Me
Friday, July 22, 2005
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
sleepless in bangalore....
Its been more than 3 weeks at home now ... by far the longest stretch of time I 've ever spent at home ...properly . At times , the boredom gets to me and makes me do crazy things . I remember in college , everyday was a day of "manmaani" ,towards the end at aleast . After beginning work , this continued for some time but you know what happens once you start working , routine becomes a way of life or at least unavoidable . And so it happened to me as well in Chennai. But suddenly one day I had a bittersweet surprise ... I had jaundice ! This forced me to bunk office and stay at home like a caged tiger who had been suddenly put on a vegetarian diet (hehe) .
Coming to the point , yesterday night(or is it yesternight? ) , I was lying in bed ... it was around 12 am . I just couldn't sleep , and thats when it happened . I had a flashback of many major things which happened in my life . Right from the time I had some of my most difficult confrontations ... which were mostly in school to the time I had in college . School brought back some bitter sweet memories . I had very few friends in school ... and only one was close ...and in my mind everything we did and all the stories he told me came as a flood . Delving deeper into each incident and conversation we had had , I remembered how much I had admired him at one point of time , and how much things had changed over ... 10 years ! Coming to think of it , he has hardly changed , he still looks the same , talks the same ... but yeah once out of school , we shot out in totally different directions . The four years I spent in college , I totally forgot about him and when I did remember it made me feel guilty for not keeping in touch for such a long time . Somehow through very rare phone calls I had a vague idea what he was upto . College finished , we met a couple of times , I started working in Chennai and after a year's time I got in touch and the response was as cordial as ever . We planned to meet up and that is an event in the future .
Memories of one friend brought back memories of other friends . One of them I can never forget , he was my classmate in P U college and I still remember some where at the end of first PU , he had a realisation ... that life is serious and only hard work will pay. His self esteem was hurt when we used to call him a particularly annoying name . And for sometime he took it and then one fine day he stopped responding ... he stopped hanging out with us . I was a bit closer to him than the rest and on approaching him I found out what the meaning of an "ego " was . I had it myself , but seeing it so strong in another person was a revealing experience . True to his word , he never joined us again and surprised everyone by doing very well in the exams and the CET !
He did better than me , but when he realised that I had something called reservation , he spurned me and my friendship ... and went his own way . Thats something I doubt I 'll see again in my life ... a valuable lesson on perception .
Many more memories ran through my mind that night , but I ll save them for another day ... there is something more interesting I want to say . Somewhere in the middle of this memory bank flood I decided to read something . Getting up , I went to the book shelf and found among the many books my bro had bought and never read (!) a book called "The Betrayal and other short stories" by Sivasankari . The first story was kind of big , so I read some of the smaller ones .And to my pleasant surprise I found them really fun ! The stories were actually written in Tamil and then "transcreated"(the word on the book) to English by a couple of ladies . Most of them dealt with middle class families ... and the point of view was usually that of a house wife ... if you ever wondered what could possibly go on in the mind of a housewife , this you got to read . From just what goes on in the mind of a lady bored at staying at home the whole day to what happens to one who suffers a loveless marriage and how she deals with a "unfaithful" husband (this one is brilliant ... "The betrayal") . Each story other than the first one is quite small , but the number of issues it raises about the life of a woman , whether a child , or an old lady and the insights it provides at family life and its delicate intricacies are mind blowing ... believe me ... there are not too many books which impress me so much . I was so engrossed , I stayed up the whole night and finished it off ! At the end of it all , I saw the cost of the book . It cost a mere 90 bucks ... now thats something which we spend so easily on a meal every day which more often than not we forget in a day . But this book I ll never forget ...
I went to sleep at 6 am and got up only at 11 am much to the chagrin of my dad ... but sleeplessness put to good use can bring a smile to your face many years later ...
Coming to the point , yesterday night(or is it yesternight? ) , I was lying in bed ... it was around 12 am . I just couldn't sleep , and thats when it happened . I had a flashback of many major things which happened in my life . Right from the time I had some of my most difficult confrontations ... which were mostly in school to the time I had in college . School brought back some bitter sweet memories . I had very few friends in school ... and only one was close ...and in my mind everything we did and all the stories he told me came as a flood . Delving deeper into each incident and conversation we had had , I remembered how much I had admired him at one point of time , and how much things had changed over ... 10 years ! Coming to think of it , he has hardly changed , he still looks the same , talks the same ... but yeah once out of school , we shot out in totally different directions . The four years I spent in college , I totally forgot about him and when I did remember it made me feel guilty for not keeping in touch for such a long time . Somehow through very rare phone calls I had a vague idea what he was upto . College finished , we met a couple of times , I started working in Chennai and after a year's time I got in touch and the response was as cordial as ever . We planned to meet up and that is an event in the future .
Memories of one friend brought back memories of other friends . One of them I can never forget , he was my classmate in P U college and I still remember some where at the end of first PU , he had a realisation ... that life is serious and only hard work will pay. His self esteem was hurt when we used to call him a particularly annoying name . And for sometime he took it and then one fine day he stopped responding ... he stopped hanging out with us . I was a bit closer to him than the rest and on approaching him I found out what the meaning of an "ego " was . I had it myself , but seeing it so strong in another person was a revealing experience . True to his word , he never joined us again and surprised everyone by doing very well in the exams and the CET !
He did better than me , but when he realised that I had something called reservation , he spurned me and my friendship ... and went his own way . Thats something I doubt I 'll see again in my life ... a valuable lesson on perception .
Many more memories ran through my mind that night , but I ll save them for another day ... there is something more interesting I want to say . Somewhere in the middle of this memory bank flood I decided to read something . Getting up , I went to the book shelf and found among the many books my bro had bought and never read (!) a book called "The Betrayal and other short stories" by Sivasankari . The first story was kind of big , so I read some of the smaller ones .And to my pleasant surprise I found them really fun ! The stories were actually written in Tamil and then "transcreated"(the word on the book) to English by a couple of ladies . Most of them dealt with middle class families ... and the point of view was usually that of a house wife ... if you ever wondered what could possibly go on in the mind of a housewife , this you got to read . From just what goes on in the mind of a lady bored at staying at home the whole day to what happens to one who suffers a loveless marriage and how she deals with a "unfaithful" husband (this one is brilliant ... "The betrayal") . Each story other than the first one is quite small , but the number of issues it raises about the life of a woman , whether a child , or an old lady and the insights it provides at family life and its delicate intricacies are mind blowing ... believe me ... there are not too many books which impress me so much . I was so engrossed , I stayed up the whole night and finished it off ! At the end of it all , I saw the cost of the book . It cost a mere 90 bucks ... now thats something which we spend so easily on a meal every day which more often than not we forget in a day . But this book I ll never forget ...
I went to sleep at 6 am and got up only at 11 am much to the chagrin of my dad ... but sleeplessness put to good use can bring a smile to your face many years later ...
Thursday, July 14, 2005
anniyan ...
In college , there was a guy called "dhevaru" (god, in kannada ) who once told me I should be given the title "onegar of krec" (complainer of krec) ... because i had a very vocal way of venting my dissatisfaction about anything out of place . That was one point of view ...anyway that came to my mind cause i am gonna write a movie review .
A couple of months back I got a video through mail in office ... it was a trailer of "anniyan" ... a film by shankar (indian , boys,mudhalvan....) . I am relative newbie to popular tamil cinema , but once i went to chennai and got along with the local folk there , my view of tamil , tamil cinema ... changed quite a bit . I had to admit there was some real talented work happening there .
Anniyan is a story about a very "paavum" guy (innocent...bechara) who is a lawyer and can't tolerate injustice in any form ... (brings to mind a line from somewhere ..."its not the magnitude that matters , its the nature of the action ") . He faces situations which cause deep impressions to be left on his psyche . His kid sister dies early in his childhood becoz of electrocution on the roadside due the negligence of many people . Everybody goes scot free because the crime cant be pinned on anyone in particular . And as he grows up , he falls in love with a girl who is his relative in some way( could nt make out) but is unable to express it . This is another source of fuel for his emotional pressure cooker . He becomes a lawyer who upholds justice in every little thing possible and this as expected is percieved as eccentric (Howard Roark would have been proud of this guy ! ) . People treat him condescendingly and don't take him seriously .
His life goes on in this very unsatisfactory way until one day something in his mind gives way and he becomes what his deepest subconsious wants him to be . To take care of the injustice around he becomes "anniyan" , who in his mind is the care taker of the hindu hell "narakam" . The best part about this is he himself doesn't know that his brain is multi tasking to run many operating systems ! So our pal the lawyer complains about the wrongs happening in chennai through a website anniyan.com to his alter ego "anniyan" . And anniyan punishes the guilty with death as prescribed in the vedas for "judgement day" . The most gruesome punishment of them all I felt was when he ties up a guy and adorns him with gigantic leeches ... they squeeze him dry to leave something grouse behind.
As if one alter ego wasnt enough , another comes up .."remo" ... ramp walk model . This guys created by his mind to satisfy the romantic urges of our hero . He patafies the babe easily with his cool attitude and crazy stunts (like walking backwards on a heavy traffic road) . Things go well for the alter egos , but our hero is as dissatisfied as ever . The babe commits a heinous crime right in front of his eyes , the crime being tax evasion ! In a short time "anniyan" is after her ... and owing to the babe being a very familiar person , the processor ...the hero's mind gets confused and the alter egos "remo" and "anniyan" with conflicting interests in her come and go rapidly , one trying to kill and the other protect . A superb fight sequence with an entire kung fu school ensues as anniyan tries to punish the babe . Anniyan , wins hands down , but the babe is nt just a babe ... she has a brain too ! ... she realises that its the same guy whos remo and anniyan and the lawyer . Appealing to his mushy side (though she doesnt really care abt him) ... she escapes and eventually gets him to NIMHANS.
Diagnosed for multiple personality disorder , the babe falls for him , for evidently hes crazy abt him . This apparently is an exit sign for the remo alter ego . But anniyan is still on the loose . In the true "Indian" style , anniyan organises a town hall meeting to spread public awareness about his one man "punisher " company . Having done that , and made the people pee in their pants with "al qaeda" style videos , he manages to give a slip to the cops ... namely prakash raj whose bro anniyan fried in oil earlier for serving bad food on a train . Seeking revenge , the cop traces out our hero and gets him a torture room to make him admit his crimes . He uses extreme weapons of the medieval age on out hero who takes it all like a bakra , but once the mental anguish crosses a limit , he shifts to anniyan mode and normal mode like a toggle flip flop , as a result ... putting the cop in a major confusion . The cops get beaten black and blue and anniyan runs out of batteries after some time .
The final destination is the court of law where the hero's father , a lawyer himself gives a good presentation to the judge (reminds me of devenders and malavikas presentation in coll .... the one with the quantum computing ) . And so our hero goes scot free against his own will , because the law can understand stuff like alter egos in Chennai !!!
The conculsion is a happy one ... a treatment of a semester ..sorry six months is enough to get rid of the remaining alter ego "anniyan" . The hero is normal when he comes out and loses his Roarkian qualities (wat a pity ) ... but alls well that ends well , he marries and goes off on his honeymoon on a train !? But in the ending scene "anniyan " lives again... akin to "i ll be back " of the terminator .
Its one really entertaining film if you understand tamil ! watchable even otherwise , esp if you can get a tam babe to translate it for you ! Watch it , highly recommended by me ....
- msk
A couple of months back I got a video through mail in office ... it was a trailer of "anniyan" ... a film by shankar (indian , boys,mudhalvan....) . I am relative newbie to popular tamil cinema , but once i went to chennai and got along with the local folk there , my view of tamil , tamil cinema ... changed quite a bit . I had to admit there was some real talented work happening there .
Anniyan is a story about a very "paavum" guy (innocent...bechara) who is a lawyer and can't tolerate injustice in any form ... (brings to mind a line from somewhere ..."its not the magnitude that matters , its the nature of the action ") . He faces situations which cause deep impressions to be left on his psyche . His kid sister dies early in his childhood becoz of electrocution on the roadside due the negligence of many people . Everybody goes scot free because the crime cant be pinned on anyone in particular . And as he grows up , he falls in love with a girl who is his relative in some way( could nt make out) but is unable to express it . This is another source of fuel for his emotional pressure cooker . He becomes a lawyer who upholds justice in every little thing possible and this as expected is percieved as eccentric (Howard Roark would have been proud of this guy ! ) . People treat him condescendingly and don't take him seriously .
His life goes on in this very unsatisfactory way until one day something in his mind gives way and he becomes what his deepest subconsious wants him to be . To take care of the injustice around he becomes "anniyan" , who in his mind is the care taker of the hindu hell "narakam" . The best part about this is he himself doesn't know that his brain is multi tasking to run many operating systems ! So our pal the lawyer complains about the wrongs happening in chennai through a website anniyan.com to his alter ego "anniyan" . And anniyan punishes the guilty with death as prescribed in the vedas for "judgement day" . The most gruesome punishment of them all I felt was when he ties up a guy and adorns him with gigantic leeches ... they squeeze him dry to leave something grouse behind.
As if one alter ego wasnt enough , another comes up .."remo" ... ramp walk model . This guys created by his mind to satisfy the romantic urges of our hero . He patafies the babe easily with his cool attitude and crazy stunts (like walking backwards on a heavy traffic road) . Things go well for the alter egos , but our hero is as dissatisfied as ever . The babe commits a heinous crime right in front of his eyes , the crime being tax evasion ! In a short time "anniyan" is after her ... and owing to the babe being a very familiar person , the processor ...the hero's mind gets confused and the alter egos "remo" and "anniyan" with conflicting interests in her come and go rapidly , one trying to kill and the other protect . A superb fight sequence with an entire kung fu school ensues as anniyan tries to punish the babe . Anniyan , wins hands down , but the babe is nt just a babe ... she has a brain too ! ... she realises that its the same guy whos remo and anniyan and the lawyer . Appealing to his mushy side (though she doesnt really care abt him) ... she escapes and eventually gets him to NIMHANS.
Diagnosed for multiple personality disorder , the babe falls for him , for evidently hes crazy abt him . This apparently is an exit sign for the remo alter ego . But anniyan is still on the loose . In the true "Indian" style , anniyan organises a town hall meeting to spread public awareness about his one man "punisher " company . Having done that , and made the people pee in their pants with "al qaeda" style videos , he manages to give a slip to the cops ... namely prakash raj whose bro anniyan fried in oil earlier for serving bad food on a train . Seeking revenge , the cop traces out our hero and gets him a torture room to make him admit his crimes . He uses extreme weapons of the medieval age on out hero who takes it all like a bakra , but once the mental anguish crosses a limit , he shifts to anniyan mode and normal mode like a toggle flip flop , as a result ... putting the cop in a major confusion . The cops get beaten black and blue and anniyan runs out of batteries after some time .
The final destination is the court of law where the hero's father , a lawyer himself gives a good presentation to the judge (reminds me of devenders and malavikas presentation in coll .... the one with the quantum computing ) . And so our hero goes scot free against his own will , because the law can understand stuff like alter egos in Chennai !!!
The conculsion is a happy one ... a treatment of a semester ..sorry six months is enough to get rid of the remaining alter ego "anniyan" . The hero is normal when he comes out and loses his Roarkian qualities (wat a pity ) ... but alls well that ends well , he marries and goes off on his honeymoon on a train !? But in the ending scene "anniyan " lives again... akin to "i ll be back " of the terminator .
Its one really entertaining film if you understand tamil ! watchable even otherwise , esp if you can get a tam babe to translate it for you ! Watch it , highly recommended by me ....
- msk
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Some memories of college ....
Today I met some of my college friends online , and like before I learnt something from their eyes about myself .
I ve been at home for a couple of weeks , cause I have a case of infectious jaundice (hepatitis A ) . The first few days were miserable , tasteless food and being weak and helpless . But its improved steadily and now am almost back to normal . In the last couple of weeks , I ate food for its nutritional value alone and with salt alone as my saviour , the word "food " has taken taken on a new meaning for me .
Being at home only with family to lean back on and faced with the prospect of passing 24 hrs for a month at home was a little too much ,the reason is I have been in and out of family life for the last 5 years . 4 years of engg. and a year at work . This is undeniably the only time I ve truly spent with my parents in a very very long time . It should have been done a long time ago , but destiny has a strange way of getting things in place . Looking at the way things stand from their point of view , it certainly makes sense for me to look for a job in Bangalore .
Like I was saying in the beginning , I met some friends online and got a morale boosting which can only come through some real feeling ... and this felt great . Thanks batta and chandan if you are reading this ... I really appreciate it . Some hesitation and doubt about my career path still exists , but what the hell its always there in whatever we do, so I am going for it . This brings to my mind a beautiful saying I once saw in an unlikely place called Yercaud ... It said " You can't see the end right from the beginning , but going forward you can see more of what is ahead each time ...until you reach the destination ". Somehow that sentence stuck in my head .
Now I am trying to get back to Bangalore , or atleast to see where I stand as far my value as a 1yr experienced s/w engr goes . Another day in the life of karthik ends .... bye until next time
I ve been at home for a couple of weeks , cause I have a case of infectious jaundice (hepatitis A ) . The first few days were miserable , tasteless food and being weak and helpless . But its improved steadily and now am almost back to normal . In the last couple of weeks , I ate food for its nutritional value alone and with salt alone as my saviour , the word "food " has taken taken on a new meaning for me .
Being at home only with family to lean back on and faced with the prospect of passing 24 hrs for a month at home was a little too much ,the reason is I have been in and out of family life for the last 5 years . 4 years of engg. and a year at work . This is undeniably the only time I ve truly spent with my parents in a very very long time . It should have been done a long time ago , but destiny has a strange way of getting things in place . Looking at the way things stand from their point of view , it certainly makes sense for me to look for a job in Bangalore .
Like I was saying in the beginning , I met some friends online and got a morale boosting which can only come through some real feeling ... and this felt great . Thanks batta and chandan if you are reading this ... I really appreciate it . Some hesitation and doubt about my career path still exists , but what the hell its always there in whatever we do, so I am going for it . This brings to my mind a beautiful saying I once saw in an unlikely place called Yercaud ... It said " You can't see the end right from the beginning , but going forward you can see more of what is ahead each time ...until you reach the destination ". Somehow that sentence stuck in my head .
Now I am trying to get back to Bangalore , or atleast to see where I stand as far my value as a 1yr experienced s/w engr goes . Another day in the life of karthik ends .... bye until next time
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
a year as a pro
Yesterday I completed a year of service as a software engineer . Surprisingly , there was no overwhelming emotion like in the movies , I coming back home from office and my parents are waiting for their brave son who is the breadwinner and the apple of their eye . And then they would take out an "aaarthi" for me and I would yet again relive the joy of the first day at work and the first salary !
The above scene is not really feasible , because I work in Chennai ... my elder brother is also working . We are n't into that much melodrama , at least where happy events are concerned , sad occasions are another story . Like in the case of the death of a dear one , the emotion is writ deep on the close ones' faces . Others are not really moved , some pretend , some are concerned truly and most others are silent spectators .
I started off to say something totally different , I guess that characterises me , start off in one direction and end up unconsciously at some other destination . Getting back to the topic .
1 year , I thought something ought to be done , so I sat down and penned some rhyme , censored and politically correct stuff so that it was palatable for the office crowd ;)
Here it is :
A year Fresher than yesterday
A year ago ,on a day like this ,
A student stepped into the world.
No doting teachers , no helping friends
He expected , it ll be tough to attain bliss.
From the west to the east coast he moved ,
Stopping by in between to meet family ,
And entered a new zone of opressive heat gamely.
A new life began , from expectations ,far removed .
Met new people , competitive and competent ,
Brilliant at work and more so at fun !
The Soft war(e) was around us , the race began .
The game had rules and pretty fast we learnt .
Knowledge accumulation and dissemination boiled down to ctrl -c and ctrl -v.
The senior senors helped us out with the intricacy .
Drawing with code , how hard could it be ?
Without master , it could ve been the end of me !
From the humble beginnings of "hello world" we climbed ,
To message maps and connection points we reached .
And to take a snapshot view , off from the pending tasks
Comes to my mind a question :
"Fresher" was he for the lack of experience or by comparison ? "
I am sure it will be more fun to answer and than to ask .
- railmani
The above scene is not really feasible , because I work in Chennai ... my elder brother is also working . We are n't into that much melodrama , at least where happy events are concerned , sad occasions are another story . Like in the case of the death of a dear one , the emotion is writ deep on the close ones' faces . Others are not really moved , some pretend , some are concerned truly and most others are silent spectators .
I started off to say something totally different , I guess that characterises me , start off in one direction and end up unconsciously at some other destination . Getting back to the topic .
1 year , I thought something ought to be done , so I sat down and penned some rhyme , censored and politically correct stuff so that it was palatable for the office crowd ;)
Here it is :
A year Fresher than yesterday
A year ago ,on a day like this ,
A student stepped into the world.
No doting teachers , no helping friends
He expected , it ll be tough to attain bliss.
From the west to the east coast he moved ,
Stopping by in between to meet family ,
And entered a new zone of opressive heat gamely.
A new life began , from expectations ,far removed .
Met new people , competitive and competent ,
Brilliant at work and more so at fun !
The Soft war(e) was around us , the race began .
The game had rules and pretty fast we learnt .
Knowledge accumulation and dissemination boiled down to ctrl -c and ctrl -v.
The senior senors helped us out with the intricacy .
Drawing with code , how hard could it be ?
Without master , it could ve been the end of me !
From the humble beginnings of "hello world" we climbed ,
To message maps and connection points we reached .
And to take a snapshot view , off from the pending tasks
Comes to my mind a question :
"Fresher" was he for the lack of experience or by comparison ? "
I am sure it will be more fun to answer and than to ask .
- railmani
Thursday, June 16, 2005
a year nearly??
Its been a hell of a long time since I wrote anything at all. I remember getting frustrated with the idea of nobody ever reading anything I write ... until I read a blog today by PC , about trekking . From there to some other blogs , and the bug bit me again. So , get ready for the return of railmani !
An update of whats happening in my life . I am currently in the post appraisal stage of my first year as a software engineer. Got a small raise , and was appreciated as was everyone else ... until i found out that not everybody else was appreciated ! So felt good . This was quite some time ago .
Almost come to the end of a year of my career ... another 5 days will do it ! Been a mixed bag until now , but the overall feeling I get is good , so it works .
In the meantime I am preparing for a new career , preparing for CAT .
My brother has got a job , a managerial job ! and so the pressure of being the only earning member is down , not that there was much .
I have to dedicate a blog to the quake tournament conducted recently in bangalore by my friend . That I shall do over the weekend .
Now I am gonna make my page look cool !
An update of whats happening in my life . I am currently in the post appraisal stage of my first year as a software engineer. Got a small raise , and was appreciated as was everyone else ... until i found out that not everybody else was appreciated ! So felt good . This was quite some time ago .
Almost come to the end of a year of my career ... another 5 days will do it ! Been a mixed bag until now , but the overall feeling I get is good , so it works .
In the meantime I am preparing for a new career , preparing for CAT .
My brother has got a job , a managerial job ! and so the pressure of being the only earning member is down , not that there was much .
I have to dedicate a blog to the quake tournament conducted recently in bangalore by my friend . That I shall do over the weekend .
Now I am gonna make my page look cool !
Thursday, January 20, 2005
back from hibernation
Well, its been quite some time since the last blog . I was moved into a mode with no real motivation to save the occurences around me . Fixing bugs for months on end is no exciting job , I can guarantee that .
But other interesting incidents did come up . Quake has made a re entry into my life ... in the form of a tourney ... and more recently , some interesting stories of a friend of mine came to the fore , and is generating a lot of interest in certain elite circles . The tsunami came and went , but couldn't budge me from my slumber . My geared bicycle ( ! ) is still in good shape and i enjoy riding through the chennai traffic ... helps me dodge rockets and rails better i guess 11 .
Work is not as interesting as it was some time back . Due to some politics (dp) in office , things seem dour , and some impressions of people changed quite a bit .
Got myself a dvd player and a tv tuner card ! ... life is good , but i really wish there was more time in the day and that my LAN started working :(
If i am getting into MBA , i can say that i ve seen some really amazing case studies right in front of my eyes ... though how good i can be i dont know ... but my admiration for the boss grows .
Thats pretty much it , the financial year is about to begin , all the paperwork is in the pipeline ... I hate nothing more than this ! if anyone feels the same , best of luck to u and to me 11
ciao
But other interesting incidents did come up . Quake has made a re entry into my life ... in the form of a tourney ... and more recently , some interesting stories of a friend of mine came to the fore , and is generating a lot of interest in certain elite circles . The tsunami came and went , but couldn't budge me from my slumber . My geared bicycle ( ! ) is still in good shape and i enjoy riding through the chennai traffic ... helps me dodge rockets and rails better i guess 11 .
Work is not as interesting as it was some time back . Due to some politics (dp) in office , things seem dour , and some impressions of people changed quite a bit .
Got myself a dvd player and a tv tuner card ! ... life is good , but i really wish there was more time in the day and that my LAN started working :(
If i am getting into MBA , i can say that i ve seen some really amazing case studies right in front of my eyes ... though how good i can be i dont know ... but my admiration for the boss grows .
Thats pretty much it , the financial year is about to begin , all the paperwork is in the pipeline ... I hate nothing more than this ! if anyone feels the same , best of luck to u and to me 11
ciao
extract from chappar gandus
Hmm, I see that the prospect of gossip about all our(pseudo) love affairs has generated quite a bit ofinterest . There is the truth and then there is theopinions which spin around uncontrollably . In a placelike college , it becomes difficult to distinguish thetwo . By popular demand , u wanted 2nd person pov , i amafraid that it will be a breach of trust to do that... i personally would want to spill the beans , butof course i ll try to set a trend ...Please don't use this info for any other reason otherthan perusal and deletion ! or just plain abstraction.I saw her for the first time in the cet cell ... itwasnt love at first sight ... but definitely , shecaught my eye . And then came college , I was sopumped up about a new beginning to my hormone abusedlife , that i was hitting upon all and sundry withoutany "level" . After the initial ruffle , it becamemore reciprocative and i started making friends withthe girls , except one . I had something in me whichmade me say all the wrong things and generally gobananas in front of her . Trying to be the best infront of her , i became a kind of obsequious bot . Life went on and my feelings grew and though I knewthat the right thing to do is always express yourfeelings , i could n't do it . I know that its one ofthe things i regret to this day . There were a lot of intermingled issues during thiswhole fiasco if i may ... which is not worthdiscussing . That was one of my (mis)adventures ... there isanother one ... A friend i gained initially became more than a friend( plz rmmber this is fpv... ie purely me)... and well,as u all know the ice berg beneath all theconversation is the body language . And that was theone that sunk the ship ... I ve heard of ppl being very sure about the partnersthey fancy ... but i have been cursed with an elementof doubt in many things , so that story as well as theother comes to a premature end .In the time between all these events , i did pen someof my best and only rhyme ... if anyone is interestedi can put it up on my blog site .Oh man, i almost forgot the most well documented firstperson pseudo affair ever ... see my "blog of thecentury" in railmani.blogspot.com Well , thats about all i will say , its free tointerpretation .. looking forward to some more stories, urs truly , msk
Monday, January 03, 2005
quake going to rock bangalore !!
Hey guys , Its true ... a quake measuring real big in whatever units and whatever scale is going to rock bangalore in the january of 2005 .
Thanks to "Maverick" and his never dying love for the game , we are going to have some unforgettable moments in the game's history( ok , cool , u need some melodrama to bring up the josh , u know 11).
Anyways , the venue is a place called XSG in Koramangala , and the gametype ... your favourite : ctf . And to top it all, the qualifier will be the oh so lovely duelling keeps !! The other rounds are still under discussion , but it promises to be one hell of a tourney . Teams are expected from other clans ( q: are we a clan ? should we be ? i think so ...) . Seeing the quality of quake in many places , I think we stand a great chance as a college ... as a clan ... all we need is that little extra bit of josh !
The date is scheduled to be the 15th of this month , as of now .
Keep looking out for this spot for further details . you can put in a comment as a reply to this ,
Come on guys , looking forward to a gory orgy , 11
fare thee well , my quaker ,
- railmani.
Thanks to "Maverick" and his never dying love for the game , we are going to have some unforgettable moments in the game's history( ok , cool , u need some melodrama to bring up the josh , u know 11).
Anyways , the venue is a place called XSG in Koramangala , and the gametype ... your favourite : ctf . And to top it all, the qualifier will be the oh so lovely duelling keeps !! The other rounds are still under discussion , but it promises to be one hell of a tourney . Teams are expected from other clans ( q: are we a clan ? should we be ? i think so ...) . Seeing the quality of quake in many places , I think we stand a great chance as a college ... as a clan ... all we need is that little extra bit of josh !
The date is scheduled to be the 15th of this month , as of now .
Keep looking out for this spot for further details . you can put in a comment as a reply to this ,
Come on guys , looking forward to a gory orgy , 11
fare thee well , my quaker ,
- railmani.
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
paranoia
Hmm, this is a familiar topic for me . I have always been afflicted by this queer phenomenon . In school , I always thought that I was one guy , never identified my self as a part of any group . So when I expected some trouble , I was always a lonely sufferer . Waiting , for the misdeed to be discovered and then expecting the punishment was as you could imagine , hell . At times like these , it never occured to me to confide in anyone , not my parents , not my brother , not my so called friends . I was a loner .
As I grew up , this quality still remains , but as with many other aspects , its hidden in wrappers . For a person who wants to analyse the behaviour of an adult , especially in a place like an Office where things you say and do matter , his/her skill should lie in body language . The notion that nobody realises what you are up to is not at all valid , because at every interaction with a peer or a superior , you are judged . This might sound surprising , but I realised when I faced feedback from the bosses , that the impression they get is primarily from what you speak and do in front of everyone ... that is projection of the self to a crowd . This is a major factor in selling yourself ... because I know how powerful an impression a teacher creates in the classroom can be . Once again , Mr Rao comes to my mind .
How is this related to paranoia ?
The fact that you are being watched and judged is the answer . This can be seen visually at any workstation where the boss walks over suddenly and demands an explanation for that day's failure to deliver , or something similar . Things can get pretty ugly , when accusations ( maybe valid ) fly when the responsibility for an action is to be taken . But at the end of it all , it could be an excercise to check your behaviour in a real situation ... so the only way to stay ahead of this is to remain calm ... no matter what .
I can correlate this to another thing called killer instinct . The lack of paranoia , I would define as killer instinct in certain contexts . Certainly , in quake , if I never had paranoia , I could thrash anyone .
As I grew up , this quality still remains , but as with many other aspects , its hidden in wrappers . For a person who wants to analyse the behaviour of an adult , especially in a place like an Office where things you say and do matter , his/her skill should lie in body language . The notion that nobody realises what you are up to is not at all valid , because at every interaction with a peer or a superior , you are judged . This might sound surprising , but I realised when I faced feedback from the bosses , that the impression they get is primarily from what you speak and do in front of everyone ... that is projection of the self to a crowd . This is a major factor in selling yourself ... because I know how powerful an impression a teacher creates in the classroom can be . Once again , Mr Rao comes to my mind .
How is this related to paranoia ?
The fact that you are being watched and judged is the answer . This can be seen visually at any workstation where the boss walks over suddenly and demands an explanation for that day's failure to deliver , or something similar . Things can get pretty ugly , when accusations ( maybe valid ) fly when the responsibility for an action is to be taken . But at the end of it all , it could be an excercise to check your behaviour in a real situation ... so the only way to stay ahead of this is to remain calm ... no matter what .
I can correlate this to another thing called killer instinct . The lack of paranoia , I would define as killer instinct in certain contexts . Certainly , in quake , if I never had paranoia , I could thrash anyone .
Friday, December 10, 2004
Yesterday , I relived some of the fun I used to have in my college days....
I have a colleague , who is from ECE just like me and a very fun loving guy ... somewhat like "matter" you could say . We have to submit an assignment ..in fact two by the approaching monday and we decided that tonight we would sit and finish it ..somewhat like our college sessional preparation . We had dinner at a place called Pizzaurant ...u know what it was about from the name . Over there we talked about the good old ECE days when a lot of over head transmission used to occur and things like DSP and signals and systems where things were so hopeless that it was like a 360 degree shift back to zero pressure !!
We commiserated about the plight of the EEE guys in my college and his college ( seems that the universal truth is true outside KREC ! ) . And during this deja vu , there was a "politician screwing " session going on . Two guys , a really old and a middle aged guy were facing the music from an NDTV newsreader ... he was asking them what the rationale behind Sonia Gandhi's , and other politicians' lavish birthday bashes was . To this , these guys answered with utmost contempt , the same old crap about Indian culture , people's love for the leader , wishes that she should live for a 100 years !! This was real fun to watch, this newsreader was screwing them left and right , from the top and bottom , no respect and all, only straight questions , in english ... was real fun watching them stutter and splutter trying to justify things with not one fact , but abstractions !
The fiasco entertained us for some time , then we got back to the office cafe to catch a coffee and get back to work . We used the special luxury couches placed there , and as expected couldn't get up , until hours later ... such is the power of the couch !
Bitching they say is for the ladies , I say men do it as much , could u call it dogging ? hehe
Well, if u haven't tried it , I highly recommend this to all, especially when u have a deliverable the next day , its the most fun to talk about all those meaningless little things which happen . Those pretty things who u always dreamed about at home . Those small hints of attraction , even bigger hints of "f**k off" and countless others . At some point of time , if u can just forget that u r in office and think of it as a mating ground or rather courting ground ... it makes a lot of sense . With the males(analysts) being optionally towards the younger (s/w engr ) .
I found out about some people who actually can live their lives sorting people they know into acquaintances , friends , lover(s)! , family , as if its an addressbook or something !! Well , in this work culture , that might be the right thing to do , or maybe it is the right thing to do anyways .
But , I ain't like that , and an old dog ain't learning new tricks until forced to .
Another kind of people I found out about , the ones who change colours like the chameleon . I know that in situations where they are screwed , people can be really down and really break down sometimes . And later when things are alright , come back and say that it was nothing and get back at you for being there !! Well .... personally, I dont care for such things much , dont know if its a good thing or not , consistency of behaviour or atleast character is a desirable thing ...at all places ...work, friendship and relationships . And that coming from the most impulsive guy around ... hey but I am consistently impulsive right ?
The day ended with a ride back home on a CBZ at 1 am , and getting back to office at 9 am is no small challenge .....
I have a colleague , who is from ECE just like me and a very fun loving guy ... somewhat like "matter" you could say . We have to submit an assignment ..in fact two by the approaching monday and we decided that tonight we would sit and finish it ..somewhat like our college sessional preparation . We had dinner at a place called Pizzaurant ...u know what it was about from the name . Over there we talked about the good old ECE days when a lot of over head transmission used to occur and things like DSP and signals and systems where things were so hopeless that it was like a 360 degree shift back to zero pressure !!
We commiserated about the plight of the EEE guys in my college and his college ( seems that the universal truth is true outside KREC ! ) . And during this deja vu , there was a "politician screwing " session going on . Two guys , a really old and a middle aged guy were facing the music from an NDTV newsreader ... he was asking them what the rationale behind Sonia Gandhi's , and other politicians' lavish birthday bashes was . To this , these guys answered with utmost contempt , the same old crap about Indian culture , people's love for the leader , wishes that she should live for a 100 years !! This was real fun to watch, this newsreader was screwing them left and right , from the top and bottom , no respect and all, only straight questions , in english ... was real fun watching them stutter and splutter trying to justify things with not one fact , but abstractions !
The fiasco entertained us for some time , then we got back to the office cafe to catch a coffee and get back to work . We used the special luxury couches placed there , and as expected couldn't get up , until hours later ... such is the power of the couch !
Bitching they say is for the ladies , I say men do it as much , could u call it dogging ? hehe
Well, if u haven't tried it , I highly recommend this to all, especially when u have a deliverable the next day , its the most fun to talk about all those meaningless little things which happen . Those pretty things who u always dreamed about at home . Those small hints of attraction , even bigger hints of "f**k off" and countless others . At some point of time , if u can just forget that u r in office and think of it as a mating ground or rather courting ground ... it makes a lot of sense . With the males(analysts) being optionally towards the younger (s/w engr ) .
I found out about some people who actually can live their lives sorting people they know into acquaintances , friends , lover(s)! , family , as if its an addressbook or something !! Well , in this work culture , that might be the right thing to do , or maybe it is the right thing to do anyways .
But , I ain't like that , and an old dog ain't learning new tricks until forced to .
Another kind of people I found out about , the ones who change colours like the chameleon . I know that in situations where they are screwed , people can be really down and really break down sometimes . And later when things are alright , come back and say that it was nothing and get back at you for being there !! Well .... personally, I dont care for such things much , dont know if its a good thing or not , consistency of behaviour or atleast character is a desirable thing ...at all places ...work, friendship and relationships . And that coming from the most impulsive guy around ... hey but I am consistently impulsive right ?
The day ended with a ride back home on a CBZ at 1 am , and getting back to office at 9 am is no small challenge .....
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
different faces of the s/w industry ..
I was sad and I was lonely ... a year ago
Going through the moves without much ado
All around me people were going places , they were getting placed
I ... watched on silently , nothing showing on my face
And then it happened on a sunny day ,
It was summer you see and the heat was holding sway ...
They came , they saw and they recruited me !
I was overcome with ...joy ? somewhat , but felt more like "why we?"
But that was long ago , and now I am something more ...
Learning the ropes in a different arena , I entered a novice to the s/w core ,
I worked and worked and still felt bad
Until I realised that there was much fun to be had ...
Be clearer to your boss , I learnt , for hes watching you
Wherever you are , good or bad !
So when you like some work say it so , and hate something ... could make you mad
Many things I learnt from this boss of mine ...
Saying what you feel can be done with a smile
Telling you to work can be made to feel like a cup of wine
Through a crisis you 'll be put ,
Just to see, how well you can earn your cut,..maybe ?
No way , its to see how you can handle your butt
The more levels there are between you and the boss
The more screwed becomes the words that are put .
A tear or two can easen things ... when you are under pressure
But boy can it screw up your future pleasure !
An enterprising attitude all the bosses seek ,
Show that you are strong , not that you are weak .
If you have an idea , make it a product and sell it to him ,
If he buys it , you be sure that chances are not actually slim!
At many times a thought comes by ,
Am i the winner in this bargain or is there is something beyond the blue sky ?
I get lost in thought , and am rudely awoken , by the harsh ceiling lights ...
The sky is blocked , the lights are there to remind you ... we are paying you so high ,
So you better work hard , cause the day of appraisal is ever so nigh !
Between the boss and I ,
Lies another experienced guy .
Hes the jack of all (MicroSoft) trades ,
Technically speaking , he would have got good grades (were in school).
The boss who was , has taken a break and the jack takes over and reports to him ...
A new complication enters our simple bug fixing life .
The communication to the highest branch now is filtered by a knowing hand .
A few days later , a feedback is in order says the experienced guy .
I am interested , because he said it , as he looked into my eye .
"Come out with what you think " he says ,
A thought not spoken , is a thought not used .
A mind capable of brilliant things , is being wasted by not .. marketing ..!?
"Come on, I know all of this", I thought , but being silent ... is it such an ill spot ?
Being capable is not enough , for this is not school ... or for that matter college
Where the grades can come and go , without a thought passing through the gray matter ...
More vital is to "do and show " , for a good deed done is not a good deed seen ...
Some facts are difficult to stomach , especially where you are told you suck !?
"I know what I am , what the f**k ? " comes to the tip of the tongue ...
But think some more , from the boss's shoes ,
Move with the peers and do what they do .
Taking an initiative is brownie point always ,
And it earns respect , for your dedication and creative ways .
Pressure can change things sometimes , the egg may become harder when boiled , or sometimes start cracking ...
The boss ain't eat no egg , he just likes watching and learning .
Tested and tried until you are for a better place to hold ...
A promotion will have to wait , my friend ... so be bold
And make progress everyday , without being told .
"Cause at the end of the day" , the boss will always say ...
An idea thought is of no use , ... produce it and sell it to him ,
then your chances aren't actually slim .
--- railmani
Going through the moves without much ado
All around me people were going places , they were getting placed
I ... watched on silently , nothing showing on my face
And then it happened on a sunny day ,
It was summer you see and the heat was holding sway ...
They came , they saw and they recruited me !
I was overcome with ...joy ? somewhat , but felt more like "why we?"
But that was long ago , and now I am something more ...
Learning the ropes in a different arena , I entered a novice to the s/w core ,
I worked and worked and still felt bad
Until I realised that there was much fun to be had ...
Be clearer to your boss , I learnt , for hes watching you
Wherever you are , good or bad !
So when you like some work say it so , and hate something ... could make you mad
Many things I learnt from this boss of mine ...
Saying what you feel can be done with a smile
Telling you to work can be made to feel like a cup of wine
Through a crisis you 'll be put ,
Just to see, how well you can earn your cut,..maybe ?
No way , its to see how you can handle your butt
The more levels there are between you and the boss
The more screwed becomes the words that are put .
A tear or two can easen things ... when you are under pressure
But boy can it screw up your future pleasure !
An enterprising attitude all the bosses seek ,
Show that you are strong , not that you are weak .
If you have an idea , make it a product and sell it to him ,
If he buys it , you be sure that chances are not actually slim!
At many times a thought comes by ,
Am i the winner in this bargain or is there is something beyond the blue sky ?
I get lost in thought , and am rudely awoken , by the harsh ceiling lights ...
The sky is blocked , the lights are there to remind you ... we are paying you so high ,
So you better work hard , cause the day of appraisal is ever so nigh !
Between the boss and I ,
Lies another experienced guy .
Hes the jack of all (MicroSoft) trades ,
Technically speaking , he would have got good grades (were in school).
The boss who was , has taken a break and the jack takes over and reports to him ...
A new complication enters our simple bug fixing life .
The communication to the highest branch now is filtered by a knowing hand .
A few days later , a feedback is in order says the experienced guy .
I am interested , because he said it , as he looked into my eye .
"Come out with what you think " he says ,
A thought not spoken , is a thought not used .
A mind capable of brilliant things , is being wasted by not .. marketing ..!?
"Come on, I know all of this", I thought , but being silent ... is it such an ill spot ?
Being capable is not enough , for this is not school ... or for that matter college
Where the grades can come and go , without a thought passing through the gray matter ...
More vital is to "do and show " , for a good deed done is not a good deed seen ...
Some facts are difficult to stomach , especially where you are told you suck !?
"I know what I am , what the f**k ? " comes to the tip of the tongue ...
But think some more , from the boss's shoes ,
Move with the peers and do what they do .
Taking an initiative is brownie point always ,
And it earns respect , for your dedication and creative ways .
Pressure can change things sometimes , the egg may become harder when boiled , or sometimes start cracking ...
The boss ain't eat no egg , he just likes watching and learning .
Tested and tried until you are for a better place to hold ...
A promotion will have to wait , my friend ... so be bold
And make progress everyday , without being told .
"Cause at the end of the day" , the boss will always say ...
An idea thought is of no use , ... produce it and sell it to him ,
then your chances aren't actually slim .
--- railmani
Thursday, November 25, 2004
chasing your dreams ...
I had a good learning experience recently ...
I have been working in my company for the last 5 months . I joined as a college recruit , with little or no knowledge about the company ( not that it mattered much at that time ) . Later on entering the company , I was chosen from among the freshers to be in one of the most happening projects in the company called "iobi" , ( something like a yahoo messenger , but with much more functionality , imagine getting your phonecalls on your office monitor and then forwarding it to your home phone or vice versa, handling ur mails and voice mails and all that stuff thru one application on ur desktop ! ) . Well , it was amazing the way this product was projected to us as freshers , special care was taken to make it appear special and it did !
At this point I was chosen as a recruit for this project which incidentally required c++ training experience ... the irony of the situation was that most of the people there were compsci people ... I was one of the small no. of tronix junta ... i was chosen and put into a project for undisclosed reasons over the programming bonds from iits and iiits !
Anyway , it was an unique and novel situation to be in for me . Getting placed in this company was mainly due to my ignorance or computer science subjects ... and getting through the 2 hr interviews ( 1 tech -> hr :)) was a breeze . And then again , singled out for my ignorance of the computer science ( i did ask a question to the head of this project at his presentation to the freshers " what hopes does an enc guy have at ur project " ) ...and for asking the right question .
Coming through all this , the expectations from the people at the project actually was and is pretty high .
Initially , getting to just be with my project partners ( totally 8 in no.including me ) was something not so easy , but slowly , things got better . We got to know each other better and even the boss who was himself a student a year back at ISB and he , us .
Some of my preconcieved notions about working in a software company came crashing down literally ! The idea that individual labour brings about more productivity cannot true in a software company . However brilliant you are , if u just take the trouble to or let down ur ego for a second , you can hit upon a better solution that can make life much better for you and the company and everybody else as a consequence !! I always thought that problem should always be taken head on and being at it for long periods of time will eventually break it down . But often I realised that the reverse is true , instead of the problem , you can end up broken down ! Thats when someone called a "boss" comes into picture . Though , ideally , say according to a person like Ayn Rand , or IR Rao for that matter , you should be mature enough to know that already and its natural and all, this is exactly what the boss figure kind should be equipped to handle !
If hes heading a group of programmers , he should have been or should still be a programmer himself/herself and empathise with the employee and offer help , suggestions , criticism wherever required . Nothing can be more disconcerting than to be under the thought that ur boss doesn't care about you , in turn u dont care about the job , and ultimately u screw up ur career , not his !
I was at some point of time last week , literally bored with the work I was given , it was like asking 7 night mare bots to play against one hurt me plenty !! Thats when I said it out loud to him . He took me in to the conference room and we had a 1:1 talk on what my misgivings were . I got a good lecture about" following one's passions " . If you want to do something especially more than you are , you should be that much more enthu in achieving it . Sitting at a place and complaining that its not coming will get nobody nowhere . Well , I got the message very clearly and as a reward for being open mouthed , I did get some work in my favourite area : graphics .
Chasing my dreams in this field or any other is something which I have never done fully at any time . My sketching skills are still sketchy , poetry is highly dependant on my mood ... programming not worth mentioning , but at the source of the problem lies something , believing that things will happen on their own . It does to some extent , I understood ... but to take it that far where u want to go , there is no substitute for hard work . And thats why ...this is one dream I am prepared to catch , the prize to be paid for this I dont know , but I will make it worth it .....
"man is the fountainhead of creation " - ayn rand
I have been working in my company for the last 5 months . I joined as a college recruit , with little or no knowledge about the company ( not that it mattered much at that time ) . Later on entering the company , I was chosen from among the freshers to be in one of the most happening projects in the company called "iobi" , ( something like a yahoo messenger , but with much more functionality , imagine getting your phonecalls on your office monitor and then forwarding it to your home phone or vice versa, handling ur mails and voice mails and all that stuff thru one application on ur desktop ! ) . Well , it was amazing the way this product was projected to us as freshers , special care was taken to make it appear special and it did !
At this point I was chosen as a recruit for this project which incidentally required c++ training experience ... the irony of the situation was that most of the people there were compsci people ... I was one of the small no. of tronix junta ... i was chosen and put into a project for undisclosed reasons over the programming bonds from iits and iiits !
Anyway , it was an unique and novel situation to be in for me . Getting placed in this company was mainly due to my ignorance or computer science subjects ... and getting through the 2 hr interviews ( 1 tech -> hr :)) was a breeze . And then again , singled out for my ignorance of the computer science ( i did ask a question to the head of this project at his presentation to the freshers " what hopes does an enc guy have at ur project " ) ...and for asking the right question .
Coming through all this , the expectations from the people at the project actually was and is pretty high .
Initially , getting to just be with my project partners ( totally 8 in no.including me ) was something not so easy , but slowly , things got better . We got to know each other better and even the boss who was himself a student a year back at ISB and he , us .
Some of my preconcieved notions about working in a software company came crashing down literally ! The idea that individual labour brings about more productivity cannot true in a software company . However brilliant you are , if u just take the trouble to or let down ur ego for a second , you can hit upon a better solution that can make life much better for you and the company and everybody else as a consequence !! I always thought that problem should always be taken head on and being at it for long periods of time will eventually break it down . But often I realised that the reverse is true , instead of the problem , you can end up broken down ! Thats when someone called a "boss" comes into picture . Though , ideally , say according to a person like Ayn Rand , or IR Rao for that matter , you should be mature enough to know that already and its natural and all, this is exactly what the boss figure kind should be equipped to handle !
If hes heading a group of programmers , he should have been or should still be a programmer himself/herself and empathise with the employee and offer help , suggestions , criticism wherever required . Nothing can be more disconcerting than to be under the thought that ur boss doesn't care about you , in turn u dont care about the job , and ultimately u screw up ur career , not his !
I was at some point of time last week , literally bored with the work I was given , it was like asking 7 night mare bots to play against one hurt me plenty !! Thats when I said it out loud to him . He took me in to the conference room and we had a 1:1 talk on what my misgivings were . I got a good lecture about" following one's passions " . If you want to do something especially more than you are , you should be that much more enthu in achieving it . Sitting at a place and complaining that its not coming will get nobody nowhere . Well , I got the message very clearly and as a reward for being open mouthed , I did get some work in my favourite area : graphics .
Chasing my dreams in this field or any other is something which I have never done fully at any time . My sketching skills are still sketchy , poetry is highly dependant on my mood ... programming not worth mentioning , but at the source of the problem lies something , believing that things will happen on their own . It does to some extent , I understood ... but to take it that far where u want to go , there is no substitute for hard work . And thats why ...this is one dream I am prepared to catch , the prize to be paid for this I dont know , but I will make it worth it .....
"man is the fountainhead of creation " - ayn rand
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
the stack is filling up
Whats happening to me these days ? I honestly feel I am letting go of apprehensions much easier than i used to ... a few years back and in childhood . I was an able suitor sometime back and now I am a regular at the gym ... even the instructor calls me "body builder "...that he calls almost everyone is another story altogether . And then the latest to the list goes my bicycle !
Yes you read right , I bought a cycle ... initially I argued with myself that a bike was a better option and I could roam the city with it and take the babes with me and all that ... but coming to think of it , the buses were a better option for long distance transport and there were no babes to talk of ... no gf either . And on the poisitive side , the sheer thrill of going downhill on gravity is exhilirating and when you think of all the money and petrol you are saving , and the calories you are burning , with the cycle actually going places ! ( no offence to the gym cycle ) ... its a gr8 feeling .
Today , I took the initiative and with a little help from the roomie from a different zone , I managed to get up and come all the way to office in guindy from adyar , cycling on sardar patel road ! Sounds impressive right ? Well , the actual figures are something like this , its about 5 km and quite a bit of the distance is downhill ... any way ,the ride back home ought be quite a challenge then .
Another member to be added to the stack of activities is the french renaissance ... actually this only refers to moi...and my revived will to learn a little further in that romantic language ..,
It seems the company is going to be good , with the madamoiselle who returned 'false' to a certain function call I made and a few others .
With the performance appraisal approaching , I am beginning to feel that I am not upto the mark , considering the amount of work partners have done and are willing to do compared to me . The work is just not inspiring to me ... is my argument , whether its valid or not I don't know ... but thats the way it is .
The time is 8 :55 and the day begins now ...
Yes you read right , I bought a cycle ... initially I argued with myself that a bike was a better option and I could roam the city with it and take the babes with me and all that ... but coming to think of it , the buses were a better option for long distance transport and there were no babes to talk of ... no gf either . And on the poisitive side , the sheer thrill of going downhill on gravity is exhilirating and when you think of all the money and petrol you are saving , and the calories you are burning , with the cycle actually going places ! ( no offence to the gym cycle ) ... its a gr8 feeling .
Today , I took the initiative and with a little help from the roomie from a different zone , I managed to get up and come all the way to office in guindy from adyar , cycling on sardar patel road ! Sounds impressive right ? Well , the actual figures are something like this , its about 5 km and quite a bit of the distance is downhill ... any way ,the ride back home ought be quite a challenge then .
Another member to be added to the stack of activities is the french renaissance ... actually this only refers to moi...and my revived will to learn a little further in that romantic language ..,
It seems the company is going to be good , with the madamoiselle who returned 'false' to a certain function call I made and a few others .
With the performance appraisal approaching , I am beginning to feel that I am not upto the mark , considering the amount of work partners have done and are willing to do compared to me . The work is just not inspiring to me ... is my argument , whether its valid or not I don't know ... but thats the way it is .
The time is 8 :55 and the day begins now ...
Thursday, November 18, 2004
post message
There is this thing in the stuff i work on , its called " post message " .... a VC++ function . It will ask some program to do a carry out some task and then continue on its path of execution .
I ve observed that this is the was that many people and teams also function in this and probably many other organisations . The boss gives the employee some work and goes on with his ... the teacher goes on teaching irrespective of whether the student has understood or not ... The prospective lover sends a bunch of messages on the mobile without waiting to check the reply to the first message he sent ... and after all the damage is done wonders why he didnt wait .
The disadvantages of this obvious , ... but that is the only way some things work ... I can think of a place where this method is both avoided and used a lot , the conference room. when one does not want anyone to ask any questions about what is going on , just don't give any details ...brush over and make sure everything sounds very convincing even its all crap . I ve seen it work with a lot of people ... even the most observant of leads sometimes go with the flow . The whole concept of email works on this principle ... if the recepient responds fine , otherwise what the hell... doesn't matter anyway !
Often the intranet chat also seems to take on this avatar ... where the person is not responding at will and to make her respond ... u need to post provocative messages or atleast something relatively more interesting than the previous time of post . If there was an award for the most creative ways of starting a chat ... i would definitely at least apply for it ! for I know some people who could be termed "cyber casanovas" .... one particular guy comes to my mind ... we used to call him "gutlee" , now hes breaking the hearts of many a mysore girl .
A very potent tool in the right hands , the intranet chat can also be a more potent tool in the hands of the organisation which wants to deal you a heavy hand ... cuase u would provide them with all the proof necessary to chuck u out if the necessity arose !! by chatting about all subjects under the sun ..on an infrastructure privided for "company purpaoses" whatever that may be .
All said and done , the electronic media is truly amazing ... with the kind of connectivity that we have now , theres no scope for romantic letters and long awaited telegrams and the like ,... everything is instantaneous and its all over in a few seconds ... this also applies to a lot of other things in the privacy of the home .
A thought to finish off" As the sphere of knowledge grows , the contact with the unknown increases .... " - psb
Its like a law, no contradiction anywhere and is universal ... think about it .
I ve observed that this is the was that many people and teams also function in this and probably many other organisations . The boss gives the employee some work and goes on with his ... the teacher goes on teaching irrespective of whether the student has understood or not ... The prospective lover sends a bunch of messages on the mobile without waiting to check the reply to the first message he sent ... and after all the damage is done wonders why he didnt wait .
The disadvantages of this obvious , ... but that is the only way some things work ... I can think of a place where this method is both avoided and used a lot , the conference room. when one does not want anyone to ask any questions about what is going on , just don't give any details ...brush over and make sure everything sounds very convincing even its all crap . I ve seen it work with a lot of people ... even the most observant of leads sometimes go with the flow . The whole concept of email works on this principle ... if the recepient responds fine , otherwise what the hell... doesn't matter anyway !
Often the intranet chat also seems to take on this avatar ... where the person is not responding at will and to make her respond ... u need to post provocative messages or atleast something relatively more interesting than the previous time of post . If there was an award for the most creative ways of starting a chat ... i would definitely at least apply for it ! for I know some people who could be termed "cyber casanovas" .... one particular guy comes to my mind ... we used to call him "gutlee" , now hes breaking the hearts of many a mysore girl .
A very potent tool in the right hands , the intranet chat can also be a more potent tool in the hands of the organisation which wants to deal you a heavy hand ... cuase u would provide them with all the proof necessary to chuck u out if the necessity arose !! by chatting about all subjects under the sun ..on an infrastructure privided for "company purpaoses" whatever that may be .
All said and done , the electronic media is truly amazing ... with the kind of connectivity that we have now , theres no scope for romantic letters and long awaited telegrams and the like ,... everything is instantaneous and its all over in a few seconds ... this also applies to a lot of other things in the privacy of the home .
A thought to finish off" As the sphere of knowledge grows , the contact with the unknown increases .... " - psb
Its like a law, no contradiction anywhere and is universal ... think about it .
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
a rhythm or a groove ?
Things seem to be getting more and more familiar now . The code , the partners , the office and all the people who come here everyday . Initially I was timid and having just learnt a lot of etiquette and stuff from the non technical training was out to please everyone . Made a lot of acquaintances . Practically spoke to everyone I had met earlier in the training . There were a few people who I did want to say a lot to . I think I ve managed to do that to . And now , the scene is changing slowly . The bosses , the colleagues all appear human and not wretched participants in a rat race . One thing I discovered about all of them . They have a sense of devotion to work .... I used to find this in college too . I too have it in me ... and this place is bringing it out ... but there are good days and then there are bad days .
On a good day , I get to office on time , or just a few minutes late and everything goes gr8 , I ask all the right questions and have some of the answers . The attitude is good on such days ... I am out to grab things ,but when u are feeling tired and sleepy or just plain disinterested , it imiediately shows on the faces of people around you . It makes you wonder what the hell is wrong with them , when in fact the problem lies with u!!
I read enuff fundas and hear them too to last me for a life time . Some are given by caring seniors , who generally say, be careful , plan well in advance to do what you want in the future .
This is something I am immediately unable to answer .
I got an interesting perspective on this issue ... "I am new to this work , but I want to give it my best shot , and effort and that is my goal " , said my illustrious roomie . Made me wonder ...
The developments in the fiasco of proposal are not many , I still communicate regularly with the dame , and its fun becoz that urge of impressing her with stuff is gone . Now we are really friends .
The diwali holidays are approaching , and the company did its bit by giving a big box of sweets to all employees - including tech , non tech and everyone else ..the same type of box . To put it in c++
The Company superclass , gave each employee thread an object containing an array of sweets ... and this resulted in a response which when decoded said " Making progress everyday - the motto is alive " ....
On a good day , I get to office on time , or just a few minutes late and everything goes gr8 , I ask all the right questions and have some of the answers . The attitude is good on such days ... I am out to grab things ,but when u are feeling tired and sleepy or just plain disinterested , it imiediately shows on the faces of people around you . It makes you wonder what the hell is wrong with them , when in fact the problem lies with u!!
I read enuff fundas and hear them too to last me for a life time . Some are given by caring seniors , who generally say, be careful , plan well in advance to do what you want in the future .
This is something I am immediately unable to answer .
I got an interesting perspective on this issue ... "I am new to this work , but I want to give it my best shot , and effort and that is my goal " , said my illustrious roomie . Made me wonder ...
The developments in the fiasco of proposal are not many , I still communicate regularly with the dame , and its fun becoz that urge of impressing her with stuff is gone . Now we are really friends .
The diwali holidays are approaching , and the company did its bit by giving a big box of sweets to all employees - including tech , non tech and everyone else ..the same type of box . To put it in c++
The Company superclass , gave each employee thread an object containing an array of sweets ... and this resulted in a response which when decoded said " Making progress everyday - the motto is alive " ....
Saturday, November 06, 2004
Blog of the century
A few years back, when I was in college ... I was faced with a situation . The situation that everyman fears probably more than death itself . I personally find it difficultt to believe that anyone except someone exceptionally sure of hinmself , or someone who seriously doesn't are about the consequeces can go to a girl and say to her " will you marry me ? " .
Now the number of people I know have done exactly that has increased from one to two .
Now let me get into the narrative ....
A few days back in this company I work, I had proposed to a girl and she had rejected it ...not summarily , but with a very strange reply . She said that her love was abroad in the states and he never reciprocated this feeling . Come to think of it , it seemed totally ridiculous to me at that time , a software engineer falling falling for such a sentimental trap .
And I ... even after knowing this , fell into the very same trap ...or rather was embezzled deeper into it as I tried not to . And this eventually led to my asking her the question that can make or break a relationship once again ...
Using all the logic and reasoning I had learnt from books , movies ,friends , relatives , going to be relatives and personal introspection , I presented very convincing arguments . The result was announced initially by the opponent , but who can stand up to reason and reasoning . Through the course of the conversation , the truth emerged . I was eventually shocked . I initially assume that a person tells the truth . And in this case I must have been blinded by the situation's novelty and its implications .
The whole story of a sentimental lover dreaming about a lost cause and story of a virtual widow and all that ....was as it really is ... a cock and bull story ..a big crock of shit , As Al Pacino says in "Scent of a woman " . The truth emerged as the lover being very real and very close .... living , ironically in the place of my birth !
The story ended with the my experience being updated in the relationship dept . And also that all things are'nt what they seem to be ... people aren't always truthful , who knows the reasons ? but it still remains a fact . So now, I can proudly say that I am "just friends " with a person and this will make many people feel "j" ... :)
I personally always say the truth , at least I don't lie through my teeth ... selective presentation of facts is the safest and most diplomatic approach to life in the office and sometimes personal as well .
I still have serious doubts to the question of "falling in love " phenomenon . Something which is sometimes very interesting to think about and at others the most banal concept ever . Anyway , I have entered the "single and looking " phase again and will for some time in the future :(
So , guys whoever is reading this , never let feelings get over reason ... reason is always right and "Contradictions do not exist , examine your premises "
Now the number of people I know have done exactly that has increased from one to two .
Now let me get into the narrative ....
A few days back in this company I work, I had proposed to a girl and she had rejected it ...not summarily , but with a very strange reply . She said that her love was abroad in the states and he never reciprocated this feeling . Come to think of it , it seemed totally ridiculous to me at that time , a software engineer falling falling for such a sentimental trap .
And I ... even after knowing this , fell into the very same trap ...or rather was embezzled deeper into it as I tried not to . And this eventually led to my asking her the question that can make or break a relationship once again ...
Using all the logic and reasoning I had learnt from books , movies ,friends , relatives , going to be relatives and personal introspection , I presented very convincing arguments . The result was announced initially by the opponent , but who can stand up to reason and reasoning . Through the course of the conversation , the truth emerged . I was eventually shocked . I initially assume that a person tells the truth . And in this case I must have been blinded by the situation's novelty and its implications .
The whole story of a sentimental lover dreaming about a lost cause and story of a virtual widow and all that ....was as it really is ... a cock and bull story ..a big crock of shit , As Al Pacino says in "Scent of a woman " . The truth emerged as the lover being very real and very close .... living , ironically in the place of my birth !
The story ended with the my experience being updated in the relationship dept . And also that all things are'nt what they seem to be ... people aren't always truthful , who knows the reasons ? but it still remains a fact . So now, I can proudly say that I am "just friends " with a person and this will make many people feel "j" ... :)
I personally always say the truth , at least I don't lie through my teeth ... selective presentation of facts is the safest and most diplomatic approach to life in the office and sometimes personal as well .
I still have serious doubts to the question of "falling in love " phenomenon . Something which is sometimes very interesting to think about and at others the most banal concept ever . Anyway , I have entered the "single and looking " phase again and will for some time in the future :(
So , guys whoever is reading this , never let feelings get over reason ... reason is always right and "Contradictions do not exist , examine your premises "
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
Tiny nothings = something
Nothing of great consequence or significance to report today , but a lot of little things do keeo happening all the time . The little pings on the intranet , which are so pleasant when they are unexpected or for that matter even unexpected ...from the girl you like . The word "like" is used here because I am not sure of the feeling . I could go on about that and beat around the bush for an eternity ... but whats the point .
There was a really cool game in the mail today , one in which the mouse control was laterally inverted and you have to direct a square through mazes ...pretty difficult at sight , but for a q3 defragger , its no big deal . She was struggling to get through the 10 th level . I came back and finished it at a stretch ( 20 in all ) . Thus the game ceased to excite once it was done . Anyway , sitting next to her and doing it itself was worth it :)
A really pleasant surprise greeted me the other day, when Shrikanth told me about his crush in college . I couln't have found a more similar case like mine , but I refrained to counsel too much , because I myself am an experimental model . And the implications of wrong counsel could be huge .
The roomie is doing a lot of things in secret ... he suddenly got a snail mail from Tampa , Florida yesterday which ! I was so surprised ...that I wanted to open it immediately , but that was against my policy and so he was spared some embarassment and me some shame .
My natural flair for comedy is coming out now,all the people are familiar now in the project and this is acting like a catalyst . Pjs are so many a day that even gutlee might be shamed by the sheer cheek of the ppl cracking them .
Went shopping over the weekend , to Saravana stores ... only to be stuck in a human traffic jam . Come to think of it , it would be infinitely enjoyable if there were only young women in the crowd and you are the only guy in it . But the truth is far from the opposite even. The crowd is predominantly female and all are aunties and ajjis and girls ... shoving and pushing without any restraint . I was taken aback and stayed that way until I was safely through the stampede .
The city is teaching me things in a way I never learnt before !
Nothing can always be shown as something if rephrased in the right way and thats what I did for you right now , ... enjoy
There was a really cool game in the mail today , one in which the mouse control was laterally inverted and you have to direct a square through mazes ...pretty difficult at sight , but for a q3 defragger , its no big deal . She was struggling to get through the 10 th level . I came back and finished it at a stretch ( 20 in all ) . Thus the game ceased to excite once it was done . Anyway , sitting next to her and doing it itself was worth it :)
A really pleasant surprise greeted me the other day, when Shrikanth told me about his crush in college . I couln't have found a more similar case like mine , but I refrained to counsel too much , because I myself am an experimental model . And the implications of wrong counsel could be huge .
The roomie is doing a lot of things in secret ... he suddenly got a snail mail from Tampa , Florida yesterday which ! I was so surprised ...that I wanted to open it immediately , but that was against my policy and so he was spared some embarassment and me some shame .
My natural flair for comedy is coming out now,all the people are familiar now in the project and this is acting like a catalyst . Pjs are so many a day that even gutlee might be shamed by the sheer cheek of the ppl cracking them .
Went shopping over the weekend , to Saravana stores ... only to be stuck in a human traffic jam . Come to think of it , it would be infinitely enjoyable if there were only young women in the crowd and you are the only guy in it . But the truth is far from the opposite even. The crowd is predominantly female and all are aunties and ajjis and girls ... shoving and pushing without any restraint . I was taken aback and stayed that way until I was safely through the stampede .
The city is teaching me things in a way I never learnt before !
Nothing can always be shown as something if rephrased in the right way and thats what I did for you right now , ... enjoy
Friday, October 29, 2004
the gym
There have been no interesting developments of late . My engg drawing coaching was a big flop , considering my student (Shrikant - house owner's son) didn't do well in his test . Well ... in the time we had , which was about 2 hours , I did a fairly decent job of explaining the problems his teacher had done in class and hoodwink the students into believing that they had understood . Hmm , I always told him to follow what the teacher says and ask until understood . I followed this in school but later after entering the state board in 11th and 12th , there is very little of understanding in the classroom or for that matter even in tuitions . The whole focus lies on getting the portions completed and giving notes which will help in cracking the theory paper . I remember that when in school or in puc, I never understood the reason of doing labs . It was a big pain in the neck , ...it was because I didn't understand the theory in the first place . The whole point of labs was to consolidate on theory and convince oneself of the "Truth" .
Now that school and college is over , I have a 3rd person's pov on the student and i find it hard to see how anyone could be inspired by the way the subjects are taught in colleges . First of all , Engg Graphics must be taught by someone who loves to do it . Understanding it doesn't mean that he or she can teach it . Getting the message across is the more difficult job at hand .
Now coming to think of it , the job of teaching small kids addition and mutilplication and all that must be a really difficult job . I was punished by a teacher in school because i couldn't do multiplication after taking a leave on the previous class . That was really ridiculous it seems now , but at that time it was terribly unfair . Anyway , some learn and some give up , I learnt .
The situation is not really different nowadays , there are situations from which you can learn and improve ...its all upto you to take it up and make use of it . The boss today made sure that I learnt something about the "addressbook "today . Pretty simple actually , when someone who has done it already explains it to you .
On the social side , I am getting into a groove . Not really bothered about going out and making friends and all that now . My project partners are pretty ok to pass the time with and the work day goes fine. The last three days though have been unproductive ... no irs from my side for the last 3 days .
Anyway the weekend is approaching and theres a lot to be done in the gym ,
adios
Now that school and college is over , I have a 3rd person's pov on the student and i find it hard to see how anyone could be inspired by the way the subjects are taught in colleges . First of all , Engg Graphics must be taught by someone who loves to do it . Understanding it doesn't mean that he or she can teach it . Getting the message across is the more difficult job at hand .
Now coming to think of it , the job of teaching small kids addition and mutilplication and all that must be a really difficult job . I was punished by a teacher in school because i couldn't do multiplication after taking a leave on the previous class . That was really ridiculous it seems now , but at that time it was terribly unfair . Anyway , some learn and some give up , I learnt .
The situation is not really different nowadays , there are situations from which you can learn and improve ...its all upto you to take it up and make use of it . The boss today made sure that I learnt something about the "addressbook "today . Pretty simple actually , when someone who has done it already explains it to you .
On the social side , I am getting into a groove . Not really bothered about going out and making friends and all that now . My project partners are pretty ok to pass the time with and the work day goes fine. The last three days though have been unproductive ... no irs from my side for the last 3 days .
Anyway the weekend is approaching and theres a lot to be done in the gym ,
adios
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
inspired by DAL, invoked by kudva
This was written in response to Kudva's request for a poem to DAL ... if a disc jockey is called dj and a radio jockey is called rj , is a poem jockey a pj? 11
I walked along the beach one day ,
a place called adyar, far far away
at the crack of dawn I had a thought
how things were when I had with a passion fought
the scene was the hardware lab
i initially thought the partners were drab
there they were going for the circuit with gusto
i knew that if i wanted to make a difference i too had to grab
a chance to show i was as smart as a crab !
at a point of time when the going was tough
i could not listen and said it rough
"i do what i want, i work alone "
would have been better to have been hit by a stone !
than have the skinny guy throw moral at me
but behind the harangue there stood a man
a man with a firm beliefs and build so wee
all i did was give a smile so wan
follow his path i did and was taken back in
He sat through and made me understand grim
And thus made me a fan of him
Often when I was in a sticky place
In my thoughts or in the exam craze
The mind would grow dull
Thats when the time would come to go to DAL
With the right guidance at the right time ,
a lot of fun with it the exams were passed
For all this work , there had to be a fitting pay
And so the time was spent in virtual play
The arena beckoned all in many ways
Some lived there to frag and be fragged
Others watched with support that often swayed
DAL came,saw,commented ... with him it was never adrag
The place of learning never missed
A day without the perpetual pen
In the hands of DAL ..it wrote like it kissed
The paper , to which was added zen
Innocently he did what he knew best
But there were evil minds at work in the shadows
Crowd behaviour often threw caution to the windows
All sources of a noise was directed to DAL
By the jealous people of the learning hall
A good spirit he took it in and the laughter rangclear and true
why sometimes I had no clue .
The legend of DAL still grows in a different place Iknow
Some lucky dame is watching for sure
For some surprises sure will come to be thrown
And for a day which is past
I wish again and hope for a paid repast
from the one only DAL ti guy !
- Karthik
I walked along the beach one day ,
a place called adyar, far far away
at the crack of dawn I had a thought
how things were when I had with a passion fought
the scene was the hardware lab
i initially thought the partners were drab
there they were going for the circuit with gusto
i knew that if i wanted to make a difference i too had to grab
a chance to show i was as smart as a crab !
at a point of time when the going was tough
i could not listen and said it rough
"i do what i want, i work alone "
would have been better to have been hit by a stone !
than have the skinny guy throw moral at me
but behind the harangue there stood a man
a man with a firm beliefs and build so wee
all i did was give a smile so wan
follow his path i did and was taken back in
He sat through and made me understand grim
And thus made me a fan of him
Often when I was in a sticky place
In my thoughts or in the exam craze
The mind would grow dull
Thats when the time would come to go to DAL
With the right guidance at the right time ,
a lot of fun with it the exams were passed
For all this work , there had to be a fitting pay
And so the time was spent in virtual play
The arena beckoned all in many ways
Some lived there to frag and be fragged
Others watched with support that often swayed
DAL came,saw,commented ... with him it was never adrag
The place of learning never missed
A day without the perpetual pen
In the hands of DAL ..it wrote like it kissed
The paper , to which was added zen
Innocently he did what he knew best
But there were evil minds at work in the shadows
Crowd behaviour often threw caution to the windows
All sources of a noise was directed to DAL
By the jealous people of the learning hall
A good spirit he took it in and the laughter rangclear and true
why sometimes I had no clue .
The legend of DAL still grows in a different place Iknow
Some lucky dame is watching for sure
For some surprises sure will come to be thrown
And for a day which is past
I wish again and hope for a paid repast
from the one only DAL ti guy !
- Karthik
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