I guess knows Chennai pretty well or at least pretends to ..) , I got to their office on Eldham's road sometime in the afternoon . It was a pretty small place I should say. Being used to somewhat bigger workstations and generally everything else at my office , this was pretty cramped . The security guard directed me to the first floor (ground floor is for the Cable division). I was wondering how many people these people must have taken for a ride as I walked up the stairs. I entered the office and right in front was the receptionist , a middle aged , more towards the younger side woman with a disinterested and distracted look . On enquiring I was told someone would come and speak to me. So, I settled down on the musty sofa and was wondering what harsh words would convey my anger and frustration rightly and get things done. I had a look at a notice board placed in front of the entrance . There was a company motto which said something about satifsying the customer expectations always and trying to go beyond that . "Ironically funny " would be a nice comment to attach to it I thought . There were some brochures lying on the table which promised to show what broadband could really do ! Now that I knew what it could do , I was kicking myself mentally for paying that money in the first place.
I got back to my perch and after a few minutes , a really small and shrunken guy with some kind of uniform came to me . I had to speak in Tamil to him .He asked me for the bill which I held. Apparently he wanted some details in it , but I was a bit more careful now after the milk was spilt. I refused to give it to him . After a few more minutes another really tall guy came to me. He looked well dressed and the look on his face was something like embarassment and fear and a bit of professionalism . I explained my plight and added a few more descriptive phrases for effect . He went back in and some conversation ensued which I could hear through my super dull hearing ( guess it was loud) . He came back and said something like
"The process is underway , the Bombay office will have to approve this and as soon as that happens you will get back your money .This will take around 20 days ".
I thought of asking them to do something and return it immediately . But this guy seemed somewhat sincere , he was n't begging and pleading like the others before him , he just stated it matter of factly . I decided to go with my sixth sense and said "ok fine " and went home .

After nearly a 3 weeks of visiting their office , I decided to call them up and find out whats happening . The billing centre put me in touch with some guy called "Ramesh" who promised me vehemently that I would get my money within ten 10 days . Again after 10 days , the same guy said that it was not possible until the first week of the next month , thats april , because of the financial year end or something. I am not too savvy about that , and after promising that I would take legal action against them after that , I kept my phone down yet again in failure .

And that brings me to the present where I am typing out this blog hoping that it might help someone not to get into such avoidable messes . The best thing to avoid such things is to enquire from 3 - 4 people about the service they get from their providers and of course look through google / wikipedia or something . I did all this a little late and came to the conclusion that among all the providers here , airtel gives a good connection , consistent and with less problems. Their PR guys are polite and try hard to get things done . And most importantly , they returned my money with a short delay of a week or so , which is ok-ok. Tata indicom , I heard is ok with some people who don't face any problems after installation. But others say that getting any service is a nightmare ! BSNL is similar to the previous one , their bills are really difficult to believe though . They don't even have a reliable way to keep track of your download status (amount used up so far) and other basic amenities . Matter(a fellow broadband victim) , got a bill of 7k for some month!! Which would mean that he downloaded around 3-4 GB in excess of 1 GB excluding the 2am to 8am slot , which is quite impossible . Other providers I don't know about , it would be interesting to get some input about them as well from anyone reading this.

After much pain and damage , I ve decided to NOT get a broadband connection in Chennai anymore , even if it means no online Quake and less blogging :( . A costly lesson , I hope well learnt .

-railmani

Life = (Dream > reality)? Dream : reality ;

What would you do when you finally meet the guy/girl of your dreams? Hmm , I think this is a question most of us must have asked ourselves quite a few times . At least I have . But by thinking about the statement , I make an assumption that the girl who I am thinking about is the girl of my dreams. Might seem like a small technicality , but to me its very difficult to think of some creature who has all the characteristics which I would like in a mate. When I indulge in such fantasy , my thought (while its still clear and still in some sensible domain) are centered around some one I ve met and known, at least talked to . So this means the very idea of a girl of my dream is corrupt , cause the dream girl cannot be defined completely as virtual because shes somewhat dependant on real people and the real ones cannot become the dream one completely because they are in fact finite non abstract beings with some definite characteristics which cannot match a set of parameters which are entirely undefined . Hmm , now that was a whole lot of bullshit at one go , was n't it?? I am getting complaints about this habit of mine from people around me , but what the hell , whens the last time saying anything sensible been fun .

I guess there was one time when I lost out on something because I wasn't sensible enough at the right time . Now that I think of it , there have been quite a few times . One of these was at my college nitk . There used to be a college press club which was considered to be the domain of the highly creative and cool . And moi being somewhat in that category , at least the former ... gave it a try. An illustrious and a really "cool" , (actually one of the coolest to my fresher eyes ) seniors walked in and gave us the topic in a typical bangalore lingo (now tats a vague definition if there ever was one) . " A screw on the floor is better than a nail in the door" . "Give it your best shot he said" .

At that time , my impression of college clubs and other such societies was moulded into a single thought: " Either be the first , different ,or really good at something to make it" . Now I wasn't quite sure I was n't the best , I knew I could be the first to get some new idea , and also the one to really be different at what I did , quite deliberately. And thats what I ended up doing. I wrote one of the most lewd and insane peice of crap I could come up with . I guess you could think what I might have written. I feel really lousy I can't go back in time and erase that. Anyway , with such a topic , I guess the idea was to see how you could make it something worthwhile without letting your mind follow the usual "trying to impress " modes . I ended up one of them in the negative direction . Even then it might have been to my advantage coz u can never really say whose wavelength matches yours and in what way. But when there is such a situation where I have given it a full go in one direction , and when I knew it was bad, ... it would n't succeed. And so I was n't one of the people who made it to the next round . I heard very interesting things about the interviews and also after that , the press gang was considered somewhat a sense of awe , or disdain or many other emotions depending on ones relationship with them. For me , it was a feeling of I should have been one of them, cribbing / gossipping about the college going ons
and at the same time getting in so many puns and hidden meanings that it would have really given me some twisted sense of pleasure. Anyway that was n't meant to be and life went in a different direction.

I started off with a dream mate and now I ll return to that topic . Hmm , What is the most interesting thing about each time I have the dreams I am talking about .They are totally awesome dreams which make me feel sometimes that reality sucks big time! A part of me knows that reality is the ultimate thing and dreaming (especially late morning ) is really harmful to the real life u have) , but that part of me just disappears in the absence of a good night's sleep and consequent fatigue... and I become literally a man living in a dream. I get lost in those small yet so pleasing a fanasy like I take that girl out to the place I eat everyday , and I comment on the smallest details which nobody but me has ever thought about. Like how good the sambhar at "Sangeetha " tastes and why having "Ghee dosa " instead of "oil dosa" is anyday a better option . How wonderful it usually feels to be at a place called Elliot's beach where the bajji's sold hot and piping are such wonderful appetizers and later cause a minor tummy ache without fail. Ok , ok , I know this is kind of wierd and seems unlikely that a guy has such dreams. I can explain . These are some of the thoughts which run through my at some point in the day when I know that I am
lonely and reveries just creep in . Well , one of my wierd fantasies is that this girl is a quaker ( plays this game called quake 3 arena) !! I imagine that we fight for hours at a stretch and shes as good as me and when that happens , the tournament ( 1 on 1 ) games can go on for a long time with really demanding concentrations. The thought of such a game is in itself such a great thing that I can't how it would be if we met face to face .Yeah , I know thats wierd , but does n't everyone want to meet someone whos also great at what you are and is able to enjoy it as much as you do? ...

I guess I ve broadly covered a couple of dream types I ve had until now , one , the really small reveries which come up every now and then about something which is ready to be said but lacks the situation or the right company; two : the really wierd ones where ur deepeset ,darkest desires come true ( well not really tat deep , is it ;)) . There is one more kind I believe , which comes somewhat in between these two. It might be a really not so sensible classification like a discrete "enum" or a "typedef" , but i think its worth documenting . This usually goes like this ... I go ahead with the many rehearsed attempts at proposals and as a pleasant surprise , she accepts ! And then I live through heaven for the rest of that dream , which ... covers quite a bit of time. The time when we go out to different places to eat and we do all the silly exciting things that lovers do. When its so exciting to be out at a restaurant looking deep into her eyes when you know that some class is also going down the drain at college at the same time . Eventually it leads to a marriage and then things can go two ways , one : I can't mention here and the other I suddenly end up with a family and I have such an adorable bunch of kids whose only hero is me ! And the wife is all shy in front of the kids ... yeah , my mind is an awesome place to be and when I finally realise that it was all a dream ... I find it really hard to beleive for some time that what happened actually did not happen at all!

Those are some of my experiences , if you can call them that ... here are some of the really cool stuff as in movies/ stories I ve come across . There is this Science fiction writer called Philip K dick ... who used to write some totally amazing out of the world books. The movie "Total recall" is based on one of his books , in which there is a concept of "memory implants " which give you the impression of having had a wonderful holiday in Mars with the woman of your choice and you can choose the package you want to experience. Now that is one truly twisted story which is so logically appealing yet so amazingly out of the world , u got to watch it to beleive it. Thers is one more story in which there is a cop who is searching for a killer and after he finally solves the mystery , he discovers that he himself is the killer , yeah , multiple personalities ,memory implants , androids, robots were all run of the mill for this guy and seeing through his eyes , you get lost. Not very far behind or maybe in some ways ahead is this other writer called "Isaac Asimov" whose "Foundation " series is his main claim to fame. In one of his short stories collection I ve read one where , there is a profession for dreamers. Can you believe it ? professional dreamers ! but for what reason ? There is technology to capture what goes on while you dream as video and audio ! so the better the dreamer you are , the audience who buys your "dream " has the same experience with the same thrills . It does to come to a logical conclusion at some point of time when the real life of the professional dreamer becomes meaningless , because his first nature is to dream and then to live . Can you imagine a social life where you can't which is real ? the woman in your dreams or the woman who is your wife.... thats what happens here , and that is an amazing story. You can get that book if you tried , i think the name was "collection of short stories " or something similiar to that , by Isaac Asimov.

Well , I think I ve reached a suitable level of exhaustion from quake ,blogging and tv to put me in dream mode , so good night and sweet dreams !

Adyar to Minerva Circle...

If you have read some of my earlier posts , and also guessed that (or know that) the wierd nouns in the title are places in Chennai and Bangalore , then you probably know that its about one of my inter city trips which always turn out to be eventful .

This time around I was beaten to the coveted train tickets by many other people with similar intentions of travel and for the first time in Chennai I was forced to explore the possibility of a private bus. There are several reasons why private bus travel is not a preferred mode for me .
First , it costs almost double of the train ticket ; second , there is usually no sleeper, there are only semi sleepers ... which actually mean that the seats recline halfway down , but for mean the sleep always turns out to be "semi" so I can't really blame the bus , it does warn me. Third, you are usually put in close proximity with someone who if fun to talk , the journey is really worth the trouble or else it becomes a real nightmare ( like the time I travelled from mangalore to bangalore and ended up behind a puky lady who would n't close the windows and literally froze me).

Getting back to the present , I always used to wonder how it would be to sit next to a woman and travel. For one thing , I really can't trust myself to make any sensible conversation when I am actually trying to ... hehe . On this day , I was about to find out . The boarding place of the bus was just opposite my house in Chennai and I had managed to pack(read dump) almost all of my stuff and get there on time . My seat number was 20 and I deposited my huge bag with the clothes under the seat and the smaller backpack on the seat . I noticed that right next to me sat a lady and she was reading some book. I settled down to a very uncomfortable journey and to make matters worse , after some time another girl came and sat on my left ! The seating was 2 + 1 , so the second lady was in the neighbouring row. My discomfiture was only increasing and I turned to my trusty nokia 2300 to keep me occupied for the time being . The radio was playing some silly tamil songs , the type where the music is totally dependant on the lyrics .I closed my eyes and was thinking how I would spend the next few hours avoiding looking at or speaking to my neighbours. As a matter of habit I don't speak much to anyone other than my friends , and even that is very less . And when the other person is a woman , its all the more difficult for me to get chattery and it usually takes me many occasions before I can be comfortable .

I continued reflecting on such things when I thought what if I need not be that way , why let such silly reasons make me change the way I behave. And so I opened my eyes and started looking out the windows on either side. We were going past my daily route to office via the famous "Nandanam signal" and onto "Venkatnarayana Road". The familiarity made me more comfortable . I had a look at the book my neighbour was holding and thinking that a safe way to make an opening was "Hi , which book are reading ? " but I ended up saying "Excuse me, do you have anything to read besides that". She smiled and said "No , this is the only one I have, you can read it if you want". Thats when I noticed that the book was a Sidney Sheldon. I was allergic to Sidney Sheldon books ... they are equivalent to the masala bollywood films , though not as bad. I said " I don't think I ll be able to read the entire novel, seems too big" which was pretty obvious , but sometimes its better to state the obvious than not say anything at all ( Like in all those team meetings where people beat around the bush to just say something for sometime).
Realising that I was about to end the conversation prematurely , I ventured with " I would like to have a look at the back cover ..." and read through the story. I don't remember the title , but the story about some psychoanalyst doctor , one of whose patients had committed murder and was about to have this guy framed , or murdered . Not really exciting I thought and said " The print is not very small , I think this can be read in 3 - 4 hours". It was improvisation, so don't blame me for pointless talk. Anyway a conversation can't go on with one person talking. I think thats the time when she took over . We started off talking about work , and then places of origin ,incidents at work , roommates , dogs , friends , family and I even learnt a bit about server maintenance and spread some gyaan about VC++ . The time the bus started off must have 9 45 pm and we started talking at around 10 15 i think and this went on until 5 minutes to 12 .

Finally at the around midnight, I started feeling drowsy and we decided to call it quits and I dozed off lightly . Dozing off in the initial phase was fun , but after some time , it got colder and the fine channels of air coming through were maing life difficult . To make matters worse , I knew that I had a shawl in my travel bag under my seat and my legs were tightly packed under the seat of the guy in front. I assumed I wouldn't be able to take it out and decided to somehow get through the night. After some more time ,it became really unbearable and I somehow managed to extricate my feet and get the life jacket ( in this case my shawl) out and looking at my watch found that it was already 4 am. After an hour of fitful sleep , the lights came on and the bus guy started shouting out stop names for the benefit of alighting passengers. My neighbour was up and she said "its terribly cold at this time" . I could n't agree more with her .
I enquired whether the bus would go via Richmond circle so that I could travel home easier. I found out that she wanted go to a place on the way to my place and I suggested we could take an auto and somewhat reduce each other's fee by going together. So we got down at a place called "Minerva circle" and were immediately accosted by 2 autodrivers speaking in tamil. She didn't know tamil so I spoke for both of us. The auto guy was asking "Yenga ponum saar, vanga" ( where do you want to go sir , come with me) . On telling him her destination , he said " Oh , neenga Madivala le yeringirindha rombo easy , straight road"(you should have got down at Madivala itself , from there it s really easy , a straight road) . I was pleasantly surprised to discover such a good natured auto guy who would n't giving out a trade secret for free. But this was shortlived , immediately he quoted an atrocious price which would have got from Chennai to Bangalore by train! Because of my dad , who is Bangalorean to the core , I knew the approximate rate from there to my place , so we decided that its better to go by bus than give these guys our hard earned money. We stood at the bus stand shivering for some time , and she asked me , "Don't you have a jacket or something ?" . I knew I had the shawl in my bag and knew it would look ridiculous , but thought "Whats the big diff ?" and put it own to trap some much needed body warmth from escaping into the morning chill. The time was still between 5 30 to 6 and we waited for a few minutes before an enterprising auto guy came right upto us tempting us like the devil saying that theres no bus at that time. But she said she knew better , so we waited for some more time. And I gave in to the temptation first and dragged her into . It was pretty reasonable , before 6 am , 1 1/2 of the meter charge , first her destination , then mine. And so we set off with bags and all through the chilly morning air. Through this short journey I was wondering how I would get her mail id or some form of communication.(I remembered a friend's similar plight on Chennai - Blore day trip by train in an ac car) . I finally decided to be proactive and offered my card and that was the end of it. Finally we reached her place and after good byes I headed home with really fond memories which I think are worth preserving in a blog and in my mind.

At the end of the journey I was wondering whether I had missed a lot of such opportunities to make friends like this all my life. It was true and I knew that it was something worth changing for the better. And also also it is better to try out new things at least once in a while , it gives you a chance to grow with each new experience.

-railmani

A slap in the face....

Sometimes I wonder what I would have been now , had it not been for some incident which occured in my childhood days. There have been quite a few for which I am very thankful to my family , without whose guidance I might have ended up choosing an alternate path. The following is a very important one and like many other hidden memories , it was stirred by an intercity train journey (with out a book).

I used to be a small boy in my 4th or 5th std, when I suddenly realised that I had immense talent in some things . I could sketch almost exactly any diagram from a text book to the note book ; it was a pity that none of the subjects required it very often. I also had strong faith in my physical strength , which I believed was indicated by the number of veins visible on the back of one's hand(!). Sometimes I could hit a marble from a few metres away with amazing accuracy... I used to know when the marble left my hand that it would reach its intended spot without fail. All these abilities were somewhat stable and I could trust them to be there the next day. There were things I sucked at , these were the ball games which the locality kids loved ... cricket,football,hockey and the desi "lagori"(quite simply put, like dodge ball but with a rubber ball and the entire body as the target and the whole neighbourhood as the arena),"koli-koli" and others. I was the also ran in most of these games with the occasional glimmer . Then one day I came across a really neat game , but am really not able to recall the name.

Heres how we used to play it. Find a short sturdy stick or peice of wood and shape it like a baton with the help of the local carpenter ( for free ) . Then get the projectile ready; this was another peice of wood , about 1/3 rd the size of the baton - and tapering at both ends . Make a groove on the ground/road (usually road) such that the baton's head could slide in it at an acute angle while maintaining contact with the ground . The player with the baton would slide the smaller stick out of this groove with the help of the larger one with as much power as he can summon. The distance travelled by this projectile is noted and after a round robbin , the order of play is decided by the distance covered by the projectile. After this , the player in the decided order places the smaller tapering peice of wood on the ground and strikes one end so that it causes a moment to applied to that object and raises it above the ground to meet the dynamic fulcrum. And then the player strikes it as hard as he can . After this I remember that with a limited number of shots the player needs to cover as large a distance as possible with the same procedure. And thats the game which I now remember is called "gilli dhanda"!

One fine evening I was introduced to "gilli dhanda" and I found it appealing and took to it like fish to water. Breezing through the qualifier I struck the tapered end of the gilli with the baton and it rose through the air in arcs and spirals as though in slow motion . My right hand swung and struck it right at the place where its center of gravity would be and sent it flying through the air... in the background I could hear my companions screaming "beda, beda , hodibeda!" (don't hit ! )..in kannada. Following the trajectory of the gilli , it stopped abruptly at the forehead of a man. And immediately a small red drop appeared in its place and the gilli dropped impotently at his feet. At that instant I was annoyed because he had stopped a brilliant shot , but realised that the bigger fault was mine. I was even prepared to apologize, which is something I normally never do/did. He walked towards me abruptly , and I remember he was dressed formally , very much like how I am dressed when I go to /return from office . I opened my mouth to say "sorry" when his hand slapped my face real hard. It was a stinging sensation which made my entire face real hot and my ears felt like they were on fire , but something in me made me stay put. He glared at me and walked off . Not one word was spoken in that interval of maybe 10 seconds. His slap was simply his way of returning the shot on his forehead with my gilli. It might not have been as painful but it certainly made me stop playing gilli dhanda forever! and slowly any other physical game for many years .

This event's importance : it made me see things through my own eyes , as it made me face the consequence of my own actions , and I didn't crib to my parents about and neither did anyone else. I could reasonably say that this was one of the reasons I eventually became an introvert and started reading books. And that was a real starting point of independant learning for me. This idea of independant learning is the only thing which can help you in any venture... cause nobody can force you to learn and pretending to learn is again no use to anyone , cause you again end up fooling yourself more than the others.

Thats an incident which I thought was worth sharing, I ve got plenty more where it came from ... until next time , tata

Ctrl C + ctrl V

The title of this blog is something which most of us (engineers..typlically software engrs)would find trivial and so trite that its barely given any attention. The concept of "copy paste " is something which I really feel should be discussed in the open , like "sex" ,"work culture","emotional blackmail" ... "sexual discrimination" and so many other things which bother me .

When I was in college in the period 2000 - 2004 , the use of the "Personal computer" which my dad bought me for (alleged) use in academics was used for really personal reasons alone, the main one being "Quake".A feature which I never cared or gave much attention to was "copy -paste". It did exist though in many forms , assignments , bits , just oral communication in tests and in just about any place it could squeeze itself in , justified by the exigency of the situation. I can't boast of a clean slate in this regard , for I have been guilty of intentional ignorance of the nature of this act. At one time I was caught with a bit underneath my question paper and the teacher was furious .... because I had gone against his policy of only whispering allowed. He somehow couldn't swallow the fact that both amounted to malpractice. Having got away with just a mild punishment of not being considered for that test (best of 3) , I didn't really lose the will to go on copying . And so one day , when a company's entrance test was going on ... I spied with my little eye that a guy in front of me seemed to be ticking the correct options as if he was guessing ... but knowing him better than that , I knew he was solving the problems rapidly. I could have gone on with my own paper , but the temptation was too great for me at that moment , and I did the "ctrl c - ctrl v" without a wink( the silver lining was that the only person I had lied to was myself ,coz the guy I was copying from didn't know about it ...). At the end of his paper , I felt a pang of guilt , brought on by many factors . The fact that I had read works of "Ayn Rand" and not let it even prevent me from such an act and the fact that a teacher called "Rao" had himself condemned it in such strong words and actions .It made me feel like one of those righteous guys who justify that "girls should not be so outgoing , guys will obviously try to flirt ..." . At that point of time I decided to correct what I had done and do the problems all over again. I solved a couple and to my chagrin I found the answers I had imported wrong !!! Wondering what had gotten into that guy , I suddenly realised that the question paper code was
different and the questions would be jumbled up! I felt a stab of joy and a sense of urgency , because now I knew this is what copying amounted to ... and that I had only 15 minutes left .
At the end of the test , I came out happy because I had done alomst every question to the best of my ability and the remaining guessed at my own risk. To tell you how I actually got shortlisted and what happened after would take another entire blog , so I ll desist ... I ll get back to the main topic , copy - paste.

The above incident did occur , and with it , I think I have become a better person . After going through the motions of completing college , I became a software engineer. Work , I knew was something which you are expected to do and you get paid for it. The employer gives you value in terms of money and the employee returns in by doing a service with something for which there is no substitute , the thinking powere of the human brain. At first , it was new and the learning curve was expected to be steep and it was . I spent hours trying to understand the meaning of obscure function calls with parameters which were literally out of the world. The innocence of "int" , "float" and "char" was lost in the jungle of "maps","lists" and other such data structures into which you could bundle the ints and floats of yesterday. Reading code was like reading a novel , if you don't know what a word means in a book , you open the dictionary and get its meaning, and insert it into the present context and proceed with a clear picture of whats happening. The same happens even in code , the dicitonary being online help and installable help applications. Its an amazingly simple thing to do ... at first it takes a large amount of time to understand what each function means and what the parameters actually contain and so on , but once you are familiar with it , its as easy to write code as it is to write a story or a poem . The difference being that code is meant to perform some useful action and is not a vent for frustration/love/creativity ... or could it be ?? Coding can be wonderful sometimes , because the possibilities open for you to create is literally boundless . The amount of knowledge available at the touch of your fingertips and the resources available if put to good use ... anything can be achieved. Having said all this about how wonderful the world of the software engineer is , I am now going to tell you what actually happens in contrast to what actually should happen .

In the ideal situation , you are an ambitious , hard working , intelligent guy/ girl whose only intention is to do something which you can be proud of , take your salary and go home happy at the end of the day. You want to be given some work which is intellectually challenging and when you complete it with application of your logical thought , you are given due credit for it and life goes on smoothly after that. But what really happens , while you spend hours trying to understand what is happening and how to correct an error or improve an implementation, another person walks up to his "friend"/"senior"... in short some one who surely knows already how to do the task he/shes' assigned and the work is done instantly ! Without the effort of even opening the dictionary , a direct download of the necessary data happens via "ctrl c + ctrl v" from the other's brain , with the other's consent. And so you sit and continue with your work while at some other system in your floor , an application runs with the fuel of borrowed intelligence. I often think who can you blame in this scenario , the person who righteously demands that you do his/her work because you are the one who has the ability to do it or you , who consents in this mindless blood transfusion . But blood transfusion is good right ? its the right of the person who is lying dying to get his life out of the living you ... i don't believe in all that , for giving a part of you which is so important as your life force , you should get a payment in return ... and the transaction should not take place unless its mutal exchange.

Hopefully I got across the message of it is to "copy and paste " in a scenario where the integrity of your work is in such grave danger at all times . Though the interpretation of some people of this concept maybe wrong , its nevertheless a wonderful gift when its deserved. If you sit at a problem and try sincerely to solve it and achieve success , the joy you feel is great. If you understand the problem and cannot solve it after trying with all means possible , and then a greater / more knowledgable mind helps you, you are then in a position to appreciate what effort must have gone in to achieving the knowledge and skill he/she possesses. The true value of the help obtained can be measured directly from the amount of effort you put in and still could not arrive at a solution.

There are many aspects to treating knowledge as a resource and its really upto the individual how he/she takes it. My experience tells me that the more I work by myself ,the better I get at my work with no dependancies like a class in C++ which only exposes interfaces to the outside world and does not give access to its data members. With still many questions in my mind , some answered some not , I take leave , until I write again.

bye

quake rulez...

Twas a lonely night , my heart bled
The days were over cause she fled
From me ? Why ? ... I knew , each other we
misinterpret
And the world seemed so ....like my eyes ,red.























To war I turned , for love had spurned
Donning armor I stepped into the blue
At first I walked and then I flew!
Caring not for the doubting few .


Quckly I learnt the tricks of the blade...
The bullet,rocket,lightning bolt and grenade,
And steadily the rail began to find its mark.
Thus grew a gladiator in Hell's park.
















In the arena , we lived , the warriors and I
No day , no night we knew , no food nor water , no sigh
Soldiers fought and killed and woke up again to try.
For the arena gave u life, only to take others' away


To turn back the wheels of time we strived,
....In the arena , only the fittest survive.
The real test lay not only in skill ,
But the desire to again and again , kill .



Reaching the pinnacle of glory was never so sweet ,
As when the enemy lies in shreds at your feet .
Decimated by the shrapnel of ur elusive grenade
And the final nail in the coffin ,
Is the deadly rail u were mocking .



Life as a warrior if u wish to make ,
Join me in a world called "Quake"
Play when the world's asleep or awake .
For there lies not one life , but many at stake....

**************************************************

Railmani

Blogging through Email

the title says it all ...

__________________________________________________________
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! Sixth sense

You might be wondering what the title "! Sixth Sense" means . If you 've watched the movie , you 'd probably relate this to the boy's ability to see "dead people" . For me , the "! " implies the negation operator and the "sixth sense " means a quality which humans are said to possess , called "intuition" . So the expression evaluates to "lack of sixth sense" . If you want to find out why i came to this apparently ridiculous conclusion , read on ....


This is a series of events which actually occured to me , you are free to draw your conclusions from them :

A couple of my colleagues got their long awaited (not by them) turn to treat the other 6 of a group of 8 . Somehow I ended up volunteering to take one of them "doubles " on my (legendary) Yamaha to Satyam , so that we could book tickets for the next day's show . And so we set off after a detailed set of instructions from two other guys , who incidentally give the same directions to the same places , but with such contrast in styles of delivery and stresses on important landmarks , that at the end of it , I am back the starting point.
Anyway that didn't matter too much, because I had a navigator behind me and another lady who we followed to the destination . Being my first time out into the "heavy" traffic of Chennai , and that too with a passenger , I was riding very carefully . So carefully that I could n't be drawn into an accident even if I wanted to . We continued guided until the guide "horse" left us with directions and we went through unhindered . Finally at one point of time , we were very close to Satyam multplex , and I was headed into a road which had no vehicles going along with me . This struck me odd and I almost followd my "intuition" when I decided to trust my passenger's common sense and went along the same road . At the corner of the road stood a guy in uniform .... he could have been anything , a conductor , a school boy , a soldier ....anything like , I would n't have cared , but he was a traffic cop! By the time we realised , we were so close to him , he turned around and immediately grabbed my handles and took the key . He was maybe in his fifties , with a white mush and the traffic cop uniform . I was so stunned by this turn of events , I was thinking how I would get my bike out of the police station once it was taken ! My friend though was quicker thinking and was already citing reasons and trying to convince him to let us go. I was dumbstruck .During the course of the conversation that followed , he quoted the original "price " of "escape" as Rs.1500 /= and the "subsidised " amount he was offering as Rs.200 .
We ended up paying 50 each and the old guy must have gone home happy that day. Not to mention I was relieved that I got off easily , and pissed off because I had displayed lack of trust in myself by not listening to the "sixth sense" . After this incident , I came to find out many unwritten rules of the game ." Never give more than 50 bucks to a single cop "; "Never look into the eyes of a cop on the road when you are in a traffic signal in "red" state " .... and other such rational and straight forward stuff .


You would think I learnt my lesson , and lived happily ever after riding unitl my bike rusted to destruction or until I got a new car or another multitude of possibilities . Here's what actually happened .

After a couple of months of the first incident , I was returning home to Adyar from office and was forced to stop at a signal on the Sardar Patel road . This was at around 10 pm at night , yeah its true I had no business going home at that time , but I guess some things happen to warn you of greater dangers to come ! At the signal , a traffic cop was casually looking at the vehicles waiting . And suddenly he noticed something amiss or different in mine and asked me to pull over to the side . I was like "Oh man! ... not again". This time I was better prepared to handle this situation , with all the gyaan" of the earlier incident still fresh . After a lot of fundas and apologies from me , I ended up fifty bucks poorer . I was really .... happy to let go of that fifty because it was half of the hundred buck fine last time and I had handled it well. Even then , I made a show of it to my friends and life went on peacefully .

That was like the mediocre second part of a movie trilogy , but the final one takes the cake , I promise !

In this huge city called "Chennai " I was relocated to a new office building which is located on "North Usman Road " . This is one of the busiest areas in the peak hours and you could literally pull your hair with frustration if you didn't have to hold both the handles to thread through the gaps provided by the "> 4 " wheelers , cycle guys , pedestrians ! and all other two wheelers . You could argue that why not take it cool and follow them at a safe distance . I say that there is no safe distance ! If you are going to slow, there ll be overtakes from the left and right, sudden brakes from the front and possibly a nudge from behind .
And so , I follow the wave of traffic trying to steer clear from the crowd from the only way possible , the front . After a lot of detailed instructions from the afore mentioned illustrious colleagues , I managed to find the office on the first day with not even a hitch as far as direction was concerned . The same night I returned by another route which was suggested by third guy and put me in an venturesome mood . I always sucked as a navigator and I thought "ok, now is the time to learn", and I set out on the new route . It took me so long to reach home I thought 'll nver take that same route again ... although the route was pretty straight forward if you come back late at night when "no entries" are "enterable" . This registered somewhere in my brain as a brownie point for being adventurous and the next day at work , I was upbeat about charting new territory. After a tiring day at work , all my sensible senses told me to go by the main road (mount road ) and reach home safe and sound , but that little devil in me said " What the hell is the shortcut for then?".

I avoided the "GN Chetty road" , the road to GRT Grand and took the third road on the "circle" around "Panagal Park" and went past "Nandanam signal " on mount road , pretty confident of the route . Eventually I reached the "Satyam office" signal , (Maruthi India showroom also there ). At this place , it was so familiar I decided to have a closer look . So I stopped over and found that going right there would go to "Kotturpuram bridge " and then to Cancer Institute Adyar and then all the way home ! But again there was something which made me defy all logic and straight I went thinking "All roads lead to Adyar". The next right had a huge board which said "Adyar =>" showing the direction very clearly . I followed with a sense of relief . The next few turns I took were familiar from the previous night's escorted trip to Satyam and back . And then I came upon an active "no entry " . I reached a road called "Greenways" which incidentally has Mylapore railway station (if I am wrong , please correct me ) and this joined an extremely sorry excuse for a road . This felt like mountain biking through the city but it was a trodden path , so I ventured forth . Through a hazy sequence of roads and bylanes and avoiding one ways I came to mount road again ! and encountered another one way , the one after Teynampet signal when you take a left . Ominously I saw a couple of auto guys going forward and and turning around as if an invisible wall was stopping them . I didn't get the message , part of the stupor of "monitor" fatigue and stubborn recalcitrance made me go on further. Another auto guy turned around and on his way back was saying "go , go there's no problem , its night only , nobody will catch" . And I trusted him , for the only reason that I had got reliable information many times from the same kind of guys . Just a few metres ahead after the glare of the traffic became less, saw a traffic cop approaching me briskly . For a few seconds I was again numb , dumbstruck and he muttering , " even the auto guy is scared and you are coming happily ! " . "Not again :( I thought .. " . He took my keys and crossed the road where there was a more official looking bunch of traffic cops with bike,radio and all things which strike fear in the guy who gets caught . And then he saw my badge and seemed slightly mollified and started speaking with some respect and the tone of a teacher talking to an erring favourite student . I realised later that he knew he would definitely get some money out of me ! After the initial quote of 1500 bucks payable at the court , before which my bike would be siezed , he came down to "How much will you pay? ". I said "I ll pay fifty". But unfortunately ,being dressed in good clothes worked out against me . The smart thing to do , as my friend later told me is to immediately take all money out of ur wallet except 50 bucks and cite reasons like "I am in a big hurry to go home , an emergency
came up and ...." and some cock and bull story like that . If there is one thing I am worse at than navigation, its cooking up stories . And so I parted with 400 hard earned bucks to again roam free ....? on the streets of Chennai .

At the end of this trilogy , I hope this is not "The beginning " and is in fact "The end " !

Learning ....

When a human being is born , as in exitting the mother's womb and entering the outside world , the first thing he/she 's (sex does'nt matter at this point of time u say? oh it does ! the female already has eggs in her ovaries ! just a piece of trivia I remember from 11th) expected to do is confirm a pat on the backside by the doctor . It does n't matter that the confirmation is of the most negative connotation for adults most of the time . Who tells the baby that it should cry when it feels pain ? I think thats part of the basic set of defensive mechanisms built in /hard coded in the brain(wonder when we can start coding on that platform! ) . But from that point onwards , the baby is an amazing sponge ... not just for milk and other liquids , but also for "learning" . Its true that a new born kid can swim in water ! It has not yet learnt the meaning of fear . "Basic instinct " actually fits this kind of behaviour very well , don't you think ?

The brain is a very complex organ , compared to say a computer . Memory storage and retrieval is too good in the case of a computer ,as far as accuracy of information is concerned . But when it comes to locating the starting point of a "thread"(sequence of events ) , the brain is unparalleled ... in its speed and to a varying extent ... "vividness". My earliest memories of the "big bang "( my birth) ... are probably not retrievable bacause the mechanism for storing data which I understand now , would not have been enabled/powerful enough then. As I try harder , I can only come up with glimpses of the time in early school . Incident where I was very happy , very sad , the rawest emotions/thoughts that can come to a being without being influenced by an external agency/force or rather in the stage of being modified by an external agency. In school my instincts told me to be "selfish" , which means I wanted to preserve myself and not my neighbour , even if she happened to be a cute helpless girl . But in events that occured , I was shown that people can't stand "self " motivated entities . A girl called "roopa" used to sit next to me ( not by choice ! ) when I was in the 1st /2nd standard (5/ 6 years old). Her later memories have somewhat altered her earlier childhood image in my brain , but it should suffice to say she was , by some strange convention , less "harmful" looking than I was at that time . You see , in the adult brain , there is malicious code somewhere which makes them react to appearances consciously and subconsciously . So when roopa complained to "maam"(i never understood the concept of the apostophe at that time ), that "karthik is not giving his sharpener! ", maam came down with the plastic ruler and whacked my tender hands . I cried , not with remorse , but sheer anger which I realise was /is righteous now . The pseudo - altruistic teacher and the erring complainer had no business forcing me to part with something which I valued at that time as much as I value my bike now . But the words and the conviction to express my indignation were learnt at a much later time . That was an early lesson on "pride and prejudice" , though I never read that book , it seems apt to that occasion .

I 've come across many pieces of writing /movies where people say what they went through in simple words , but create such a deep impact because of the nature of the event . Cases of people being killed/dying horribly in front of ones eyes , seeing near ones who are your moral pillars at times break down and cry like babies , horrible accidents ..and many such things reveal so much , by showing things as they are , and not as they are made out/supposed to be .
I've had many experiences where my appearance and size and such things were the main criteria for "judging " me . These , though extremely painful at that time ...( something akin to
confused hatred of everyone/self and a lack of identity and understanding ) have become great lessons to remember for me . Because of these incidents I know how to identify similar situations and fight against them . Standing for one's own ideas and beliefs is the greatest thing one can do (the usage of the word "one" maybe incorrect , but it seems right .... reminds me of "the bicentennial man " ). This is one kind of learning where emotional , social , egoistic factors are involved to a large extent . I am sure everyone has gone through some learning process similar to this , if not in the negative sense , maybe positive .

I am really starting to lose track because of loss in concentration . I started out to say something about learning and how its affecting me now , but ended up in my childhood !
Anyway, I ll get back to this some other time , but will complete it for sure , for writing is another thing I enjoy :)

SBC ....MAS....Adyar

I was coming back from Bangalore to Chennai on the "Weekend Express" . Both words deserve to be in quotes because the train spills over its journey into the next week by a few hours and also its not an express ... there are stops at unknown places for unknown reasons for long intervals .

For this journey , I was suprisingly well prepared ... the to and return tickets were with me ; I had packed in a couple of extra undies , and hankies ; I even remembered to take all the stuff dad asked to get ! Considering my earlier misadventures with tickets ( tore both to and return tickets thinking they were used once ! ) and losing things like umbrellas ,credit cards and mobiles ... this was far better .

That was a fair introduction to fickle me ... a part of me , mind you ! Anyway , I was at the station on time and in my compartment . The lights were off and someone was in my "bed" (second sleeper) , I presumed . Then I resisted shaking the man / woman .... no it was a man , awake .An old voice came out of nowhere , asking me "yendhe seat number , sir? " . I looked around in the dark and saw the old man lying down on the middle berth on the left hand side of the compartment and wondered why he should bother . Anyway, he made me think out aloud , and I figured out that the upper berth above the RAC seats was mine and got on unceremoniously .


Wearing a pair of leather shoes of an unacknowledged brand "Lycostyle" worth 2k (bought at Spencer's), a Levi's worth 1.4 k at B'lore and a shawl to keep warm , I tried stretching out . But to my dismay , found the berth short even for a 5 '8 me ! Hmm , must have been a cost - cutting measure , the software engineer inside me said . That made me smile and triggered memories of office . It kept me occupied for sometime as "multiple threads of executions " were spawned ( many thought processes were running in my brain at that time ) and as if many "goto" statements were coded , I switched context rapidly between events , ideas and people . As this was going on , my body was still uncomfortable with the cramped space and the already switched on fan , enhancing the chill in the air . My shawl was like a thin wrapper around a bulky "Active X " struggling in its container executible . And if this is a bad comparison , you won't believe the stuff people dole out at work ( s/w ) as if its a piece of art ! Anyway , coming back to the chill , it was especially annoying because my throat was itchy and the bag (which doubled up as my pillow on travels ) bumpy . I thought , this was going to be another one of many sleepless nights I 've spent in trains and buses and a sleepy one at work / college the next day . The simplest solution I thought would be to turn off the fan and sleep peacefully . I just bent over like a mountaineer and reached out to try the switches under my berth . Then made use of the "Diet " mineral water bottle and managed to turn on a light , luckily nobody was awake at that time ... found the right switch and gradually the high pitched sound of rotating fan blades stopped . All the fans in my compartment went off ! There were 3X2 + 1 passengers other than me in that compartment . Obviously , there was a bug in the switching system or the design and anyway I didn't think anyone would mind the lack of chilling cold ! So , I settled down to a better rest .
After an hour or so , my half sleep was interrupted by one of the old ladies who was in a lot of clothing meant for the cold (sari + sweater + bedsheet etc) . "Who turned off the fans ? " she asked in a accusatory tone directed to all there . All responded negatively , I guess they were in varying stages of sleep . And I lay there still , wondering if they would find out . I guess one of them found out , but I didn't move , I just lay there ... in self righteous comfort . One of them got up and flicked on one of the switches near to their end ... and again a surprise , only their fans came on and mine remained unaffected ! So , "All's well that ends well " I said and drifted back to half sleep .

At 8 am the train reached Chennai Central . The latest I ve reached in an overnight journey by this train . " Not my lucky day " I thought as my eyes scanned the crowd for some sign of a pretty girl . I walked the long walk from S8 to the entrance/exit of "Central" dodging the coolies and a maruadi kid and his mother who were approaching me like a WWF tag team ... holding hands and moving in for a "clothesline ". They split and rejoined behind me . Carrying on beyond the auto guys (who don't bug me nowadays surprisingly) and into the subway , I noticed a wave of people . This wave was like a "compression - rarefaction" kind of wave , the way sound travels . People were moving up two alternate stairs to exits from the subway . One was closer to the bus stand maybe by 15-20 m . Most went this way , at half the speed the other group was going , but with double the number of people . I took the lighter path and avoided touching anyone or breathing into anyone's face for obvious reasons .


I expected the bus stand to be crowded and spashy like the last time ... but it was dry and buses were moving around easily unhindered . Thanks to the traffic cops who are functional at all times and at all places I go to . Sometimes I resent their presence but without them , it would be chaos . A college guy , from Kerala I guessed asked me the bus no. to Anna University . I told him the bus numbers . They carried on , with some other plan, probably an auto I thought . Anyway they were out of sight and a somewhat "empty " bus swerved in and stopped with the characteristic Chennai bus sound . Getting in , I found the all seats save the last filled . There were two columns of seats . The left side is meant for women , the front is meant for women and so I assumed that the back must be for men , or at least free for all . I sat down leaving one place empty , which a lady in her late thirties came to occupy . She looked at me with a vertical scan and said "Idhu ladies seatu "(this is a ladies seat ) . But I was wary of being taken for a ride , and replied " Yengiyo elidhilla , apdinu " (Its not written so anywhere ) . I don't know to read tamil , but clearly there was nothing written in that area , so it was a safe argument I thought . With some scorn , she asked "Madrasikku pudhusa ? " (new to Madras?) . I replied honestly "Oru varsham aachi , aanal idhu ladies seatinu yenakka yarume sollile"(Its been a year ,and nobody ever told me this was a ladie's seat ) .


She settled down next to me while her companion remained standing . Settling down , I thought "Abbada , thats enough friction for a day " . But no , someone must have heard me . A skinny girl entered the scene at the next stop with a brown stripes on white uniform and dumped a huge bag of books on me . I was shocked out of my wits ... "What do you want me to do with this ?" I asked , though it was pretty obvious madam was not in the habit of lugging her luggage like the way I used to in school . She said "Please hold my bag " , but to me it sounded wrong . She should have ideally said , "Can you please hold on to my bag " , or at least a gentle request instead. Anyway , it was in English I thought ... I could n't get the english speaking with school kids and college kids out of my system . She turned around and told her friend "Tamil therla polarku " (this guy doesn't know tamil I think ) laughing at my predicament . That made me a mixture of pissed off and embarassed . The conductor came in at that time and I asked him "Sir , Idhu ladies' seat aa?" (Sir ,is this a ladies' seat ?) . "Aaama"(Yes) he replied and I dumped the big back pack on my neighbour unintentionally ... I was so averse towards holding someone else's burden . Then saying the final "sorry" of the day (I decided) , I got up and stood the rest of the way until we reached Alwarpet ... somewhere near "Ramada Raj park " ,the only 4 star hotel I've stayed in . Sitting down , I reflected on the events and what I should have done . Alternate summaries and climaxes struck me , but that didn't happen and I was not going to make it happen on that day ! Let a different "me" in a parallel universe try it out , if he/she was led through the same series of events by chance /probability .

And that was the beginning of my day back in Chennai !

remo ...

psychedelic ramblings ...

What is it within me ? That keeps me from being free, A restraining hand on my shoulder Leaving me by the day , colder . What is it within me that makes me desire , For a thrill so momentary and consequences so dire . For a love so great just now And makes me stone hearted as soon as we make a vow . What is it that makes me act so tall ? When in fact all I am is another brick in the wall . Like a true friend ,When all I do is pretend . What is the reason I exist ? I really don't know , but how can I resist Ignorant bliss and a life of sin Pleasure without pain , when I always win Every moment lived for its sake Worry and tension I do not take . A good laugh is all I seek Never mind if I am the bum so meek . Attention I really do crave Even if it makes me an unprivileged slave . Knowledge ? I do not need But by its feigned possession , My vanity I love to feed . For little pleasures grows my greed Guiding my thoughts and shaping my deeds. Sole purpose in life ? Spread my seed Make it grow - an unstoppable creed . ============================================================= I like this one , kind of reminds me of the "who cares " attitude I had sometimes in college . But it also reminds me that what a person is thinking at some time , or may of have said at some time may very well not be what he thinks now ... or in the future

at the cafeteria..

I walked into the room ,
People were taking a break
Work's tires most , invigorates some
Got to where the coffee's made

At the counter I glanced around
A girl stood in my line of sight
"Pretty cute ",I almost said aloud
And in her eyes something came alight

For a second I drew back ,
She said, "care for a bite?
"Smiling back , I started to reply
From behind,a voice said "will give it a try"

Words receded and was ready for a laugh wry
Instead, a smile came on, and our glances broke .
And we had spoken without words ,
With the certainty no talk could ever brew

A smile it brought to me ,
And funny it sure was
My friends laughed without a pause
...And to work we returned , to please the boss

====================================== MSK

A look inside

This is something I wrote in college . It was in response to a note plagiarised by one of my classmates (didn't know it that point though) . Today I happened to find some of my college stuff , and thought it would be fun to share it ...and so I posted the missing Vitruvian entry which I didnt write at that time (regrettably.. becoz of quake) , I 'll post the remaining in a couple of days . Well, its all in railmani's point of view , and thats as straight forward as it gets ... so be warned !


A look inside

Underneath a rough exterior often lies
An understanding soul , who always tries
Not to hurt anyone and also cries
When he is hurt , maybe not tears but is hurt within .
Often , he wonders why all are cynical ,
With such brutal will power and so clinical .
The war turned cold long ago ,
But how it began , nobody knows .
We do realise that we aren't in Utopia ,
All women can't be Aishwarya .
Ergo , all men can't be TDH and still love ya,
When you treat them like bacteria .
As for the lack of melanin ,
And amplified curves ( using silicon?)
A perceived attraction for it , by those lacking
Can't be blamed on the innocent good looking .
If we go by one opinion , we are led to beleive
"Whims" and "fancy" are the pillars of womanhood,
Well , men too have pillars , much stronger and with solid foundation .
Reason guides actions and seasons change moods .
Some men are led through life's dark lanes ,
By a will to rise through hard work ,
Cause someday he might have to support ,
A woman who can't stand alone.
There are some who fall in love with a person ,
And others with her form (read figure),
The former are inspired to reproduce ,
The likeness of the beauty , and the latter just abuse
An undeserved opportunity .
A dictator's world , if you seek to create ,
(like neena gupta?) And yet say you would give a second chance .
We are afraid of what we are dealing with...a woman?
Sorry ... A contradiction in itself .
A passing thought ... in a liberated world
Of equal opportunity , seeking an advantage
Of being "weaker" genderally , has been untold as yet,
But chivalry it ain't and refusing to fall for it,
Is not unchauvenistic ,but coming of age .
Behind the scenes , a lot of work gets done ,
Men do it , but seek not recognition ,
Cause it gives them pleasure .
Though only few are spectacled (or spectacles maybe! ),
Myopia is a common ailment among women for sure.
An image is worth a thousand words , right ?
An illustrator ... you can't imagine such numbers , forget it
A cheap editor is not worth much , is he?
Often the greatest men , come in the simplest garb .
Often have we heard (from iisc profs. that too), an OS is not just the GUI,
The work is done by a Linux (non D) and the credit goes to the winDows !
Well , thats the way the world works ,
And those who understand ( learn Linux?) don't bother (read maal),
And those that don't ... why bother !
Lets pray together for a better tomorrow ,
For u and for me and the entire frustu public ,
That we come out of the trance and give a second glance ( and maybe chances? ),
At rough exteriors ,not for a prince but a person ,
And judge not by whats outside but whats within .

- Railmani

ECE 2004, The Vitruvian entry which was missing ...

1st and 2nd year

Electronica 2004
Now that the deadline is well due .... Abhiram probably won't or rather can't add this to the branch diaries of our beloved "vitruvian " . But what the hell , it feels empty without a tronix entry ... so here goes nothing
First year : As an intro , you could say that the tronix batch was a heady mix of brains , brawn , beauty ( naah not much ), talent and a lot more . NObody could have ever predicted how all these individuals would behave and interact when put together .We don't need to bother about that cause its all over now .
second year :
The classes kicked off almost immediately with PSB starting off with some advice in the typical PSB style . Most people were listening to him , except a few in the last bench (one of them was MSK ) . Mom welcomed us to the branch with a .... "Welcome to the branch" (accompanied by a smile ) and started off ... I dread the name "Signals and systems " !! Other staff we had were that chotu Rajashekhar for "Electromagnetic waves " another deappetizer . Giving him support was the transient Punekar ( whatever happened to him ! ) .
The classes went on in full flow , and everybody was tuned to score the maximum, there were a lot of close scores expected . PSB , with his refined ways taught us the fundas and tested us on them . MOM taught us in her own way and most of us didn't learn well ( who knows why !!?) and eventually received the shock of their lives .... just imagine Kudva got a 7/25 in a sessional !!! This also happened to be one of Saand's (panty) high point in college cause he got 8/25 !?! EMW classes used to go on , and most people used to go on too ... to krishna's and library etc. at the same time .
There was a bunch of people who were newly recruited into clubs and were in the thick of all the action almost immediately . With the highly intellectual lectures of PSB (and to be honest , if u aren't upto date with his classes ... sleeepy) , OHT (over head u know what ) classes of MOM and other subjects to add , it took a toll on this bunch ( there were exceptions though - Viegas the one ) .
With exams done , the fundoos had done extremely well ... Kudva the one had smashed all papers inside out , close behind was ullu and subhash and malavika ...........

is work for money alone worth it ?

To this question , a year ago I would have answered , "what work ? its all the same ... its the pay alone that matters .." quite confidently . But now I am seriously beginning to question this notion .

Sometime during the first couple of months of my work , I heard from a more experienced guy , that technology can be very good to you and it can also ruin you . If you can adapt to new technology and keep pace with the others , fine , you ll always be useful to your or some other company , but if you stick to one technology and refuse to learn ... then when the change comes , you are obselete !

I always regarded any advice about my career with a lot of skepticism ... at the bottom of my heart , I always knew that I ll never enjoy any work as much as I enjoy playing quake or sketching or reading . But to actually come to the point where its evident , its like a rocket about to blow up at myfeet and throw me up a metre high ... making me an easy target for any snipers around (11 , all quake jargon , 11 = l.o.l) . At times like this when there is no such thing called "satisfaction" after a job well done , it boils down to how , much you can keep any emotion out of it and get it done as quickly as possible . Something like when I used to hold my nose pinched tight while gobbling down milk .

Recently I had an interesting conversation with one of my friends . He is one of those guys who is asked to work weekends , whole nights and any other inhuman combination of work hours possible . He was using some choice words against this act when I asked him why bother with this work if its so irritating .... to which he said , nobody is going to pay as much money as he was getting in a software job ! Coming to think of it , it is true ... a very competent English teacher I met in CAT coaching classes said she got only about 10k per month and a Call Center employee earns more than that . Then think about the complaining software engineers ... who earn 15 to 25 k .. maybe more so easily comparatively . Coming back to my friend , he earns a lot alright , but at the end of the week and many a time , at the end of many weeks ... all he does is go back to work ... and come back home and sleep like a log. The lifestyle is absolutely pathetic . He gets up at 2 or 3 in the afternoon and eventually has "brunch" at 4 or 5 , which is a combo meal (breakfast + lunch + snacks) . And then his day at work begins , with endless phone calls and other such inane activities for which , hiring an engineer is criminal .

A few words from one of my really amazing lecturers in college (Mr.I R Rao .... actually he was the most Roarkian guy I ve ever seen in my life ) come to my mind whenever I think about work . He said , "... Placements ? Even if you have not managed to clear all your subjects , you have the stamp of your college on your forehead and you ' ll get a job " . The reason you get that job so easily is because any idiot can do the same thing , but you have the advantage of the conventional qualifications ( actually over qualificiation is a term which does exist practically ! ), ie being an engineer from a reputed institution."The job , will be like giving you a golden broom and asking you to sweep the floor ... " That statement has come true to such an extent to so many people around me and myself , its something which every aspiring software engineer should know, and every student who goes blindly to the CET cell to choose Computer Science and ECE because thats how the mainstream is flowing . I am not saying that software is not a good industry , in fact for the software engineer who is genuinely interested in this work , it provides an immense oppourtunity , everything can be learnt with just an internet connection you can even get at home . Some of the best technical guys I 've met in the last one year are not engineers ! They are BSc graduates (chemistry ...mechanical) , NIITians ... and other different educational qualifications . We , the engineers entered proudly , because some of us were chosen with so much confidence in our abilities that it was insulting to think that these guys could be better than us ... but the truth is far from that . With a lot of hard work and a genuine interest , those guys are excellent and much more focussed on work than a typical engineer who is looking to go the management way .

Suddenly I am so spent that I feel like concluding this exhausting post ( for me ) because I ve been playing quake with matter over the net and that is an experience which leaves me drained and satisfied ... something like an orgasm . So goodnight folks , I hope I struck a chord somewhere and looking forward to any comments ...

thoughts of a smitten being ...

I saw her one day , in a place of study
She walked with a spring in her step ,
And a twinkle in her eye .
Something stirred within me , a feeling which knotted in my throat.
No words would come and all I could do was watch .

She was a beauty , my entire being said.
My neighbours said no , but their greedy eyes I espied.
Flitting like a butterfly she flew from flower to flower .
I watched her brush me , as she flited by .
For no words would come and all I could do was watch.

Never had I known a feeling called "love",
What it meant and how it felt .
I thought this must be it , for it lead me like an obedient cow.
With love came suffering and a confused mind ,
How can it hurt me so to be in love , could I tell her what I did not know?
But no words would come and all I could do was watch.

My days of being near were numbered,
Our separate ways we went and the same way I felt.
Thoughts and memories I oft remembered ,
The proud walk , and the soft talk and all the tiny things .
A spectator I remained in the sands of time ,
For no words would come and all I could do was watch ...and write .

Me

sleepless in bangalore....

Its been more than 3 weeks at home now ... by far the longest stretch of time I 've ever spent at home ...properly . At times , the boredom gets to me and makes me do crazy things . I remember in college , everyday was a day of "manmaani" ,towards the end at aleast . After beginning work , this continued for some time but you know what happens once you start working , routine becomes a way of life or at least unavoidable . And so it happened to me as well in Chennai. But suddenly one day I had a bittersweet surprise ... I had jaundice ! This forced me to bunk office and stay at home like a caged tiger who had been suddenly put on a vegetarian diet (hehe) .

Coming to the point , yesterday night(or is it yesternight? ) , I was lying in bed ... it was around 12 am . I just couldn't sleep , and thats when it happened . I had a flashback of many major things which happened in my life . Right from the time I had some of my most difficult confrontations ... which were mostly in school to the time I had in college . School brought back some bitter sweet memories . I had very few friends in school ... and only one was close ...and in my mind everything we did and all the stories he told me came as a flood . Delving deeper into each incident and conversation we had had , I remembered how much I had admired him at one point of time , and how much things had changed over ... 10 years ! Coming to think of it , he has hardly changed , he still looks the same , talks the same ... but yeah once out of school , we shot out in totally different directions . The four years I spent in college , I totally forgot about him and when I did remember it made me feel guilty for not keeping in touch for such a long time . Somehow through very rare phone calls I had a vague idea what he was upto . College finished , we met a couple of times , I started working in Chennai and after a year's time I got in touch and the response was as cordial as ever . We planned to meet up and that is an event in the future .

Memories of one friend brought back memories of other friends . One of them I can never forget , he was my classmate in P U college and I still remember some where at the end of first PU , he had a realisation ... that life is serious and only hard work will pay. His self esteem was hurt when we used to call him a particularly annoying name . And for sometime he took it and then one fine day he stopped responding ... he stopped hanging out with us . I was a bit closer to him than the rest and on approaching him I found out what the meaning of an "ego " was . I had it myself , but seeing it so strong in another person was a revealing experience . True to his word , he never joined us again and surprised everyone by doing very well in the exams and the CET !
He did better than me , but when he realised that I had something called reservation , he spurned me and my friendship ... and went his own way . Thats something I doubt I 'll see again in my life ... a valuable lesson on perception .

Many more memories ran through my mind that night , but I ll save them for another day ... there is something more interesting I want to say . Somewhere in the middle of this memory bank flood I decided to read something . Getting up , I went to the book shelf and found among the many books my bro had bought and never read (!) a book called "The Betrayal and other short stories" by Sivasankari . The first story was kind of big , so I read some of the smaller ones .And to my pleasant surprise I found them really fun ! The stories were actually written in Tamil and then "transcreated"(the word on the book) to English by a couple of ladies . Most of them dealt with middle class families ... and the point of view was usually that of a house wife ... if you ever wondered what could possibly go on in the mind of a housewife , this you got to read . From just what goes on in the mind of a lady bored at staying at home the whole day to what happens to one who suffers a loveless marriage and how she deals with a "unfaithful" husband (this one is brilliant ... "The betrayal") . Each story other than the first one is quite small , but the number of issues it raises about the life of a woman , whether a child , or an old lady and the insights it provides at family life and its delicate intricacies are mind blowing ... believe me ... there are not too many books which impress me so much . I was so engrossed , I stayed up the whole night and finished it off ! At the end of it all , I saw the cost of the book . It cost a mere 90 bucks ... now thats something which we spend so easily on a meal every day which more often than not we forget in a day . But this book I ll never forget ...

I went to sleep at 6 am and got up only at 11 am much to the chagrin of my dad ... but sleeplessness put to good use can bring a smile to your face many years later ...