! Sixth sense

You might be wondering what the title "! Sixth Sense" means . If you 've watched the movie , you 'd probably relate this to the boy's ability to see "dead people" . For me , the "! " implies the negation operator and the "sixth sense " means a quality which humans are said to possess , called "intuition" . So the expression evaluates to "lack of sixth sense" . If you want to find out why i came to this apparently ridiculous conclusion , read on ....


This is a series of events which actually occured to me , you are free to draw your conclusions from them :

A couple of my colleagues got their long awaited (not by them) turn to treat the other 6 of a group of 8 . Somehow I ended up volunteering to take one of them "doubles " on my (legendary) Yamaha to Satyam , so that we could book tickets for the next day's show . And so we set off after a detailed set of instructions from two other guys , who incidentally give the same directions to the same places , but with such contrast in styles of delivery and stresses on important landmarks , that at the end of it , I am back the starting point.
Anyway that didn't matter too much, because I had a navigator behind me and another lady who we followed to the destination . Being my first time out into the "heavy" traffic of Chennai , and that too with a passenger , I was riding very carefully . So carefully that I could n't be drawn into an accident even if I wanted to . We continued guided until the guide "horse" left us with directions and we went through unhindered . Finally at one point of time , we were very close to Satyam multplex , and I was headed into a road which had no vehicles going along with me . This struck me odd and I almost followd my "intuition" when I decided to trust my passenger's common sense and went along the same road . At the corner of the road stood a guy in uniform .... he could have been anything , a conductor , a school boy , a soldier ....anything like , I would n't have cared , but he was a traffic cop! By the time we realised , we were so close to him , he turned around and immediately grabbed my handles and took the key . He was maybe in his fifties , with a white mush and the traffic cop uniform . I was so stunned by this turn of events , I was thinking how I would get my bike out of the police station once it was taken ! My friend though was quicker thinking and was already citing reasons and trying to convince him to let us go. I was dumbstruck .During the course of the conversation that followed , he quoted the original "price " of "escape" as Rs.1500 /= and the "subsidised " amount he was offering as Rs.200 .
We ended up paying 50 each and the old guy must have gone home happy that day. Not to mention I was relieved that I got off easily , and pissed off because I had displayed lack of trust in myself by not listening to the "sixth sense" . After this incident , I came to find out many unwritten rules of the game ." Never give more than 50 bucks to a single cop "; "Never look into the eyes of a cop on the road when you are in a traffic signal in "red" state " .... and other such rational and straight forward stuff .


You would think I learnt my lesson , and lived happily ever after riding unitl my bike rusted to destruction or until I got a new car or another multitude of possibilities . Here's what actually happened .

After a couple of months of the first incident , I was returning home to Adyar from office and was forced to stop at a signal on the Sardar Patel road . This was at around 10 pm at night , yeah its true I had no business going home at that time , but I guess some things happen to warn you of greater dangers to come ! At the signal , a traffic cop was casually looking at the vehicles waiting . And suddenly he noticed something amiss or different in mine and asked me to pull over to the side . I was like "Oh man! ... not again". This time I was better prepared to handle this situation , with all the gyaan" of the earlier incident still fresh . After a lot of fundas and apologies from me , I ended up fifty bucks poorer . I was really .... happy to let go of that fifty because it was half of the hundred buck fine last time and I had handled it well. Even then , I made a show of it to my friends and life went on peacefully .

That was like the mediocre second part of a movie trilogy , but the final one takes the cake , I promise !

In this huge city called "Chennai " I was relocated to a new office building which is located on "North Usman Road " . This is one of the busiest areas in the peak hours and you could literally pull your hair with frustration if you didn't have to hold both the handles to thread through the gaps provided by the "> 4 " wheelers , cycle guys , pedestrians ! and all other two wheelers . You could argue that why not take it cool and follow them at a safe distance . I say that there is no safe distance ! If you are going to slow, there ll be overtakes from the left and right, sudden brakes from the front and possibly a nudge from behind .
And so , I follow the wave of traffic trying to steer clear from the crowd from the only way possible , the front . After a lot of detailed instructions from the afore mentioned illustrious colleagues , I managed to find the office on the first day with not even a hitch as far as direction was concerned . The same night I returned by another route which was suggested by third guy and put me in an venturesome mood . I always sucked as a navigator and I thought "ok, now is the time to learn", and I set out on the new route . It took me so long to reach home I thought 'll nver take that same route again ... although the route was pretty straight forward if you come back late at night when "no entries" are "enterable" . This registered somewhere in my brain as a brownie point for being adventurous and the next day at work , I was upbeat about charting new territory. After a tiring day at work , all my sensible senses told me to go by the main road (mount road ) and reach home safe and sound , but that little devil in me said " What the hell is the shortcut for then?".

I avoided the "GN Chetty road" , the road to GRT Grand and took the third road on the "circle" around "Panagal Park" and went past "Nandanam signal " on mount road , pretty confident of the route . Eventually I reached the "Satyam office" signal , (Maruthi India showroom also there ). At this place , it was so familiar I decided to have a closer look . So I stopped over and found that going right there would go to "Kotturpuram bridge " and then to Cancer Institute Adyar and then all the way home ! But again there was something which made me defy all logic and straight I went thinking "All roads lead to Adyar". The next right had a huge board which said "Adyar =>" showing the direction very clearly . I followed with a sense of relief . The next few turns I took were familiar from the previous night's escorted trip to Satyam and back . And then I came upon an active "no entry " . I reached a road called "Greenways" which incidentally has Mylapore railway station (if I am wrong , please correct me ) and this joined an extremely sorry excuse for a road . This felt like mountain biking through the city but it was a trodden path , so I ventured forth . Through a hazy sequence of roads and bylanes and avoiding one ways I came to mount road again ! and encountered another one way , the one after Teynampet signal when you take a left . Ominously I saw a couple of auto guys going forward and and turning around as if an invisible wall was stopping them . I didn't get the message , part of the stupor of "monitor" fatigue and stubborn recalcitrance made me go on further. Another auto guy turned around and on his way back was saying "go , go there's no problem , its night only , nobody will catch" . And I trusted him , for the only reason that I had got reliable information many times from the same kind of guys . Just a few metres ahead after the glare of the traffic became less, saw a traffic cop approaching me briskly . For a few seconds I was again numb , dumbstruck and he muttering , " even the auto guy is scared and you are coming happily ! " . "Not again :( I thought .. " . He took my keys and crossed the road where there was a more official looking bunch of traffic cops with bike,radio and all things which strike fear in the guy who gets caught . And then he saw my badge and seemed slightly mollified and started speaking with some respect and the tone of a teacher talking to an erring favourite student . I realised later that he knew he would definitely get some money out of me ! After the initial quote of 1500 bucks payable at the court , before which my bike would be siezed , he came down to "How much will you pay? ". I said "I ll pay fifty". But unfortunately ,being dressed in good clothes worked out against me . The smart thing to do , as my friend later told me is to immediately take all money out of ur wallet except 50 bucks and cite reasons like "I am in a big hurry to go home , an emergency
came up and ...." and some cock and bull story like that . If there is one thing I am worse at than navigation, its cooking up stories . And so I parted with 400 hard earned bucks to again roam free ....? on the streets of Chennai .

At the end of this trilogy , I hope this is not "The beginning " and is in fact "The end " !

Learning ....

When a human being is born , as in exitting the mother's womb and entering the outside world , the first thing he/she 's (sex does'nt matter at this point of time u say? oh it does ! the female already has eggs in her ovaries ! just a piece of trivia I remember from 11th) expected to do is confirm a pat on the backside by the doctor . It does n't matter that the confirmation is of the most negative connotation for adults most of the time . Who tells the baby that it should cry when it feels pain ? I think thats part of the basic set of defensive mechanisms built in /hard coded in the brain(wonder when we can start coding on that platform! ) . But from that point onwards , the baby is an amazing sponge ... not just for milk and other liquids , but also for "learning" . Its true that a new born kid can swim in water ! It has not yet learnt the meaning of fear . "Basic instinct " actually fits this kind of behaviour very well , don't you think ?

The brain is a very complex organ , compared to say a computer . Memory storage and retrieval is too good in the case of a computer ,as far as accuracy of information is concerned . But when it comes to locating the starting point of a "thread"(sequence of events ) , the brain is unparalleled ... in its speed and to a varying extent ... "vividness". My earliest memories of the "big bang "( my birth) ... are probably not retrievable bacause the mechanism for storing data which I understand now , would not have been enabled/powerful enough then. As I try harder , I can only come up with glimpses of the time in early school . Incident where I was very happy , very sad , the rawest emotions/thoughts that can come to a being without being influenced by an external agency/force or rather in the stage of being modified by an external agency. In school my instincts told me to be "selfish" , which means I wanted to preserve myself and not my neighbour , even if she happened to be a cute helpless girl . But in events that occured , I was shown that people can't stand "self " motivated entities . A girl called "roopa" used to sit next to me ( not by choice ! ) when I was in the 1st /2nd standard (5/ 6 years old). Her later memories have somewhat altered her earlier childhood image in my brain , but it should suffice to say she was , by some strange convention , less "harmful" looking than I was at that time . You see , in the adult brain , there is malicious code somewhere which makes them react to appearances consciously and subconsciously . So when roopa complained to "maam"(i never understood the concept of the apostophe at that time ), that "karthik is not giving his sharpener! ", maam came down with the plastic ruler and whacked my tender hands . I cried , not with remorse , but sheer anger which I realise was /is righteous now . The pseudo - altruistic teacher and the erring complainer had no business forcing me to part with something which I valued at that time as much as I value my bike now . But the words and the conviction to express my indignation were learnt at a much later time . That was an early lesson on "pride and prejudice" , though I never read that book , it seems apt to that occasion .

I 've come across many pieces of writing /movies where people say what they went through in simple words , but create such a deep impact because of the nature of the event . Cases of people being killed/dying horribly in front of ones eyes , seeing near ones who are your moral pillars at times break down and cry like babies , horrible accidents ..and many such things reveal so much , by showing things as they are , and not as they are made out/supposed to be .
I've had many experiences where my appearance and size and such things were the main criteria for "judging " me . These , though extremely painful at that time ...( something akin to
confused hatred of everyone/self and a lack of identity and understanding ) have become great lessons to remember for me . Because of these incidents I know how to identify similar situations and fight against them . Standing for one's own ideas and beliefs is the greatest thing one can do (the usage of the word "one" maybe incorrect , but it seems right .... reminds me of "the bicentennial man " ). This is one kind of learning where emotional , social , egoistic factors are involved to a large extent . I am sure everyone has gone through some learning process similar to this , if not in the negative sense , maybe positive .

I am really starting to lose track because of loss in concentration . I started out to say something about learning and how its affecting me now , but ended up in my childhood !
Anyway, I ll get back to this some other time , but will complete it for sure , for writing is another thing I enjoy :)

SBC ....MAS....Adyar

I was coming back from Bangalore to Chennai on the "Weekend Express" . Both words deserve to be in quotes because the train spills over its journey into the next week by a few hours and also its not an express ... there are stops at unknown places for unknown reasons for long intervals .

For this journey , I was suprisingly well prepared ... the to and return tickets were with me ; I had packed in a couple of extra undies , and hankies ; I even remembered to take all the stuff dad asked to get ! Considering my earlier misadventures with tickets ( tore both to and return tickets thinking they were used once ! ) and losing things like umbrellas ,credit cards and mobiles ... this was far better .

That was a fair introduction to fickle me ... a part of me , mind you ! Anyway , I was at the station on time and in my compartment . The lights were off and someone was in my "bed" (second sleeper) , I presumed . Then I resisted shaking the man / woman .... no it was a man , awake .An old voice came out of nowhere , asking me "yendhe seat number , sir? " . I looked around in the dark and saw the old man lying down on the middle berth on the left hand side of the compartment and wondered why he should bother . Anyway, he made me think out aloud , and I figured out that the upper berth above the RAC seats was mine and got on unceremoniously .


Wearing a pair of leather shoes of an unacknowledged brand "Lycostyle" worth 2k (bought at Spencer's), a Levi's worth 1.4 k at B'lore and a shawl to keep warm , I tried stretching out . But to my dismay , found the berth short even for a 5 '8 me ! Hmm , must have been a cost - cutting measure , the software engineer inside me said . That made me smile and triggered memories of office . It kept me occupied for sometime as "multiple threads of executions " were spawned ( many thought processes were running in my brain at that time ) and as if many "goto" statements were coded , I switched context rapidly between events , ideas and people . As this was going on , my body was still uncomfortable with the cramped space and the already switched on fan , enhancing the chill in the air . My shawl was like a thin wrapper around a bulky "Active X " struggling in its container executible . And if this is a bad comparison , you won't believe the stuff people dole out at work ( s/w ) as if its a piece of art ! Anyway , coming back to the chill , it was especially annoying because my throat was itchy and the bag (which doubled up as my pillow on travels ) bumpy . I thought , this was going to be another one of many sleepless nights I 've spent in trains and buses and a sleepy one at work / college the next day . The simplest solution I thought would be to turn off the fan and sleep peacefully . I just bent over like a mountaineer and reached out to try the switches under my berth . Then made use of the "Diet " mineral water bottle and managed to turn on a light , luckily nobody was awake at that time ... found the right switch and gradually the high pitched sound of rotating fan blades stopped . All the fans in my compartment went off ! There were 3X2 + 1 passengers other than me in that compartment . Obviously , there was a bug in the switching system or the design and anyway I didn't think anyone would mind the lack of chilling cold ! So , I settled down to a better rest .
After an hour or so , my half sleep was interrupted by one of the old ladies who was in a lot of clothing meant for the cold (sari + sweater + bedsheet etc) . "Who turned off the fans ? " she asked in a accusatory tone directed to all there . All responded negatively , I guess they were in varying stages of sleep . And I lay there still , wondering if they would find out . I guess one of them found out , but I didn't move , I just lay there ... in self righteous comfort . One of them got up and flicked on one of the switches near to their end ... and again a surprise , only their fans came on and mine remained unaffected ! So , "All's well that ends well " I said and drifted back to half sleep .

At 8 am the train reached Chennai Central . The latest I ve reached in an overnight journey by this train . " Not my lucky day " I thought as my eyes scanned the crowd for some sign of a pretty girl . I walked the long walk from S8 to the entrance/exit of "Central" dodging the coolies and a maruadi kid and his mother who were approaching me like a WWF tag team ... holding hands and moving in for a "clothesline ". They split and rejoined behind me . Carrying on beyond the auto guys (who don't bug me nowadays surprisingly) and into the subway , I noticed a wave of people . This wave was like a "compression - rarefaction" kind of wave , the way sound travels . People were moving up two alternate stairs to exits from the subway . One was closer to the bus stand maybe by 15-20 m . Most went this way , at half the speed the other group was going , but with double the number of people . I took the lighter path and avoided touching anyone or breathing into anyone's face for obvious reasons .


I expected the bus stand to be crowded and spashy like the last time ... but it was dry and buses were moving around easily unhindered . Thanks to the traffic cops who are functional at all times and at all places I go to . Sometimes I resent their presence but without them , it would be chaos . A college guy , from Kerala I guessed asked me the bus no. to Anna University . I told him the bus numbers . They carried on , with some other plan, probably an auto I thought . Anyway they were out of sight and a somewhat "empty " bus swerved in and stopped with the characteristic Chennai bus sound . Getting in , I found the all seats save the last filled . There were two columns of seats . The left side is meant for women , the front is meant for women and so I assumed that the back must be for men , or at least free for all . I sat down leaving one place empty , which a lady in her late thirties came to occupy . She looked at me with a vertical scan and said "Idhu ladies seatu "(this is a ladies seat ) . But I was wary of being taken for a ride , and replied " Yengiyo elidhilla , apdinu " (Its not written so anywhere ) . I don't know to read tamil , but clearly there was nothing written in that area , so it was a safe argument I thought . With some scorn , she asked "Madrasikku pudhusa ? " (new to Madras?) . I replied honestly "Oru varsham aachi , aanal idhu ladies seatinu yenakka yarume sollile"(Its been a year ,and nobody ever told me this was a ladie's seat ) .


She settled down next to me while her companion remained standing . Settling down , I thought "Abbada , thats enough friction for a day " . But no , someone must have heard me . A skinny girl entered the scene at the next stop with a brown stripes on white uniform and dumped a huge bag of books on me . I was shocked out of my wits ... "What do you want me to do with this ?" I asked , though it was pretty obvious madam was not in the habit of lugging her luggage like the way I used to in school . She said "Please hold my bag " , but to me it sounded wrong . She should have ideally said , "Can you please hold on to my bag " , or at least a gentle request instead. Anyway , it was in English I thought ... I could n't get the english speaking with school kids and college kids out of my system . She turned around and told her friend "Tamil therla polarku " (this guy doesn't know tamil I think ) laughing at my predicament . That made me a mixture of pissed off and embarassed . The conductor came in at that time and I asked him "Sir , Idhu ladies' seat aa?" (Sir ,is this a ladies' seat ?) . "Aaama"(Yes) he replied and I dumped the big back pack on my neighbour unintentionally ... I was so averse towards holding someone else's burden . Then saying the final "sorry" of the day (I decided) , I got up and stood the rest of the way until we reached Alwarpet ... somewhere near "Ramada Raj park " ,the only 4 star hotel I've stayed in . Sitting down , I reflected on the events and what I should have done . Alternate summaries and climaxes struck me , but that didn't happen and I was not going to make it happen on that day ! Let a different "me" in a parallel universe try it out , if he/she was led through the same series of events by chance /probability .

And that was the beginning of my day back in Chennai !

remo ...

psychedelic ramblings ...

What is it within me ? That keeps me from being free, A restraining hand on my shoulder Leaving me by the day , colder . What is it within me that makes me desire , For a thrill so momentary and consequences so dire . For a love so great just now And makes me stone hearted as soon as we make a vow . What is it that makes me act so tall ? When in fact all I am is another brick in the wall . Like a true friend ,When all I do is pretend . What is the reason I exist ? I really don't know , but how can I resist Ignorant bliss and a life of sin Pleasure without pain , when I always win Every moment lived for its sake Worry and tension I do not take . A good laugh is all I seek Never mind if I am the bum so meek . Attention I really do crave Even if it makes me an unprivileged slave . Knowledge ? I do not need But by its feigned possession , My vanity I love to feed . For little pleasures grows my greed Guiding my thoughts and shaping my deeds. Sole purpose in life ? Spread my seed Make it grow - an unstoppable creed . ============================================================= I like this one , kind of reminds me of the "who cares " attitude I had sometimes in college . But it also reminds me that what a person is thinking at some time , or may of have said at some time may very well not be what he thinks now ... or in the future

at the cafeteria..

I walked into the room ,
People were taking a break
Work's tires most , invigorates some
Got to where the coffee's made

At the counter I glanced around
A girl stood in my line of sight
"Pretty cute ",I almost said aloud
And in her eyes something came alight

For a second I drew back ,
She said, "care for a bite?
"Smiling back , I started to reply
From behind,a voice said "will give it a try"

Words receded and was ready for a laugh wry
Instead, a smile came on, and our glances broke .
And we had spoken without words ,
With the certainty no talk could ever brew

A smile it brought to me ,
And funny it sure was
My friends laughed without a pause
...And to work we returned , to please the boss

====================================== MSK

A look inside

This is something I wrote in college . It was in response to a note plagiarised by one of my classmates (didn't know it that point though) . Today I happened to find some of my college stuff , and thought it would be fun to share it ...and so I posted the missing Vitruvian entry which I didnt write at that time (regrettably.. becoz of quake) , I 'll post the remaining in a couple of days . Well, its all in railmani's point of view , and thats as straight forward as it gets ... so be warned !


A look inside

Underneath a rough exterior often lies
An understanding soul , who always tries
Not to hurt anyone and also cries
When he is hurt , maybe not tears but is hurt within .
Often , he wonders why all are cynical ,
With such brutal will power and so clinical .
The war turned cold long ago ,
But how it began , nobody knows .
We do realise that we aren't in Utopia ,
All women can't be Aishwarya .
Ergo , all men can't be TDH and still love ya,
When you treat them like bacteria .
As for the lack of melanin ,
And amplified curves ( using silicon?)
A perceived attraction for it , by those lacking
Can't be blamed on the innocent good looking .
If we go by one opinion , we are led to beleive
"Whims" and "fancy" are the pillars of womanhood,
Well , men too have pillars , much stronger and with solid foundation .
Reason guides actions and seasons change moods .
Some men are led through life's dark lanes ,
By a will to rise through hard work ,
Cause someday he might have to support ,
A woman who can't stand alone.
There are some who fall in love with a person ,
And others with her form (read figure),
The former are inspired to reproduce ,
The likeness of the beauty , and the latter just abuse
An undeserved opportunity .
A dictator's world , if you seek to create ,
(like neena gupta?) And yet say you would give a second chance .
We are afraid of what we are dealing with...a woman?
Sorry ... A contradiction in itself .
A passing thought ... in a liberated world
Of equal opportunity , seeking an advantage
Of being "weaker" genderally , has been untold as yet,
But chivalry it ain't and refusing to fall for it,
Is not unchauvenistic ,but coming of age .
Behind the scenes , a lot of work gets done ,
Men do it , but seek not recognition ,
Cause it gives them pleasure .
Though only few are spectacled (or spectacles maybe! ),
Myopia is a common ailment among women for sure.
An image is worth a thousand words , right ?
An illustrator ... you can't imagine such numbers , forget it
A cheap editor is not worth much , is he?
Often the greatest men , come in the simplest garb .
Often have we heard (from iisc profs. that too), an OS is not just the GUI,
The work is done by a Linux (non D) and the credit goes to the winDows !
Well , thats the way the world works ,
And those who understand ( learn Linux?) don't bother (read maal),
And those that don't ... why bother !
Lets pray together for a better tomorrow ,
For u and for me and the entire frustu public ,
That we come out of the trance and give a second glance ( and maybe chances? ),
At rough exteriors ,not for a prince but a person ,
And judge not by whats outside but whats within .

- Railmani

ECE 2004, The Vitruvian entry which was missing ...

1st and 2nd year

Electronica 2004
Now that the deadline is well due .... Abhiram probably won't or rather can't add this to the branch diaries of our beloved "vitruvian " . But what the hell , it feels empty without a tronix entry ... so here goes nothing
First year : As an intro , you could say that the tronix batch was a heady mix of brains , brawn , beauty ( naah not much ), talent and a lot more . NObody could have ever predicted how all these individuals would behave and interact when put together .We don't need to bother about that cause its all over now .
second year :
The classes kicked off almost immediately with PSB starting off with some advice in the typical PSB style . Most people were listening to him , except a few in the last bench (one of them was MSK ) . Mom welcomed us to the branch with a .... "Welcome to the branch" (accompanied by a smile ) and started off ... I dread the name "Signals and systems " !! Other staff we had were that chotu Rajashekhar for "Electromagnetic waves " another deappetizer . Giving him support was the transient Punekar ( whatever happened to him ! ) .
The classes went on in full flow , and everybody was tuned to score the maximum, there were a lot of close scores expected . PSB , with his refined ways taught us the fundas and tested us on them . MOM taught us in her own way and most of us didn't learn well ( who knows why !!?) and eventually received the shock of their lives .... just imagine Kudva got a 7/25 in a sessional !!! This also happened to be one of Saand's (panty) high point in college cause he got 8/25 !?! EMW classes used to go on , and most people used to go on too ... to krishna's and library etc. at the same time .
There was a bunch of people who were newly recruited into clubs and were in the thick of all the action almost immediately . With the highly intellectual lectures of PSB (and to be honest , if u aren't upto date with his classes ... sleeepy) , OHT (over head u know what ) classes of MOM and other subjects to add , it took a toll on this bunch ( there were exceptions though - Viegas the one ) .
With exams done , the fundoos had done extremely well ... Kudva the one had smashed all papers inside out , close behind was ullu and subhash and malavika ...........

is work for money alone worth it ?

To this question , a year ago I would have answered , "what work ? its all the same ... its the pay alone that matters .." quite confidently . But now I am seriously beginning to question this notion .

Sometime during the first couple of months of my work , I heard from a more experienced guy , that technology can be very good to you and it can also ruin you . If you can adapt to new technology and keep pace with the others , fine , you ll always be useful to your or some other company , but if you stick to one technology and refuse to learn ... then when the change comes , you are obselete !

I always regarded any advice about my career with a lot of skepticism ... at the bottom of my heart , I always knew that I ll never enjoy any work as much as I enjoy playing quake or sketching or reading . But to actually come to the point where its evident , its like a rocket about to blow up at myfeet and throw me up a metre high ... making me an easy target for any snipers around (11 , all quake jargon , 11 = l.o.l) . At times like this when there is no such thing called "satisfaction" after a job well done , it boils down to how , much you can keep any emotion out of it and get it done as quickly as possible . Something like when I used to hold my nose pinched tight while gobbling down milk .

Recently I had an interesting conversation with one of my friends . He is one of those guys who is asked to work weekends , whole nights and any other inhuman combination of work hours possible . He was using some choice words against this act when I asked him why bother with this work if its so irritating .... to which he said , nobody is going to pay as much money as he was getting in a software job ! Coming to think of it , it is true ... a very competent English teacher I met in CAT coaching classes said she got only about 10k per month and a Call Center employee earns more than that . Then think about the complaining software engineers ... who earn 15 to 25 k .. maybe more so easily comparatively . Coming back to my friend , he earns a lot alright , but at the end of the week and many a time , at the end of many weeks ... all he does is go back to work ... and come back home and sleep like a log. The lifestyle is absolutely pathetic . He gets up at 2 or 3 in the afternoon and eventually has "brunch" at 4 or 5 , which is a combo meal (breakfast + lunch + snacks) . And then his day at work begins , with endless phone calls and other such inane activities for which , hiring an engineer is criminal .

A few words from one of my really amazing lecturers in college (Mr.I R Rao .... actually he was the most Roarkian guy I ve ever seen in my life ) come to my mind whenever I think about work . He said , "... Placements ? Even if you have not managed to clear all your subjects , you have the stamp of your college on your forehead and you ' ll get a job " . The reason you get that job so easily is because any idiot can do the same thing , but you have the advantage of the conventional qualifications ( actually over qualificiation is a term which does exist practically ! ), ie being an engineer from a reputed institution."The job , will be like giving you a golden broom and asking you to sweep the floor ... " That statement has come true to such an extent to so many people around me and myself , its something which every aspiring software engineer should know, and every student who goes blindly to the CET cell to choose Computer Science and ECE because thats how the mainstream is flowing . I am not saying that software is not a good industry , in fact for the software engineer who is genuinely interested in this work , it provides an immense oppourtunity , everything can be learnt with just an internet connection you can even get at home . Some of the best technical guys I 've met in the last one year are not engineers ! They are BSc graduates (chemistry ...mechanical) , NIITians ... and other different educational qualifications . We , the engineers entered proudly , because some of us were chosen with so much confidence in our abilities that it was insulting to think that these guys could be better than us ... but the truth is far from that . With a lot of hard work and a genuine interest , those guys are excellent and much more focussed on work than a typical engineer who is looking to go the management way .

Suddenly I am so spent that I feel like concluding this exhausting post ( for me ) because I ve been playing quake with matter over the net and that is an experience which leaves me drained and satisfied ... something like an orgasm . So goodnight folks , I hope I struck a chord somewhere and looking forward to any comments ...

thoughts of a smitten being ...

I saw her one day , in a place of study
She walked with a spring in her step ,
And a twinkle in her eye .
Something stirred within me , a feeling which knotted in my throat.
No words would come and all I could do was watch .

She was a beauty , my entire being said.
My neighbours said no , but their greedy eyes I espied.
Flitting like a butterfly she flew from flower to flower .
I watched her brush me , as she flited by .
For no words would come and all I could do was watch.

Never had I known a feeling called "love",
What it meant and how it felt .
I thought this must be it , for it lead me like an obedient cow.
With love came suffering and a confused mind ,
How can it hurt me so to be in love , could I tell her what I did not know?
But no words would come and all I could do was watch.

My days of being near were numbered,
Our separate ways we went and the same way I felt.
Thoughts and memories I oft remembered ,
The proud walk , and the soft talk and all the tiny things .
A spectator I remained in the sands of time ,
For no words would come and all I could do was watch ...and write .

Me

sleepless in bangalore....

Its been more than 3 weeks at home now ... by far the longest stretch of time I 've ever spent at home ...properly . At times , the boredom gets to me and makes me do crazy things . I remember in college , everyday was a day of "manmaani" ,towards the end at aleast . After beginning work , this continued for some time but you know what happens once you start working , routine becomes a way of life or at least unavoidable . And so it happened to me as well in Chennai. But suddenly one day I had a bittersweet surprise ... I had jaundice ! This forced me to bunk office and stay at home like a caged tiger who had been suddenly put on a vegetarian diet (hehe) .

Coming to the point , yesterday night(or is it yesternight? ) , I was lying in bed ... it was around 12 am . I just couldn't sleep , and thats when it happened . I had a flashback of many major things which happened in my life . Right from the time I had some of my most difficult confrontations ... which were mostly in school to the time I had in college . School brought back some bitter sweet memories . I had very few friends in school ... and only one was close ...and in my mind everything we did and all the stories he told me came as a flood . Delving deeper into each incident and conversation we had had , I remembered how much I had admired him at one point of time , and how much things had changed over ... 10 years ! Coming to think of it , he has hardly changed , he still looks the same , talks the same ... but yeah once out of school , we shot out in totally different directions . The four years I spent in college , I totally forgot about him and when I did remember it made me feel guilty for not keeping in touch for such a long time . Somehow through very rare phone calls I had a vague idea what he was upto . College finished , we met a couple of times , I started working in Chennai and after a year's time I got in touch and the response was as cordial as ever . We planned to meet up and that is an event in the future .

Memories of one friend brought back memories of other friends . One of them I can never forget , he was my classmate in P U college and I still remember some where at the end of first PU , he had a realisation ... that life is serious and only hard work will pay. His self esteem was hurt when we used to call him a particularly annoying name . And for sometime he took it and then one fine day he stopped responding ... he stopped hanging out with us . I was a bit closer to him than the rest and on approaching him I found out what the meaning of an "ego " was . I had it myself , but seeing it so strong in another person was a revealing experience . True to his word , he never joined us again and surprised everyone by doing very well in the exams and the CET !
He did better than me , but when he realised that I had something called reservation , he spurned me and my friendship ... and went his own way . Thats something I doubt I 'll see again in my life ... a valuable lesson on perception .

Many more memories ran through my mind that night , but I ll save them for another day ... there is something more interesting I want to say . Somewhere in the middle of this memory bank flood I decided to read something . Getting up , I went to the book shelf and found among the many books my bro had bought and never read (!) a book called "The Betrayal and other short stories" by Sivasankari . The first story was kind of big , so I read some of the smaller ones .And to my pleasant surprise I found them really fun ! The stories were actually written in Tamil and then "transcreated"(the word on the book) to English by a couple of ladies . Most of them dealt with middle class families ... and the point of view was usually that of a house wife ... if you ever wondered what could possibly go on in the mind of a housewife , this you got to read . From just what goes on in the mind of a lady bored at staying at home the whole day to what happens to one who suffers a loveless marriage and how she deals with a "unfaithful" husband (this one is brilliant ... "The betrayal") . Each story other than the first one is quite small , but the number of issues it raises about the life of a woman , whether a child , or an old lady and the insights it provides at family life and its delicate intricacies are mind blowing ... believe me ... there are not too many books which impress me so much . I was so engrossed , I stayed up the whole night and finished it off ! At the end of it all , I saw the cost of the book . It cost a mere 90 bucks ... now thats something which we spend so easily on a meal every day which more often than not we forget in a day . But this book I ll never forget ...

I went to sleep at 6 am and got up only at 11 am much to the chagrin of my dad ... but sleeplessness put to good use can bring a smile to your face many years later ...

anniyan ...

In college , there was a guy called "dhevaru" (god, in kannada ) who once told me I should be given the title "onegar of krec" (complainer of krec) ... because i had a very vocal way of venting my dissatisfaction about anything out of place . That was one point of view ...anyway that came to my mind cause i am gonna write a movie review .

A couple of months back I got a video through mail in office ... it was a trailer of "anniyan" ... a film by shankar (indian , boys,mudhalvan....) . I am relative newbie to popular tamil cinema , but once i went to chennai and got along with the local folk there , my view of tamil , tamil cinema ... changed quite a bit . I had to admit there was some real talented work happening there .

Anniyan is a story about a very "paavum" guy (innocent...bechara) who is a lawyer and can't tolerate injustice in any form ... (brings to mind a line from somewhere ..."its not the magnitude that matters , its the nature of the action ") . He faces situations which cause deep impressions to be left on his psyche . His kid sister dies early in his childhood becoz of electrocution on the roadside due the negligence of many people . Everybody goes scot free because the crime cant be pinned on anyone in particular . And as he grows up , he falls in love with a girl who is his relative in some way( could nt make out) but is unable to express it . This is another source of fuel for his emotional pressure cooker . He becomes a lawyer who upholds justice in every little thing possible and this as expected is percieved as eccentric (Howard Roark would have been proud of this guy ! ) . People treat him condescendingly and don't take him seriously .

His life goes on in this very unsatisfactory way until one day something in his mind gives way and he becomes what his deepest subconsious wants him to be . To take care of the injustice around he becomes "anniyan" , who in his mind is the care taker of the hindu hell "narakam" . The best part about this is he himself doesn't know that his brain is multi tasking to run many operating systems ! So our pal the lawyer complains about the wrongs happening in chennai through a website anniyan.com to his alter ego "anniyan" . And anniyan punishes the guilty with death as prescribed in the vedas for "judgement day" . The most gruesome punishment of them all I felt was when he ties up a guy and adorns him with gigantic leeches ... they squeeze him dry to leave something grouse behind.

As if one alter ego wasnt enough , another comes up .."remo" ... ramp walk model . This guys created by his mind to satisfy the romantic urges of our hero . He patafies the babe easily with his cool attitude and crazy stunts (like walking backwards on a heavy traffic road) . Things go well for the alter egos , but our hero is as dissatisfied as ever . The babe commits a heinous crime right in front of his eyes , the crime being tax evasion ! In a short time "anniyan" is after her ... and owing to the babe being a very familiar person , the processor ...the hero's mind gets confused and the alter egos "remo" and "anniyan" with conflicting interests in her come and go rapidly , one trying to kill and the other protect . A superb fight sequence with an entire kung fu school ensues as anniyan tries to punish the babe . Anniyan , wins hands down , but the babe is nt just a babe ... she has a brain too ! ... she realises that its the same guy whos remo and anniyan and the lawyer . Appealing to his mushy side (though she doesnt really care abt him) ... she escapes and eventually gets him to NIMHANS.

Diagnosed for multiple personality disorder , the babe falls for him , for evidently hes crazy abt him . This apparently is an exit sign for the remo alter ego . But anniyan is still on the loose . In the true "Indian" style , anniyan organises a town hall meeting to spread public awareness about his one man "punisher " company . Having done that , and made the people pee in their pants with "al qaeda" style videos , he manages to give a slip to the cops ... namely prakash raj whose bro anniyan fried in oil earlier for serving bad food on a train . Seeking revenge , the cop traces out our hero and gets him a torture room to make him admit his crimes . He uses extreme weapons of the medieval age on out hero who takes it all like a bakra , but once the mental anguish crosses a limit , he shifts to anniyan mode and normal mode like a toggle flip flop , as a result ... putting the cop in a major confusion . The cops get beaten black and blue and anniyan runs out of batteries after some time .

The final destination is the court of law where the hero's father , a lawyer himself gives a good presentation to the judge (reminds me of devenders and malavikas presentation in coll .... the one with the quantum computing ) . And so our hero goes scot free against his own will , because the law can understand stuff like alter egos in Chennai !!!

The conculsion is a happy one ... a treatment of a semester ..sorry six months is enough to get rid of the remaining alter ego "anniyan" . The hero is normal when he comes out and loses his Roarkian qualities (wat a pity ) ... but alls well that ends well , he marries and goes off on his honeymoon on a train !? But in the ending scene "anniyan " lives again... akin to "i ll be back " of the terminator .

Its one really entertaining film if you understand tamil ! watchable even otherwise , esp if you can get a tam babe to translate it for you ! Watch it , highly recommended by me ....

- msk

Some memories of college ....

Today I met some of my college friends online , and like before I learnt something from their eyes about myself .

I ve been at home for a couple of weeks , cause I have a case of infectious jaundice (hepatitis A ) . The first few days were miserable , tasteless food and being weak and helpless . But its improved steadily and now am almost back to normal . In the last couple of weeks , I ate food for its nutritional value alone and with salt alone as my saviour , the word "food " has taken taken on a new meaning for me .

Being at home only with family to lean back on and faced with the prospect of passing 24 hrs for a month at home was a little too much ,the reason is I have been in and out of family life for the last 5 years . 4 years of engg. and a year at work . This is undeniably the only time I ve truly spent with my parents in a very very long time . It should have been done a long time ago , but destiny has a strange way of getting things in place . Looking at the way things stand from their point of view , it certainly makes sense for me to look for a job in Bangalore .

Like I was saying in the beginning , I met some friends online and got a morale boosting which can only come through some real feeling ... and this felt great . Thanks batta and chandan if you are reading this ... I really appreciate it . Some hesitation and doubt about my career path still exists , but what the hell its always there in whatever we do, so I am going for it . This brings to my mind a beautiful saying I once saw in an unlikely place called Yercaud ... It said " You can't see the end right from the beginning , but going forward you can see more of what is ahead each time ...until you reach the destination ". Somehow that sentence stuck in my head .

Now I am trying to get back to Bangalore , or atleast to see where I stand as far my value as a 1yr experienced s/w engr goes . Another day in the life of karthik ends .... bye until next time

a year as a pro

Yesterday I completed a year of service as a software engineer . Surprisingly , there was no overwhelming emotion like in the movies , I coming back home from office and my parents are waiting for their brave son who is the breadwinner and the apple of their eye . And then they would take out an "aaarthi" for me and I would yet again relive the joy of the first day at work and the first salary !

The above scene is not really feasible , because I work in Chennai ... my elder brother is also working . We are n't into that much melodrama , at least where happy events are concerned , sad occasions are another story . Like in the case of the death of a dear one , the emotion is writ deep on the close ones' faces . Others are not really moved , some pretend , some are concerned truly and most others are silent spectators .

I started off to say something totally different , I guess that characterises me , start off in one direction and end up unconsciously at some other destination . Getting back to the topic .
1 year , I thought something ought to be done , so I sat down and penned some rhyme , censored and politically correct stuff so that it was palatable for the office crowd ;)

Here it is :

A year Fresher than yesterday

A year ago ,on a day like this ,
A student stepped into the world.
No doting teachers , no helping friends
He expected , it ll be tough to attain bliss.

From the west to the east coast he moved ,
Stopping by in between to meet family ,
And entered a new zone of opressive heat gamely.
A new life began , from expectations ,far removed .

Met new people , competitive and competent ,
Brilliant at work and more so at fun !
The Soft war(e) was around us , the race began .
The game had rules and pretty fast we learnt .

Knowledge accumulation and dissemination boiled down to ctrl -c and ctrl -v.
The senior senors helped us out with the intricacy .
Drawing with code , how hard could it be ?
Without master , it could ve been the end of me !

From the humble beginnings of "hello world" we climbed ,
To message maps and connection points we reached .
And to take a snapshot view , off from the pending tasks
Comes to my mind a question :
"Fresher" was he for the lack of experience or by comparison ? "
I am sure it will be more fun to answer and than to ask .

- railmani

a year nearly??

Its been a hell of a long time since I wrote anything at all. I remember getting frustrated with the idea of nobody ever reading anything I write ... until I read a blog today by PC , about trekking . From there to some other blogs , and the bug bit me again. So , get ready for the return of railmani !

An update of whats happening in my life . I am currently in the post appraisal stage of my first year as a software engineer. Got a small raise , and was appreciated as was everyone else ... until i found out that not everybody else was appreciated ! So felt good . This was quite some time ago .

Almost come to the end of a year of my career ... another 5 days will do it ! Been a mixed bag until now , but the overall feeling I get is good , so it works .

In the meantime I am preparing for a new career , preparing for CAT .
My brother has got a job , a managerial job ! and so the pressure of being the only earning member is down , not that there was much .

I have to dedicate a blog to the quake tournament conducted recently in bangalore by my friend . That I shall do over the weekend .

Now I am gonna make my page look cool !

back from hibernation

Well, its been quite some time since the last blog . I was moved into a mode with no real motivation to save the occurences around me . Fixing bugs for months on end is no exciting job , I can guarantee that .

But other interesting incidents did come up . Quake has made a re entry into my life ... in the form of a tourney ... and more recently , some interesting stories of a friend of mine came to the fore , and is generating a lot of interest in certain elite circles . The tsunami came and went , but couldn't budge me from my slumber . My geared bicycle ( ! ) is still in good shape and i enjoy riding through the chennai traffic ... helps me dodge rockets and rails better i guess 11 .

Work is not as interesting as it was some time back . Due to some politics (dp) in office , things seem dour , and some impressions of people changed quite a bit .

Got myself a dvd player and a tv tuner card ! ... life is good , but i really wish there was more time in the day and that my LAN started working :(

If i am getting into MBA , i can say that i ve seen some really amazing case studies right in front of my eyes ... though how good i can be i dont know ... but my admiration for the boss grows .

Thats pretty much it , the financial year is about to begin , all the paperwork is in the pipeline ... I hate nothing more than this ! if anyone feels the same , best of luck to u and to me 11

ciao

extract from chappar gandus

Hmm, I see that the prospect of gossip about all our(pseudo) love affairs has generated quite a bit ofinterest . There is the truth and then there is theopinions which spin around uncontrollably . In a placelike college , it becomes difficult to distinguish thetwo . By popular demand , u wanted 2nd person pov , i amafraid that it will be a breach of trust to do that... i personally would want to spill the beans , butof course i ll try to set a trend ...Please don't use this info for any other reason otherthan perusal and deletion ! or just plain abstraction.I saw her for the first time in the cet cell ... itwasnt love at first sight ... but definitely , shecaught my eye . And then came college , I was sopumped up about a new beginning to my hormone abusedlife , that i was hitting upon all and sundry withoutany "level" . After the initial ruffle , it becamemore reciprocative and i started making friends withthe girls , except one . I had something in me whichmade me say all the wrong things and generally gobananas in front of her . Trying to be the best infront of her , i became a kind of obsequious bot . Life went on and my feelings grew and though I knewthat the right thing to do is always express yourfeelings , i could n't do it . I know that its one ofthe things i regret to this day . There were a lot of intermingled issues during thiswhole fiasco if i may ... which is not worthdiscussing . That was one of my (mis)adventures ... there isanother one ... A friend i gained initially became more than a friend( plz rmmber this is fpv... ie purely me)... and well,as u all know the ice berg beneath all theconversation is the body language . And that was theone that sunk the ship ... I ve heard of ppl being very sure about the partnersthey fancy ... but i have been cursed with an elementof doubt in many things , so that story as well as theother comes to a premature end .In the time between all these events , i did pen someof my best and only rhyme ... if anyone is interestedi can put it up on my blog site .Oh man, i almost forgot the most well documented firstperson pseudo affair ever ... see my "blog of thecentury" in railmani.blogspot.com Well , thats about all i will say , its free tointerpretation .. looking forward to some more stories, urs truly , msk

quake going to rock bangalore !!

Hey guys , Its true ... a quake measuring real big in whatever units and whatever scale is going to rock bangalore in the january of 2005 .
Thanks to "Maverick" and his never dying love for the game , we are going to have some unforgettable moments in the game's history( ok , cool , u need some melodrama to bring up the josh , u know 11).
Anyways , the venue is a place called XSG in Koramangala , and the gametype ... your favourite : ctf . And to top it all, the qualifier will be the oh so lovely duelling keeps !! The other rounds are still under discussion , but it promises to be one hell of a tourney . Teams are expected from other clans ( q: are we a clan ? should we be ? i think so ...) . Seeing the quality of quake in many places , I think we stand a great chance as a college ... as a clan ... all we need is that little extra bit of josh !
The date is scheduled to be the 15th of this month , as of now .
Keep looking out for this spot for further details . you can put in a comment as a reply to this ,
Come on guys , looking forward to a gory orgy , 11

fare thee well , my quaker ,

- railmani.

paranoia

Hmm, this is a familiar topic for me . I have always been afflicted by this queer phenomenon . In school , I always thought that I was one guy , never identified my self as a part of any group . So when I expected some trouble , I was always a lonely sufferer . Waiting , for the misdeed to be discovered and then expecting the punishment was as you could imagine , hell . At times like these , it never occured to me to confide in anyone , not my parents , not my brother , not my so called friends . I was a loner .

As I grew up , this quality still remains , but as with many other aspects , its hidden in wrappers . For a person who wants to analyse the behaviour of an adult , especially in a place like an Office where things you say and do matter , his/her skill should lie in body language . The notion that nobody realises what you are up to is not at all valid , because at every interaction with a peer or a superior , you are judged . This might sound surprising , but I realised when I faced feedback from the bosses , that the impression they get is primarily from what you speak and do in front of everyone ... that is projection of the self to a crowd . This is a major factor in selling yourself ... because I know how powerful an impression a teacher creates in the classroom can be . Once again , Mr Rao comes to my mind .

How is this related to paranoia ?
The fact that you are being watched and judged is the answer . This can be seen visually at any workstation where the boss walks over suddenly and demands an explanation for that day's failure to deliver , or something similar . Things can get pretty ugly , when accusations ( maybe valid ) fly when the responsibility for an action is to be taken . But at the end of it all , it could be an excercise to check your behaviour in a real situation ... so the only way to stay ahead of this is to remain calm ... no matter what .

I can correlate this to another thing called killer instinct . The lack of paranoia , I would define as killer instinct in certain contexts . Certainly , in quake , if I never had paranoia , I could thrash anyone .